The masculine / feminine balance

November 13, 2011 in Bible,Blogging,Christian,Christian lifestyle,Christian values,Christianity,Church,Creation,Discipleship,Femininity,Gender,Honesty,Identity,Jesus,Love Wins,Masculinity,Testimony,Theology,Writing with 30 Comments

There’s been a lot of debate and discussion on the role of women on the Twitter/blogosphere recently, most of it healthy. All the time as I have been reading – and there have been excellent posts in the last week by both Vicky Beeching and Anna Blanch on this subject, amongst others, and indeed I myself posted on the Biblical role of women earlier in the week.

But to me there was something missing.

I felt a man’s perspective on gender issues was just not there. You see, I think we should all absolutely be championing women in leadership, and that the Bible is pro-women, and it’s absolutely right that women find their voice. I made that clear in my post earlier this week, with some theological background.

I just know, from my own experience as a man, that one danger of going to far with feminism can be that men no longer know what it is to be a man. They grow up without a clear definition of masculinity. We are told to ‘get in touch with our feminine side’, and then criticised for not being ‘man’ enough, all the time trying to be men and be positive about masculinity, without being anti-women or sexist in any way.

I think this is a serious problem, especially in church where people have different perceptions of the role of both men and women. I’m an egalitarian, I believe the question isn’t gender when it comes to leadership and teaching, it’s about character, gifting and calling. If you have those, then your gender, although part of who you are, is not relevant.

Your gender should never preclude you from any role.

God created men and women equal – completely. Not the same – equal. That’s a slightly different concept. Men and women simply aren’t the same, and I think that’s pretty clear. But they are equal. For example, obviously there are some things men can’t do physically – the most obvious is getting pregnant and having children (although our culture is trying to change even that!), but in terms of roles in church, marriage and society there’s not much a man can do that woman shouldn’t be able to do provided they have the calling, gifting and character, the same requirements demanded of us men – so they are equal, not the same.

People have banded about terms like feminism, and I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with them. To be honest I’m less interested in labels – they are far to restrictive and can be liable to misinterpretation. If what I believe fits with one label or another, I’m not going to give it that label, though others are welcome to.

I believe myself and am part of a church which advocates equality in the role of women – not positive discrimination, because positive discrimination is still discrimination, and in my view can be just as damaging to whoever is on the other side of the argument, which isn’t Christ-like at all.

If that makes me a Christian feminist, in the best, most Christ-like interpretation of the word, so be it. If not, I won’t lose sleep over it. But I am pro-women, and believe Jesus is too, and am in favour of equality for women in all spheres of life. Whatever you want to call that, that’s your decision.

In the end, I felt this was too difficult a topic to do anything other than merely tell my story.

There’s so much potential to offend people without ever intending to, it’s such a hot topic that I felt the most honest way to do this was simply to tell my own story, to share my experiences on this subject, and see where that takes us.

If you are woman reading this, and in some way I do offend you, I apologise. This was not my intention writing this. In fact, I’m on your side believe it or not.

So what’s my story? Well I’ll be honest, growing up in the church I have had little or no definition of what a man is or should be. Pretty much none. There was plenty of girl-power, plenty of empowering women and talks on how to be a woman of God – absolutely correctly – but for me there was nothing on masculinity or what it means to be a man of God.

I’ll be totally honest too, the amount of girl-power around often felt intimidating and suffocating – as a man I got told on one hand to be in touch with my feminine side, then going out on dates with Christian women and meeting female friends all I heard was that there weren’t enough ‘real men’ out there, that men were too soft and too feminine.

I just sat and thought, well what am I meant to do?

On one hand I apparently need to be more feminine and in touch with that side of me, but on the other hand you are wondering why I’m not more ‘masculine’?

I mean, what do people expect? How do I get this balance right without offending someone, without looking either a total wimp or a complete misogynist?

