Was she a ‘mature Christian’? I’m not sure. She attended church regularly and served the church community we were a part of. But I wouldn’t call her a ‘mature Christian’ by any stretch of the imagination.

Was my Mum perfect? Probably not. She had her insecurities and problems. She didn’t always get things right.

So why, despite her imperfections, is my Mum a spiritual and female hero?

On April 1st 1985, when I was 8 years old – funnily enough, during Holy Week – my mother had a severe asthma attack. She ended up in a deep coma. Doctors said she was unlikely to survive, and if she did she would essentially be a vegetable

But my Mum did wake up. She was no vegetable.

However, Doctors said she had lost her short-term memory. Although she would regain a large amount of it and otherwise was perfectly normal, she would never be quite the same again.

But when my Mum first came out of her coma one of the first things she did, was ring my Dad (proof her long-term memory was fine). Here’s the conversation:

Mum: “I’m back!!!”

Dad: “Great. Where have you been?”

Mum: “Oh, I’ve been walking with Jesus by Galilee and He’s sent me back”

I first heard this story when I was 8 years old. And I am convinced if I hadn’t heard this, I may not have set off on the spiritual journey which led me into relationship with God. The God who had brought my Mum back from the dead.

And now, having seen her life and some 13 years on from her passing, I can see a bigger story at work.

Just after her death, we looked at her diary. For months before her asthma-related death, she had been writing reminders to herself to remind me to ensure her funeral was a happy one. I still have this diary now.

The last time she saw my sister was saying goodbye to her at the airport when she left to go travelling. My Dad commented in hindsight how quiet and almost sombre she was on the way back from the airport.

It convinced me without any doubt. She knew her time had come. She knew she didn’t have long. Her small 5ft 2 body had been enduring regular asthma attacks for 15 years, and she knew it couldn’t take one more big attack.

And strangely, it seems she had total peace about it.

My Mum was sent back from the grave for a reason. To bring up me and my sister. (you can tweet that here)

God wanted her…or allowed her, if you look at it a different way, to be a stay-at-home Mum, instead of the working Mum she would have been. So we would know the love, spirit and compassion of her heart.

If she had been a working Mum, we wouldn’t have been the same people.

And once her job was done, once she had done the job she was sent back for, God took her home.

My Mum is a Patron Saint, because for the last 15 years of her life she battled against her own brain, her lack of a short-term memory, against all life could throw at her – and was able to survive, and be an incredible Mum. A Mum who wrote a prayer in the form of a poem, pleading that God spare us any more suffering (which you can read here).

She never let her own incapcity hold her back, never let her diability defeat her, and found a purpose beyond it.

Almost without realising it, she’s a spiritual hero too, because if Jesus hadn’t sent her back to be my Mum, I may not know Him in the way I do. And because despite everything she never gave up on God.

One day I will see her again. Without her asthma. Without her poor memory. Without pain and suffering.And we will celebrate together.

Because there was one other sure thing about my Mum. She always liked a good party.

But in the meantime I simply wanted to share with you some of my most read posts from the last 18 months or so.

For each post I’ll share a link to the post along with a small excerpt to give you a taster. I hope you are really blessed by these posts, and I look forward to sharing some new material with you very soon.

Abstinence: A dirty word?

Sex. So often it’s a taboo subject for Christians. I know I’ve never really written on the subject before. As a 30-something single Christian, who has been a Christian and believed in abstinence before marriage my entire life, I don’t exactly have practical experience.

However, recently I read a Gallup survey, done for the prominent Christian magazine ‘Relevant’. It’s results showed 80 per cent – yes, you read it right – of unmarried Christians in the US between the ages of 19-29 are having sex. That despite over 70 per cent saying they thought sex before marriage was wrong.

I have to confess, reading that stat did sadden me…… (continue reading here)

Masculinity – Beyond Gender

When writing on masculinity there’s always a danger that you can be accused of being under-qualified. In the church even more so – as a single man in his 30’s it can be easy, both culturally and in a church context, to be seen as not a ‘real’ man because I’m not married.

This kind of sums up the point I want to discuss – that a lot of what we have been reliably informed is what makes a man a ‘real man’ is not actually Biblical, but just cultural traditions which have come through misinterpretations and misunderstandings of scripture.

This post covers both singleness and masculinity – partially because so often the subjects are linked, especially in a church context…(continue reading here)

God’s Divine Destiny: The role of women in church

But this is an issue which I care about deeply. The attitude of some male leaders out there and how they have talked about and treated women, and the mistreatment of women even in attitude and tone, has upset me I’ll be brutally honest.

