Masculinity 2: Beyond a man-box

January 14, 2012 in Bible,Blogging,Character of Jesus,Christian,Christian lifestyle,Christian values,Christianity,Discipleship,Femininity,Gender,Identity,Jesus,Marriage,Masculinity with 7 Comments

Today, for part 2 of our masculinity series, we have a guest post. On a subject like masculinity I felt it would be interesting to get a female perspective, so today we have a post by @God_loves_women – a prominent womans advocate, tweeter and writer. She is married and lives in the UK, and prefers for safety reasons to keep her identity confidential.

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As a woman, writing a blog on masculinity, I am not sure what qualifications I have.  I have a father, a brother, a son and I am married to a man.  So perhaps that is where I should start.

My husband had been single for over a decade when we got married and had read every relationship book going.  A favourite of his was “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.

I really appreciated his commitment to growing himself and his relationships but (there’s always a but isn’t there…?) I really struggled with the fact anytime he did anything that bothered me he would justify himself by saying, “It’s because I’m a man.” 

Now if he had said it was because he had learned to behave in that way, or because he felt like it, or because he was just extremely irritating; I could have coped, but making it about his manhood somehow made it unchangeable, irrevocable and an almost God ordained way of being.

Often we can think that masculinity is fixed and there is a “one size fits all” element to it; something I’ve learned to refer to as the “man box”. This is a dangerous and extremely pervasive myth, seen as fact by many within the Christian community.

This box squashes men into a particular shape, one that usually requires physical strength, limited emotional ability, financial provision for the family and wielding power and authority (in a loving servant hearted way of course).

The reality is that the man box cannot do justice to the unique and awesome way God has created each one of us.  He has given us all specific gifts, talents and abilities.  What the man box does is prevent men from fully recognising everything God is calling them to be, it becomes about conforming to the man box, rather than living out the fullness of life Jesus calls each one of us to.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  Romans 12:2

My husband and I spent a lot of time and heated discussion on whether it was because “he was a man” and we concluded that, some of it was learned behaviour, some of it was because of expectations from society/culture/church and some of it was because that’s who God has made him to be (and I’ve learned to – just about – love those parts).

Rather than focusing on what it means to be a Christian man or woman, I believe it is much more important considering who God made us to be; what are our gifts and talents?  What are our weaknesses and failings that we need God to transform within us?  Our goal must always be to love the Lord our God with all our heart and mind and soul and to love our neighbour as ourselves.

As the Holy Spirit enables us to do this we will grow in the characteristics that really matter:

“…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”  (Galatians 5:22-23)

 

Do you agree with God_loves_women?

Is the ‘man-box’ limiting to men?

How can men break free of this box?

How does this influence our views of masculinity & femininity, and gender issues?

 

Related posts: 

Masculinity 1: Beyond Gender

The Masculine/Feminine Balance

 

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God_loves_women loves God with all her heart & hopes to share the truth of God’s love for women & her frustration when His body ignores this truth & puts down and devalues women. You can follow her on Twitter at @God_loves_women and find her writing online at God-loves-women.webs.com

 


About James Prescott: James Prescott is a writer & blogger who explores how we find divine hope in the messiness of live. He's a regular guest blogger & author of '5 Steps to Encouragement: The Secret to Transforming the World' Follow him at @JamesPrescott77

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  • Mia

    Thank you, God_loves_women! You just wrote what I’ve been thinking all the time without being able to put it in words.

    • http://www.godloveswomen.webs.com/ God Loves Women

      Thank you! :-) blessing to you!

  • Anonymous

    Great post GLW, so true and so inspiring- thanks for being willing to share this, an excellent choice as my first guest poster. :-) Take care, JP.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts, God Loves Women. :) I think that the idea of a box is a useful one and can be applied to more than just gender. People can be forced into all sorts of boxes can’t they? There’s age, race, (dis)ability etc. I believe the two portions of scripture you quote are fundamental to avoiding this pigeon-holing of individuals and fundamental to freeing people to be the person that God made and wants them to be. As to the question of how do men avoid ending up in the “man box” I believe that we (men and women) can all judge our own thoughts, words and deeds against the qualities of the fruit of the spirit (and those listed in 1 Cor 13) and ask the Holy Spirit to empower us to be able to develop and genuinely display all those qualities. We can also make the effort to develop those habits through habit-forming practice.

  • Paul

    Interesting article, thank you. 
     
    You said, in reference to the christian community that:  ”This box squashes men into a particular shape, one that usually requires physical strength, limited emotional ability, financial provision for the family and wielding power and authority (in a loving servant hearted way of course).

    I find that a very interesting perspective as I would say that is more of a societal expectation of men, particularly one taken from the 1950s :) .  There are of course elements that parts of the christian community have latched onto, the wielding of power, for one, but then again since it is men who are often the mouth piece and the church was once the main voice in soicetal norms than this is probably just a handy weapon of opression rather than a church induced man box.

    I would argue that the church of the last century has actually been very female centric, the mouthpiece at the front may well have been male but the constituents in the pews are predominately female.  Correspondingly masculinity rather than being about rugged provision and leadership has been more about taming male impulses, the importance of work and home taught as the antidote to civilise men and keep them away from lose women, undeserible dens on iniquity and of course the demon drink. 

    This of course has boomed in the years of the charismatic with the empasis on emotional experience, the delights of Jesus as a personal boyfriend, all up for a bit of a fumble that actually leaves you flushed in the pew, or at least a little tearful, is something that forces men to either be uber emotional drippy type to fit in, or heading out the door in blind panic.  It’s not cos we can’t express emotions, just that the emotions being manufactured are ones that can make men profoundly uncomfortable.

    So yes the church is forcing men into a box, a lovely tame, civilised, neutered box. which goes down a storm with the churches main workforce,  afterall who needs a gbf when you can have a church conformed man, safe but sappy but so happy and clappy. Hmm somehow frighteningly made into the image of boyfriend Jesus, more than safe enough to bring home to mother :) 

    • James Prescott

      Thanks for reply Paul, great contribution. You’re going to love the third part of this series, where I share about Jesus and masculinity, next week! JP.

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