It was quite frustrating, especially for a man who was desperate to find his true masculine side and was also trying to champion the role of women, because every time I tried to be more masculine, take more responsibility, I felt like I was upsetting the women out there. There was an inner conflict going on in me, as I tried to be more the kind of man God made me to be, but at the same time was desperate not to offend the women I knew or appear sexist.

That’s before we even get to Mr Mark Driscoll. A man who has caused great hurt to a great many women in his attitude to their role. A man who, I confess, makes me pretty angry at times with his attitude and theology. Now God is clearly using Mark in a positive way, bringing people to faith and into a church environment, changing lives for the better. I have no doubt God is using Mark Driscoll and he is doing some good in terms of helping men find there true identity.

But I’ll be honest. Whatever his intent, the impression I got from Driscoll was unless you’re a cage-fighting, can win-in-a-fight, mega-successful professional with a wife and a few kids, leading in a church environment (of course your wife won’t be, as if you follow Driscoll you’re a complimenatrian), then you’re not a man, in fact you might not even be saved or forgiven by God.

If you’re single in your mid-30’s, like me, you’re bordering on not being a real man. A real man gets married younger. If you have issues – doubts, fears and insecurities, which to be frank we all have in one way or another, and I think are healthy in many ways, you’re not a man.

Driscoll’s heart was right in one sense – even if his theology is, in my opinion, completely wrong about the role of women especially – he wanted to help men reclaim their masculinity.

But as tends to be our human nature, he went way too far. I felt like a complete failure, a total loser, a wimp, merely because I didn’t fit with his identikit for a man. I never agreed with his theology on the role of women but due to a lack of resources on masculinity (and because I like to listen to those I disagree with) I did listen to his material on how to be a man – with a big pinch of egalitarian salt.

Frankly, although he’s done some good, there’s a lot of damage that’s been done with that type of theology – to both women and men – and I know that I have experienced that in myself.

The longer I devote to I reflecting on this whole subject, on both my last blog post & this as well as the other posts and twitter debates that have arisen in the last few weeks, the more clear it becomes to me.

It is vital that our culture – and the church – reclaim both Godly masculinity and femininity, and that we need more education culturally and especially in our churches for both genders on these subjects.

Equality means just that.

It doesn’t mean positive discrimination, because in the long run that ends up having just a negative impact as ‘negative’ discrimination. Equality means equality. It means we learn about masculinity and femininity and celebrate the differences and the similarities between them.

I am aware some have written on this – and that some women don’t want or need to be told how to be a woman (and a man should never be teaching women on how to be women). But in my experience there are a lot of younger Christian women especially who are hungry and desperate to learn more about how to be a woman in the way God made them – and in relation to Biblical masculinity I think ultimately I think we all need to get a better understanding what that really is and means.

I’m still discovering what it means to be Godly man in a healthy way, a way that celebrates my masculinity but at the same time is positive and affirming in it’s view of women, rather than damaging and restrictive. Maybe I’ll be discovering a bit more about masculinity every day for the rest of my life. But it’s absolutely crucial to have good teaching on these subjects.

Men need to be taught, in my view that part of being a man is championing women, being an advocate for the rights, freedoms and opportunities of women, for women finding their true voice and role in the world, the role God ordained for them, whatever that is.

By the same token, more women need to be taught about masculinity, and to be able to do the same for men, and allowing us men to be men in a healthy way, a way which celebrates our differences rather than uses them to divide us.

Men and women are different, and those differences should be celebrated and rejoiced in – but at the same time, both male and female are capable of playing many of the same roles – such as leadership, teaching and other roles which have previously been held mainly by the men.

I have said many times in my writing that following the way of Jesus is like walking a tightrope – and the metaphor certainly stands true when it comes to masculinity and femininity.

On one hand we need more men celebrating and understanding their masculinity without going off into a sexist, traditional and complimenatrian view. That view is unhealthy and doesn’t fully understand scriptural ideas of the role of women, and can end up doing tremendous damage.