One of my biggest passions is seeing all people, men and women, fulfill their divine calling in God, and be free to become the people they were created to be. When women are limited, criticised, put down or stopped from doing this because of what I consider to be bad theology, that upsets me.

So what I’m going to do is outline briefly the main perspectives on this issue, look at a couple of Bible passages… (continue reading here)

Hi, I’m James and I’m a writer. I’m interested in exploring digital media & our divine journey, and aside from blogging here at JamesPrescott.co.uk I’m a regular guest blogger at bigbible.org and other sites. Follow me on Twitter and Facebook, and for bonus material subscribe to my blog/newsletter here

“God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as king not queen; father not mother. Second person of the Trinity is revealed as the eternal Son not daughter; the Father and the Son create man and woman in His image and give them the name man, the name of the male. From all of that I conclude that God has given Christianity a masculine feel.”

When we create, it is the art, the writing, the poetry, that comes from the deepest, truest part of us that tends to be the most powerful. It is difficult for any of us to create something if there is not an element of ourselves in it.

What we create in essence comes from deep within us, it is part of who we are.

Think of all the art, stories and poetry that has moved you most. It is the work that is true, authentic. Something of that person which connects with all of us.

Now we are all created in the image of God. So by definition we are all in part a reflection of who He is.

Though the rest of creation – animals and plants and everything else – may reflect something of God, fact is they weren’t made in His image.

Human beings – men and women -were. Scripture itself says it.

Now let’s just stop here and pause.

Male and female He created them, in the image of God. It does say that doesn’t it?

Hold on though. If God is essentially masculine, if He is ‘all man’. If God is a Father but not a mother, if He does not possess any feminine or motherly qualities then

He cannot create women in His image.

He cannot create mothers.

He cannot create something with any feminine dimensions or characteristics at all, which is ‘in His image’

God cannot create something in His image that’s not come out of a part of who He is.

Now as you may have noticed at some point, that we live in a world of both men and women. Masculine and feminine.

Not just men. Not just masculine.

I’m sure you’ve realised this.There is feminine and masculine. The evidence is in, none of us can ignore it.

So by definition, if God created all things, if – as scripture says- He created man and woman in His image…

…then God must have feminine, motherly qualities.

If God is the type of God that Piper describes, if He has no feminine or motherly qualities whatsoever, then there is only one conclusion we can draw.

He did not create any of us.

Above all, He is not God.

It essentially denies the whole of the creation story and effectively the whole of scripture. Which essentially means that anyone who believes in a God who has no feminine qualities is believing in a God who cannot be God, who cannot exist.

Very strange. Yet people believe in this type of God and have for centuries.

I’m sure the argument would be ‘Well He’s God, He can do anything’ – but you cannot create something which is not part of who you are. Indeed it denies what scripture says anyway, that God created male and female in His image.

;

Equal reflections, Equal roles

;

So what does this mean for the role of women?

Well, if God is feminine as well as masculine, and has motherly as well as fatherly qualities – then why would one gender be any superior to the other? Maybe each gender has specific characteristics in some ways, and some strengths and weaknesses, but there is no question that they are equal.

Equal before God, equal reflections of God.

Indeed, we have seen that there are crossovers – men can occasionally display what are traditionally deemed ‘feminine’ qualities and vice-versa. Which makes perfect sense if both men and women are made in God’s image and God has both masculine and feminine qualities in equal measure.

Piper, Driscoll and those who believe God is ‘all-man’ and doesn’t have feminine qualities really need to re-examine this issue.

Because the simple fact is that if you believe God created all things then you also have to believe that God has both masculine and feminine qualities. That God is both a Father and a Mother in equal measure.

If not, then the person you believe in cannot be God. Because God could not create women and femininity without having those qualities as part of His nature.

Why go on believing in a God who by definition cannot be God?

Lets actually accept that God is bigger than masculine and feminine. Beyond gender.

Both a Father, a Mother and more. Bigger than comprehension.

Then He really is God. Isn’t He?

;

Do you agree with me? If not, why not?

Do you believe God is both a Father and a Mother?

Are you comfortable with feminine imagery of God?

;

;

James Prescott is a writer & creative exploring digital media & divine journey of life. He blogs regularly at James Prescott.co.uk & is a regular guest blogger at bigbible.org.uk and other sites. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

;

;

;

Related posts:

The masculine/feminine balance

Masculinity: Beyond Gender

Masculinity: Beyond A Man-Box

Masculinity: Being ‘Jesu-nine’

It’s a big issue being discussed in popular culture and the church right now.Different people both in and outside the church are taking stands on opposing sides – and there are some very cruel and unloving words being said by some, on both sides.

