Why Authenticity Can Require Sacrifice
One thing which keeps me blogging is the opportunity to interact and build relationship with you, my readers. As regular readers will know, one thing I am passionate about is authenticity. For us all to be true to who we really are, to discover our true identity & calling.
Maybe it’s because of my own past – a victim of bullying, feeling an outsider, growing up in a broken home & losing my Mum relatively young, and being shy & introverted – but I’ve always felt a passion, a desire to speak out for minority groups. For those oppressed, rejected, outside, misunderstood, either by church or culture, or both.
For me to be true to who I am, to practice what I preach and be authentic in my writing, at least some of my writing is going to involve speak out for some of these groups. This is what’s led me to speak up & blog about gender equality in church. And it’s what’s now leading me to speak up on one of the most contentious issues in the Christian church today.
A topic which is divisive, and which makes this one of the bravest blog posts/series I’ve ever written.
Because the group I’m speaking out for is the LGBT community.
I’m publicly speaking out as a ‘straight ally’. That is, someone who is straight, but who speaks up for sexual equality, and the LGBT community.
Why am I doing it? Why not keep quiet? After all, I can speak out merely on social media and leave it there couldn’t I?And speaking out could even cost me readers. So why risk it?
I’m speaking out on LGBT issues because I believe in authenticity – and authenticity sometimes demands sacrifice. (you can tweet that)
Now I’m not always good at the sacrifice thing. But I knew this was the right decision – even if it costs me readers and subscribers. If I don’t do this, I’m not being authentic.
So, what does being a ‘straight ally’ mean on this blog? It means for the next few weeks, and possibly in future, I’ll be ssharing both my own and others stories relating to this issue. In the next few weeks I’ll be sharing a couple of guest posts, one by an out gay Christian, another by a recently out bi-sexual Christian, sharing their stories
And it absolutely does not mean I’ll be talking about theology, making arguments or getting into debates, or trying to get anyone to change their mind on this issue. I’ve got no intention of doing this whatsoever.
My goal is simple. It’s to be part of a growing number of Christians who want to make the church a place where the LGBT community feel loved, welcomed, and accepted – as they are.
The reality is the traditional theology of the church in this area – which I believe is flawed – can, and continues to bear the fruit of self-harming, mental illness and a rising suicide rate amongst LGBTQ young people. It drives people away from God, and from the church.
That, to me, is not the fruit of the spirit of God.
Whatever people believe, the fact is, LGBT people don’t choose their sexuality. And they don’t choose how they feel, or what gender they feel they are despite their bodily design. It’s part of who someone is. It’s not a lifestyle choice, it’s not a demon, or something which can be changed.
So whenever anyone – whatever their intentions – tells someone, ‘in love’ or otherwise, that they are wrong, inherently sinful, or have to stay celibate because if they don’t they are sinning and might end up in hell, they are telling someone a key part of their identity is wicked, evil, and distasteful to God.
They are giving the impression God hates a fundamental part of who they are.
Which, of course, is toxic. It’s poison. It causes incredible damage to a human being.
And it’s not even accurate anyway.
The LGBT community needs more Christians who are openly straight allies – who will remind them and show them how much God loves them, who will welcome them into churches, and speak out for this community when so many Christians speak out against it.
I recognise some of you may disagree with my position – and that’s fine. Just because people disagree on one issue doesn’t mean we can’t be brothers and sisters together, in community. But if some of you choose to stop reading, I’ll understand. Feel no guilt about doing so. We’re all entitled to our choices.
The only thing I will take issue with is when people comment – either in my comments here, or on social media anywhere – who either attack the LGBT community, want to simply have a massive debate or argument for arguments sake, who act like they have the only right argument and just want to force their opinions on others, and put down or patronise the LGBT community in any way.
Whatever your beliefs, that’s not loving your neighbour. It’s not loving, generous, kind, compassionate or considerate in any way. And if I see comments like that, they’ll be deleted.
Instead, let all of us, whatever our perspective, join together in love, and tell the LGBT community, both in our words and actions, the simple truth.
You are loved.
You are accepted.
You are welcome.
By us, and by God. As you are. Now. Today.
I hope you’re with me.
Questions For Reflection:
Would you be willing to sacrifice stats for authenticity?
Let me know in the comments below.
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I can not imagine anyone disagreeing with your opinion (though we know close-minded people do) and I applaud your post. I’m sorry to say this, but I see more “hate and close-mindness” come from religious people who tout the values of God as seen in a book written thousands of years ago, but are incapable of applying that practice of love in today’s world. Good for you.
Thanks for your kind comment Elyse. I totally get your point, though sadly many do disagree with the affirming view. And sadly, I do agree that there is much hate and close-mindness from religious groups, people who talk of a God of love, grace, mercy and forgiveness, but seem to show none to those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Thanks Elyse.