On the other hand, the women should be celebrating their femininity and empowerment as women, finding their voice rightly, without making men feel guilty for being men and allowing men to be men in a healthy way.

That’s the masculine/feminine balance.

God created this world with men and women – we are meant to be working together, in relationship – not just within the context of marriage or ‘a relationship’, but as friends, brothers and sisters together, working together to make God’s kingdom a reality here, right now.

We are His body, His church, and there are masculine and feminine dimensions to this which should be acknowledged and celebrated, and it’s our job to play our part in doing that.

Now, time for you to join the discussion:

How much do you know about true masculinity and femininity?

Do you agree with the egalitarian view of the role of women, or are you more traditional or complimenatrian? Why?

If you’re a man, were you ever given a definition of what it meant to be a man that was unhealthy? Do you know what it really means to be a man?

How can we – as women and men – have a more positive view of masculinity whilst at the same time affirming equality, and being an advocate for the freedoms, rights and voice of women?

About James Prescott: James Prescott is a writer & blogger who explores how we find divine hope in the messiness of live. He's a regular guest blogger & author of '5 Steps to Encouragement: The Secret to Transforming the World' Follow him at @JamesPrescott77

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Mark Howe

I don’t know what “masculine/feminine balance” means unless we see different roles, qualities or something for males and for females. As I said recently on someone else’s blog, I don’t think we can have it both ways. Either people should be treated differently because of their gender or they shouldn’t. Either people should expect different behaviour and/or different qualities on the basis of gender or they shouldn’t. Either the gender of someone matters or it doesn’t. Saying that it matters when the door is closed to me but not when it’s closed to someone else is just good old-fashioned special pleading.

One reason you hear so little in churches (at least in the UK) about how to be a man is that any attempts to organise events for men are seen as the propagation of sexism. Why shouldn’t women be allowed to attend the men’s breakfast? Why on Earth would men want to do Promise Keepers or anything similar? So there’s a kind of one-way equality agenda, where anything men do needs to be opened up to women, but where women need their own spaces because men are so threatening.

All of which is just a reflection of the Spirit of the Age. I drove past a women-only gym the other day. I don’t recall seeing a man-only gym, and find the justification for women-only gyms highly offensive to the men who are not rapists or voyeurs. Feminity is something to be celebrated, while masculinity is about war, rape and being useless as husbands, fathers and members of a civilised society.

I keep asking people who write about feminism to describe the stereotypically masculine characteristics the church most needs today, and I keep not receiving a response. In many British churches, men are welcome as long as they leave their masculinity at the door and keep apologising for their Y chromoson that, apparently, is not made in the image of God after all.

Yes, most church leaders are still men. But most men are not church leaders. If women have a beef with the tiny minority of men in senior church leadership, they should take it up with those men. What is clear, from the simple statistic of bums on seats, is that, whoever is running the church, church works better for women than for men.

It is tragic that the church has not led the way on gender issues in the past, especially at times when anyone outside the church cared two hoots what the church believes about such things. But getting our church praxis straight out of Cosmopolitan magazine isn’t the solution. We don’t need to “reclaim feminism” because it was never ours to begin with.
Mark Howe

I don’t know what “masculine/feminine balance” means unless we see different roles, qualities or something for males and for females. As I said recently on someone else’s blog, I don’t think we can have it both ways. Either people should be treated differently because of their gender or they shouldn’t. Either people should expect different behaviour and/or different qualities on the basis of gender or they shouldn’t. Either the gender of someone matters or it doesn’t. Saying that it matters when the door is closed to me but not when it’s closed to someone else is just good old-fashioned special pleading.

One reason you hear so little in churches (at least in the UK) about how to be a man is that any attempts to organise events for men are seen as the propagation of sexism. Why shouldn’t women be allowed to attend the men’s breakfast? Why on Earth would men want to do Promise Keepers or anything similar? So there’s a kind of one-way equality agenda, where anything men do needs to be opened up to women, but where women need their own spaces because men are so threatening.