The thing is, all of this discussion on the rights and wrongs of same-sex marriage completely misses the point.

It’s not the right discussion to be having in the first place.

There’s a much bigger and more significant discussion we should be engaged with. One that goes to the root of the issue.

A discussion on what marriage is.

What it means.

What it’s about.

Where it came from.

It’s purpose.

This to me is much more interesting than the debate that seems to be going on right now, and encapsulates this issue and many many more.

In an age where it’s become more and more easy to get married and divorced, where the number of failed marriages is increasing, the true meaning and purpose of marriage is beginning to be lost.

Indeed, most people now have either been in a failed marriage, or have relatives and/or friends who have been.

I’m one of these.

My parents divorced and I was very much stuck in the middle. My Dad’s second marriage also sadly ended as well.

Culture has changed. More and more couples are now living together and not getting married, or living together before they marry to ‘make sure’ that if they get married it will work out. Some now get married if one of the couple accidentally gets pregnant.

It happens so often now that we simply accept it.

We don’t really think about it.

Being unmarried, I don’t pretend I have all the answers about what marriage is. I could probably say a few things it isn’t, from the experience being stuck in the middle of my parents marriage growing up. I do have a few ideas of what it might be.

But I’m hardly the greatest authority on it, not yet.

So today I don’t want to answer this question. I want us merely to start asking it.

Instead of getting caught up in a discussion of whether certain people groups should or shouldn’t get married, let’s instead ask some important questions.

What does marriage mean?

Is a civil partnership a marriage?

Is it merely a legal contract between two people?

Where does God come in?

Why should we even get married?

Who is marriage for?

These are the questions we need to begin asking and reflecting on. This is a really important issue and one that impacts most of us one way or another. It’s one we must come to terms with.

If we’re married or considering getting married one day in the future we need to seriously consider them. We need to ask them to ourselves and spend time pondering them.

A lot of people who get married never ask them – not seriously anyway. People look at the fairytale or Hollywood fantasy about marriage and make it their dream. Others look on it as an ideal, something to aspire to. Still more think it is the thing that will complete them or make them whole.

But it doesn’t matter who we are and whatever we believe about God. If we want to have a meaningful, successful marriage, if we are serious about marriage, then we need to ask some of those questions of ourselves.

In the process of answering them, we may find many of the other questions are answered. We may also  discover whether we truly want to enter into marriage, and maybe, we might end up with a more successful, meaningful marriage.

So let’s begin asking – and answering – those questions.

What do you think marriage is?

What’s your experience of marriage?

How would you answer some of the questions I mention above?

What do you make of Obama’s comments?

James Prescott is a  writer & creative exploring social media & the messy but divine journey of life. He blogs regularly at James Prescott.co.uk & is a regular guest blogger at bigbible.org.uk and other sites. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

Related posts:

Abstinence – A dirty word?

Abstinence – Beyond the romance

Now some theological standpoints would say this role – to teach the gospel, the give the message of Christ to His people, would of course have to be a man. Of course it’s a man, only a man would be trusted to teach the gospel for the first time.

It has to be, if the traditionalists and complimentarians are correct in their theological beliefs. Otherwise their views would simply fall apart wouldn’t they?  Anyway, at that point in history, in that culture, a woman’s testimony wasn’t valid in a court of law, so there’s so chance it could be a woman.

Could it?

Hold on a moment.

Let’s have a look at scripture for a second. In Luke, we see it was three people named Mary Magdalene, Joanna and another woman named Mary who were the first to see the empty tomb and tell the disciples of the resurrection. In John, Mary Magdalene is the first one to see Jesus risen and tell the disciples.

So what do these three people have in common?

That’s right. They are all women.

Appearing to women and ensuring they preach the gospel first is a strange thing to do for someone who according to some doesn’t want women anywhere near the front in church, anywhere near doing a sermon, teaching the gospel or leading anyone.

Don’t you think?

(As an aside, it’s even stranger thing to do if you’re trying to pass a fake gospel, a fantasy or mythological story, as fact – as many still accuse the gospel writers of doing. If someone were trying to convince people of a lie, it’s not exactly smart to have a woman – whose testimony was invalid – as the first witness to Jesus resurrection. But I digress.)

But for Jesus to have a woman be the first preacher of the gospel, then later to forbid them from leading and teaching, makes absolutely no sense.

The reason? Simply put, the traditional and complimentarian views of the role of women aren’t Biblical and don’t fit with the way of Jesus, and how Jesus treated women, at all.