As a fellow straight ally, I support you in this. You will not lose me as a reader for this.
Thanks for the support Denise, appreciate it!
James, I applaud you for being authentic. I feel being authentic is essential in life and in social media. If we can’t be real with one another (in whatever ways we connect) then what is the point of friendship? While I have a different opinion on the issue you address in your blog, there is one thing we can agree on. To treat people as we want to be treated. Regardless of whether we agree with their lifestyle, the way they raise their children, their politics, or their religion, there is no reason to be hateful, mean, or demeaning to anyone. May we all strive to act in love. Great post! Oh! And to answer your question…Yes! I would be willing to sacrifice stats for authenticity.
Nichole, thanks for this comment, and your kind encouragement. It really encourages me also that we can be so respectful and positive even in our disagreement, and agree on the bigger issue, to treat people as they’d like to be treated. And awesome you’d be willing to sacrifice stats for authenticity.
I have been an advocate for the LGBT endeavor before it had a name, going back to the late 1960s. I had a gay roommate who explained the way birds and bees worked for him. We openly discussed many things. I am a Christian who is totally lost in the witch hunt by many hateful anti-LGBT Christians. It seems, for many Christians, the idea of ‘love your fellow man’ is only applied IF they have the same thoughts as you. Until my roommate explained things – I thought him to be straight and we’d been friends for over 4 years, even serving together in the Navy. Since that time, I’ve learned to be as authentic as possible, accepting all until they prove themselves otherwise. I have many LGBT friends, some openly, others still holding their secret, but I accept them all and they accept me. For if I deny them now, will He not deny me at Heaven’s gate? Stats be damned!
Thanks for this comment Bob – so awesome how you’ve been an advocate for this for so long, and thanks for sharing both your story and your experience, really appreciate it.
I don’t hate anyone. But we do disagree on one thing. I believe we are not born gay or straight. There is no prove for it. A male and female baby have the same brain, there is no gay gene or straight gene. There is no way to test a child for gayness or straight. It’s our enviroment that shapes us. There are many countries that have low homosexuality rate and there are countries that have a higher rate. One would think that it would be more balance. I don’t want to fight theology yet the bible does say that God created the everything in 6 sixs days. When God saw all that He had done, it was very good. There were plants, animals, birds, ext… and one man and one woman. For me this is God’s plan. I myself have fought with is issue for many years. I don’t think God hates anyone, and all I can do is try to learn His truth. I say Hats off to you James, for speaking out.
Hey Devan, thanks for your comment. Yep, we do disagree on one thing here – but so glad we can talk about this in a healthy, respectful & constructive way. Thanks for your encouragement.
Well said, James. I have always been amazed at the inconsistency in religious expression, how people can say “love thy neighbour,” but then hate people who offend their sensibilities in some way. And I am astounded how people can manipulate a church into hateful, harmful behaviour.
Good point Scott. I would say there are good, generous, loving people who disagree with my perspective, but are still welcoming and accepting of the LGBT community – not all non-affirming Christians cause this damage, and I want to make that clear.
But certainly there’s a lot of them who do, and it doesn’t make any sense to me, both biblically, morally, ethically, and it terms of the fruit it produces.
Loving one’s neighbor can be a form of sacrifice…one all Christians, who are true believers, should be willing to do. I don’t turn away from people because they act, believe, or worship in a way I don’t like. That’s not love. If my parents, friends, or acquaintances wrong me in some fashion I don’t stop loving them. That’s not forgiveness. I hope that I treat all people with the same grace.
Great comment Lisa, and absolutely spot on. Thanks so much.
A well-reasoned post. James. Thanks for sharing you thoughts with such eloquence.
Thanks Charles, appreciate your kind comment.
Wow… this topic can be so divisive and yet, you’ve been able to present it in a realistic and meaningful way without dividing. Great post James!
Thanks Lisa Jey – appreciate that!
I know you said above that you were aware you might lose readers based on airing your views. I just wanted to let you know that in me you have gained a reader. Having found your blog through another article, I’ve become an ardent follower, mainly because you are saying the kind of things I want to say but haven’t figured out how to yet. Authenticity requires sacrifice, yes, but also courage. I am still gathering mine….
Abbie, thank you so much for this comment – so encouraging to hear how my writing is having such a positive impact on others. it means the world to me to hear how it’s impacting you, so thank you so much, for both your encouragement and support.
And finally Abbie, just keep on taking little steps forward. The courage will come, trust me. Just keep on with the little steps and eventually you’ll find you’ve taken a big step and people will be lauding you for your courage. Personally, I think you’ve already shown through your comment that the courage you need is already inside of you – you just need to allow yourself to walk in it.
Thanks again.