All of which is just a reflection of the Spirit of the Age. I drove past a women-only gym the other day. I don’t recall seeing a man-only gym, and find the justification for women-only gyms highly offensive to the men who are not rapists or voyeurs. Feminity is something to be celebrated, while masculinity is about war, rape and being useless as husbands, fathers and members of a civilised society.

I keep asking people who write about feminism to describe the stereotypically masculine characteristics the church most needs today, and I keep not receiving a response. In many British churches, men are welcome as long as they leave their masculinity at the door and keep apologising for their Y chromoson that, apparently, is not made in the image of God after all.

Yes, most church leaders are still men. But most men are not church leaders. If women have a beef with the tiny minority of men in senior church leadership, they should take it up with those men. What is clear, from the simple statistic of bums on seats, is that, whoever is running the church, church works better for women than for men.

It is tragic that the church has not led the way on gender issues in the past, especially at times when anyone outside the church cared two hoots what the church believes about such things. But getting our church praxis straight out of Cosmopolitan magazine isn’t the solution. We don’t need to “reclaim feminism” because it was never ours to begin with.
- Anonymous
  
  Thanks for your comment Mark. Some interesting points – there are women who would disagree with you, and men actually. To be honest, all I know for me is that men and women were created equal - but not the same. They are equal though, and sometimes we can go too far into equality so it becomes positive discrimination, which is just as bad as the other extreme, negative discrimination, which happens with complimentarianism and traditional church views in my opinion. The egalitarian perspective is the one I subscribe to. Whether anyone wants to use a label, feminine, is up to them – but I believe in equality of gender, in church, society, marriage and life generally. That means celebrating our differences and recognising we have them, but also giving equal opportunity, not prejudicing opportunity based on gender.
  
  It’s a big topic and no one will ever come up with some final, right solution which satisfies everyone, sadly.
  - Mark Howe
    
    So what, in practice, does “not the same” mean? Not the same in role? In qualities? In temperament? In… It seems to me that if you provide any answer to that question, a lot of people are going to jump down your throat waving words like ‘stereotype’. Yet, at the same time, we’re supposed to celebrate gender… or at least one gender. I don’t understand how that is supposed to work on purely logical grounds.
    - Anonymous
      
      Men and women are different in many ways, some more obvious than others. What we need to do is recognise and celebrate those, say those are good things. We also need to recgonise that there are many roles which both men and women can play, and we should be championing men and women equally in those roles, regardless of gender.
      - Mark Howe
        
        In what ways, and what difference do those ways make to anything at all? In particular, what aspects of masculinity do you think we should be celebrating?
        
        Sorry to push this point, but I think we’ve arrived at a point where it is risky for any man to offer an answer.
      - Anonymous
        
        I’m still exploring masculinity – think I may write more on that too - but in general, the things which are unique to men which have a positive impact. The positive qualities, characteristics that make up a man and are unique to him.
      - Mark Howe
        
        So we can’t name a single specific? Because blogs I’ve read this week seem to find it really really easy to list feminine qualities that we need more of, from listening skills to teamwork to less aggression to…
      - http://www.god-loves-women.webs.com/ God Loves Women
        
        So to be specific the qualities we should celebrate are these: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self control. Not because they are masculine or feminine but because they are the fruits of the Spirit, the outworking of Jesus’ transformation of our lives.
        
        I would suggest that being overly bothered about out male or female-ness is about being more bothered about the stuff of this world, than of the Kingdom.
        
        Feminism and the championing of positives masculinities is not about male or female-ness but is a justice issue. Jesus was on the side of the marginalised and ther reality is this is still women and children. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring
        for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world
        corrupt you. (James 1:27)
      - Anonymous
        
        Great response GLW, I think it’s absolutely true that you can find those fruits in both men and women, but I do believe that there are distinct qualities men and women possess, which are positive, and which are different. Certainly physically there are several differences. I do agree that Jesus ultimately wants us to be on the side of the marginalised and oppressed, always, and that orphans and widows are part of that, totally. Thanks for your response and look forward to reading your thoughts on the subject.
- http://twitter.com/tim_hutchings Tim Hutchings
  
  The gym example is interesting.
  