I wrote a lot about the role of women in church last autumn and dissected a few of the key scriptures concerning the issue, how they are about Paul empowering and educating women (who weren’t at the time) and also about warning those who followed the cult of Artemis – which said women were superior to men – that they were not better than men, but equal to them.

Today I want to share more about the dangers of the traditional and complimentarian view and how it’s shaped our culture.

This view of the role of women was held and accepted by most people for centuries. It came from when the scriptures were originally interpreted – by men.

Because culture at the time was male-dominated, and men liked being dominant, there was no way they were going to interpret them in a way which would lessen their influence. Rather they ensured it was interpreted in a way that reinforced what they already believed. Their preconceptions and cultural understandings ultimately got in the way of a more authentic interpretation.

Truth is they may have genuinely believed that their interpretation was correct.

But there is no question that their own prejudices would have impacted their thinking.

Today, we live in a culture where women are treated more equally, and are finding their voice rightly. Still there is a lot of work to do, even in a culture which pursues equality. But there is one place where this old perspective is still accepted, encouraged and even promoted.

We’ve mentioned it already. It’s in church.

More accurately, in churches which hold to this complimentarian and traditional view of the role of women. In these churches, there are good men and women who believe this view, and trust it and accept it completely.

However, in many instances the impact of these views, especially on women, can be extremely damaging.

This view disempowers women, limits them, restricts them, and at its worst it leads to demeaning and patronising treatment by men – in both their attitudes, behaviour and the words they speak.

I’ve heard sermons by some well-known male pastors (and I’m sure you know who I’m talking about…) where I’ve heard this kind of language and it’s been treated as perfectly acceptable – by both men and women in their churches & theological groups.

So how does this compare with how Jesus treats women?

Does He set limits on their roles and responsibilities?

Does He restrict them?

We’ve already seen how Jesus empowers and frees Mary, and sends her to preach the gospel – giving her identity and purpose.

However, what about another example – the woman at the well? (from John 4).

Jesus speaks truth and love into her life. He sets her free from her past and empowers and encourages her to live a new life – and she, like Mary, goes and tells everyone about Jesus.

She plays a kind of teaching and leadership role in making sure her everyone in her village knows who Jesus is.

Jesus consistently empowers and encourages women. He liberates them to be who they were made to be, sets no restrictions on them and treats them with respect, as equals.

One obvious question traditionalists and complimentarians would ask here is:

‘If Jesus wanted to empower women and let them lead, then why didn’t Jesus pick any female disciples? He could have done.’

That question is simple to answer.

Women weren’t educated in Jesus day. Jesus knew that He needed educated people who knew the basic scriptures (which all Jewish boys had to study at some level) in order to spread His message most effectively. He would explain His teachings in greater detail to His disciples, and He needed them to be educated.

It has nothing to do with Him wanting to exclude women in any way.

Knowing this, it makes even more sense then, that Jesus chooses a woman to spread the news of His resurrection, which needed no education at all to understand.

When He gets the opportunity, He empowers women and gives them the opportunity to teach, to lead others. He believes in them and sets them free to be who they were always capable of being.

The traditional and complimentarian views of the role of women don’t do that.

They can and do restrict, hold back, put down and bind women – and when misinterpreted or taken to an extreme can easily lead to disrespectful, demeaning treatment of women which is somehow ‘authorised’ as it’s scriptural.

Some argue it does give freedom – but it’s freedom within very specific and restricted boundaries.

We’ve seen enough female Christian leaders and teachers now (like Mother Theresa, left) to know that God does equip and call women to be leaders and teachers, in incredible ways.

If he didn’t there wouldn’t be female leaders anywhere.

Above all though, as I’ve discussed previously, scripture doesn’t actually back it up.

What’s so painful is to see women who resign themselves to the belief they can’t play certain roles in church or even in life – even though something inside of them is crying out to do them – and eventually just resign themselves to a life which they feel is unfulfilled or can’t play certain roles.

So how do we respond?

Well, first off, we must not respond with judgement. It is not our place to judge those we disagree with. We can hold opinions, argue our case strongly and be strong advocates for them – which I have tried to do today – but never should we sit in judgement.

That’s God’s job, not ours.

But what can we do practically?

First off, to women who already are free, who know this truth – seek to encourage and advocate this view wherever you go, to show other women – and men too – that God made us equal, that women does call women to lead and be a living example of that.

Secondly, as a man, I would say we as men must be empowering, encouraging, supporting and respecting the women we come into contact with. We must treat women as the equals they are, and be in the business of encouraging them and setting them free to be whoever and whatever God has called and made them to be. We must show by our actions what God’s real destiny and purpose for women is, be an advocate and set an example for those who believe differently.