  The problem it’s designed to solve, I assume, is that women in sports gyms report being harassed by men. So you fix that by not letting men in. Apparently some women like that idea enough to pay to join it.
  
  It’s a bit hurtful to me to think that I’m lumped into a category with voyeurs and rapists. However, I suspect it is more hurtful to be harassed.
  
  I doubt many women would think, “I was harassed by one man at the gym today, but nine others didn’t look at me, so on balance I had a 90% good workout.” The fact that some men don’t harass isn’t the point.
  
  Is there some way to create mixed gyms without harassment? Well, yes: the gym staff could keep an eye out and exclude anyone found harassing anyone else (or just call the police). For some reason that isn’t happening.
  
  Another idea? Men could speak up, and if they see another man staring or harassing a woman, they could do something about it. Apparently that isn’t happening either.
  
  To me, the existence of women-only gyms means that normal gyms, and the men who go to them, don’t care very much about harassment. Surely the problem should be more insulting to us than the solution?
  - Mark Howe
    
    So, by the same token, men could set up clubs just for men who feel they need a place to discuss without the presence of women. Except that they can’t, because such clubs have been ruled discriminatory.
    
    I think the gym is one extreme example of the general problem of knowing what behaviour is expected of men in many social situations today. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years trying to get involved as a parent in school activities. The majority of other parents are female. They sometimes seem “harassed” by the mere presence of a male within hearing range of their conversations. If you start a conversation it looks like you’re flirting. If you don’t, you’re socially inept. And there’s often the unspoken question as to what sort of man would want to spend time groom… engaging with young kids.
    
    Out of interest, why should it be the responsibility of men to intervene if other men harass women? Isn’t the idea that only men could do that insulting to women? (I’m pretty much certain that, in most cases, we’re talking about inappropriate gaze and maybe inappropriate comments rather than gang rape on the exercise mats.) You could equally conclude that most women don’t care about harassment of women. In fact, why wouldn’t you reach that conclusion, other than it being politically incorrect?
http://twitter.com/tim_hutchings Tim Hutchings

I really like some parts of this post, and some bits make me jump up and down.

The bit I like: What does it mean to be a real, Christian man? That’s a great question, and we should definitely talk more about it in churches.

But (part one).

This is NOT about feminism. If we’re uncertain about what a “real man” is, that is not the fault of feminism. You say in this post that “one danger of going too far with feminism can be that men no longer know what it is to be a man.” How could that possibly be true? Are we seriously suggesting that it would be better for men if women could just shut up for a bit? Come on, that can’t be what you mean.

Here’s another way to look at it. Maybe old-school “masculinity” actually included a bunch of pretty awful ideas – that it’s “manly” to be violent, for example. Maybe feminism challenges those ideas and knocks them down. If so, then men might feel confused – all those old John Wayne movies aren’t so heroic any more! But that doesn’t make feminism a problem for men. If feminists have shown us that old-school masculinity is unacceptable, that’s a challenge and an opportunity for us to get up and find a new role. That’s good, and positive, and we should be thanking them.

But (part two).

This is also – and I’m sorry about this, but it’s important – NOT ABOUT YOU. Feminism is not about men, and feminists have no responsibility to make men feel comfortable. I’ve seen quite a few posts in this debate complaining that Christian feminists marginalise men, as if that was somehow a bad thing. So what?

I appreciate that it can be difficult for men to be nice in relationships without being boring, and it can be tough to be sensitive without being indecisive. I can totally empathise with your story. But honestly, when I read women’s stories about their reasons for getting involved with feminism, I read about rape and abuse and stuff that makes you want to go cry in a corner. What do men have to contribute? “Well, when you women talk like that it makes it quite hard for me to get a date.”

Hmm.

Anyway, keep thinking about positive masculinity. The antiDriscollian movement needs to find its voice, and possibly a catchier name. But feminism is not, and has never been, our enemy.
- Mark Howe
  
  Tim, all of that is just fine as long as it cuts both ways. But when male Christians speak in a way that marginalises women or makes them feel uncomfortable, apparently that is a problem. So why isn’t it a problem when it happens in the other direction?
  - http://twitter.com/tim_hutchings Tim Hutchings
    
    There’s nothing wrong with “marginalisation”, per se. It’s a very vague concept, for starters – everyone is on the margins of something or other, depending on how you draw the group boundaries. And marginalisation is sometimes a pretty good idea – we marginalise serial killers in lots of ways all the time. Heck, we even make them feel uncomfortable!
    
    If you can find some specific examples of women marginalising men and show that this is unjustified and damaging to the men involved and that it wasn’t considered a problem, then I’ll have a think about it…
    - Mark Howe
      
      The way custody of children in divorce cases is awarded was one example that was recently highlighted. If gender makes no difference, you might expect 50% of cases to go the man’s way, but that isn’t the case.
      
      And it’s not as simple as “women marginalising men” because, in such situations, many men participate (in this case because it is now “obvious” that mothers are more important than fathers to child well-being, even though that’s the exact opposite of common wisdom as reflected in court decisions a century earlier.)
      
      Or, to take an example from today’s Twitter feed, why is it utterly unacceptable for a male academic to make objectivising comments about female students, when it’s common for female academics to write as if all men are potential rapists?
      - http://twitter.com/tim_hutchings Tim Hutchings
        
        It is not common for female academics to write anything of the sort! You might find discussions of “rape culture”, which is the idea that our society actually condones and excuses rape in various ways, but that’s actually quite a serious and useful idea.
        
        The custody issue is a good point, but I think it gets quite a bit of publicity now – it’s recognised as a problem. And besides, I’d suggest the current bias reflects the rather old idea that childcare is women’s work, which is hardly feminist.
      - Anonymous
        
        Thanks for all your comments people, certainly think this is a very useful discussion and an important issue.
      - http://www.god-loves-women.webs.com/ God Loves Women
        
        Although women do get the majority of custody, many women are forced to give access to abusive men a reality that happens a lot more frequently than abusive mothers getting custody. This article shows sumthing of this: http://angelzfury.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/its-not-angst-over-custody-fathers-kill-their-children-to-punish-their-ex-partners/ and this report: http://www.familieslink.co.uk/download/jan07/twenty_nine_child_homicides.pdf
- Anonymous
  
  Tim, thanks for replying. Just to be clear, I know this isn’t about me – I just felt it – being masculinity and femininity – was just a big fat subject with lots of raw areas, and felt that sharing my own experiences was the truest way to start. I do think that negative aspects of feminism – rather than the positive ones Vicky talked about so well - have to my mind had a clear impact on male identity and men being free to be masculine. But in a healthy context you have a balance between both. I hope I didn’t give the impression my biggest problem was getting a date – that is absolutely not what I meant. I have seen abuse at first hand, had a tough childhood (though not rape I will say). I appreciate fully that many women get involved with feminism to break free of that, quite rightly, and we should always support women who want to break free from abuse. I was merely sharing my own experiences and what I’ve learned. I’m not pretending to have all the answers at all. Feminism at its best should of course be our friend, not our enemy, but like anything we can take it too far – as Driscoll has taken it the other way. I don’t think I ever said it was the sole fault of feminism that we have issues of masculinity – but I think the negative interpretations and uses of feminism, as opposed to the healthy ones – have had a big impact on our culture and that can affect us negatively. I always write honestly, that’s my style, and the emotions I felt were and are authentic, as are the frustrations.
  
  I want to have healthy and positive relationships with women – friends, colleagues and hopefully one day with a partner too, and I think my two posts this week have made clear I am pro-women, and want to champion women in leadership especially, in particular in a church environment, and women generally finding their true calling and identity and being free to pursue it. But just as we men shouldn’t stand in the way of women fulfilling their true identity, a healthy balance means men being able to discover that too without being hindered.
  
  I will keep exploring this. Thanks for your comments Tim.
Mark Howe

The great thing about feminism is that it has been reinvented so many times that anything can be feminism or not be feminism depending what best fits the current argument. The current custody bias is the opposite of the Victyorian model where mfathers were assumed to be indispensible for the moral direction of children. I’d suggest it’s also the logiczl extrapolation of radical pro-life rhetoric which turns men into sperm bdonors.
http://www.god-loves-women.webs.com/ God Loves Women

Thank you for this post. It encourages me greatly to know there are positive Christian men advocating for the truth of Jesus for men and women.

I suppose for me I wonder why we need to spend so much time on who we are as a woman/man. Surely the person God wants us to be will become more apparent as we spend time with Him. That’s certainly been my experience.

I know it may be a less easy road to travel, but I have found ignoring the whole man/woman thing and just being myself has been much more validating than trying to measure up to someone elses opinion of who I should be based on my reproductive organs.

For me the whole feminism debate is important because of the reality of injustice against women:

a) Over 30% of women worldwide will experience gender based violence
b) 230 women a day are raped in the UK
c) A woman is assaulted in her own home every 6 seconds
d) In the UK, women get paid, on average, 15.5% less than men
e) 100 to 140 million girls and women worldwide are currently living with the consequences of having their genitals mutilated

Both men and women must stand up and challenge the horrific rape, murder, torture and abuse of girls and women worldwide. Of course men are raped, murdered and tortured, the difference is females are abused because they are female.

Let us work on growing into the individuals God is calling us to be and have the debate on gender and feminism, keeping firmly in mind the women and girls who are abused daily because of their gender.
- Anonymous
  
  Thanks for this comment, some important & powerful stats there. Agree, that men and women must stand up and challenge the unspeakable things which go on – and we must always keep those in mind when discussing this issue.
  
  Glad to be one of the men who is pro-equality, pro-women and taking a stand in these issues, and thanks again for your comments – they mean a lot.
http://www.pabloremos.co.uk/ PABLOREMOS

Colossians 3:12-14

(12) Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and
dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience. (13) Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (14) And over all
these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Paul puts love
“above all,” showing that love is the epitome of virtues. Here, its
importance is as “the bond,” something that binds or holds things,
like a congregation, together.

Eventually, all groups tend to fly apart. They do not remain united by
magic. Generally, a group maintains its unity through a common cause. As each
person contributes to attaining that cause, unity is generally served. However,
even though individuals expend effort to achieve the cause, frictions arise
from a multitude of reasons. Love is the supreme quality that enables the
members of the group to maintain unity and keep it from flying apart. This is
achieved by each person constraining or restraining himself to act in love.

Interestingly, qualities that we normally think of as being manly—like
drive, courage, determination, and aggressiveness—are missing from this list in
Colossians 3. Though they are not inherently evil, they play directly into the
human ego, frequently resulting in crass individualism.

Because it tends to produce division, individualism is not what Paul is
aiming for here. Without strong spiritual control, those traits tend to descend
into competitiveness, anger,
wrath, malice, dissembling, accusation, slander, and foul talk. These in turn
are nothing more than unashamed self-seeking, traits that split and divide.

Each virtue Paul lists is actually an expression of love, traits that make
it possible to live in a community. There is nothing weak and effeminate about
them: It takes a strong person to resist what comes naturally and do what God
commands rather than go along with urges of our carnal feelings. Paul lists
love as a separate attribute here to show that it is not limited to the
qualities he names.
- Anonymous
  
  Thanks for the comment Pabloremos!
Anonymous

Great discussion going on here, thanks for all your comments – keep them coming!
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