Finally, if you’re a woman who believes this view but feel trapped, I want you all to know that Jesus wants to empower and equip you – and that there is no limit or restriction on what you can be in Him.

None.

If God’s plan for you involves leadership and/or teaching, so be it. Don’t let fear or a false theology restrict you. Jesus wants to set you free, not restrict you.

You are equal to all the men you know, not second or beneath. You are loved infinitely and bear the divine spark.

God has a divine destiny for you – for us all.

Whatever it is, whatever gender we are, let us not be afraid to embrace it.

What do you think – do you agree or disagree with me?

If you’re complimentarian or traditionalist, why do you believe what you believe?

What other ways can we seek to advocate and encourage Jesus empowering and liberating view and treatment of women in our churches and our daily lives?

Today we have another guest post, on an area that’s come up a lot on the blog in recent times, the issue of gender, and particularly our perceptions of women. It’s by Jo Royal, an Assistant Pastor and blogger from Basingstoke. She has a lot to say on the issue, let us know what you think…

————————————————————-

She’s a very strong woman!’

Last week, this statement cropped up in three separate conversations regarding different women.  Strong women.  And each time, I cringed.

I used to be a ‘strong’ woman.

I lifted weights at the gym regularly, practiced Judo weekly, and had a pretty good success rate with arm wrestling.

There’s nothing wrong with being a strong woman.

But, this wasn’t what they meant, was it?

No, the focus of their strength had nothing to do with their muscles, but their character.

What is a strong character?

Character can be defined as ‘the stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his or her response regardless of circumstances.‘

Therefore, a strong character can simply be defined as someone with the ability to respond with strength in all circumstances.  To remain constant and strong in a world crazed with uncertainty, inconsistency, and irrationality.

A strong character is needed if we are to effectively navigate life’s experiences.

If this is the understanding of a strong character, then why does the phrase so often get spat out with disdain and caution when specifically referring to women?

A strong woman?

The term ‘strong’ when referring to the character of a woman, often carries quite a distinct interpretation.

Bossy

Opinionated

Outspoken

Stubborn

But only of a woman.

Very rarely does the phrase get used when describing a man.  And if it does, then it is usually referred to as a positive character trait.

Is strength in a man a virtue, but strength in a woman a vice?

Is it good that a man displays strength, but a woman conceals it?

Is this what God ordained?  Did he create men to have strong character and women to be weak?  Can we read only of strong male characters in the Bible?

What of Ruth?  A woman of ‘chayil’ - (power, strength, resources, army, effective)

What of Deborah?  The prophetess and judge who had to know her own (or God’s) mind and speak it.

What of Mary?  Who chose to go against the cultural norms of the day, and engage in something she (rightly) saw as more important.

And what of Jael?  Who took matters into her own hands, confidently driving a tent peg through the head of an enemy.

And Biblical women weren’t strong?

Shouldn’t all Christians, whether male or female, aspire to have a strong character?  A character that allows them to follow the will of God, speak on his behalf, and love and forgive in a culture that exemplifies the opposite?

Shouldn’t all Christians, whether male or female, demonstrate a strength of character that comes from knowing who we were created to be?

Shouldn’t all Christians, whether male or female, be encouraged to speak up, and not shut up?

Shouldn’t all Christians, whether male or female, be encouraged to stand up for what is right

Shouldn’t a strong character in all Christians be celebrated and not shunned or frowned upon?

Yes, even when that strength is embodied in a woman.

And if the idea of this makes you feel uncomfortable, perhaps you ought to ask yourself why.

Jo Royal is an Assistant Pastor in Basingstoke. Her life = Friends, Tea, Converse, Starbucks, Equality + JESUS! She blogs about the little things that happen that teach us a lesson at http://www.joroyal.com

It’s a theme that will continue in some of my posts on a more irregular basis in future – I hope to have another guest poster posting on it soon – as it’s a subject I’m passionate about, that’s very important to our discipleship journey.

I find it very frustrating when some pastors (and I won’t name names, but most of you will know the ones I mean) come out and say Jesus had to be this this tough guy who could beat someone up.

But it’s just as frustrating when he’s portrayed as some wimpy loser, a total walkover, man in a dress. The Jesus-is-my-boyfriend, all-smiles ‘nice guy’. The picture sums this image up perfectly.

Frankly, neither version of Jesus seems manly, neither is the kind of man I want to be and neither is a Jesus I can follow.

Jesus wasn’t simply a ‘tough guy’ who would even consider beating someone up and put violence first, nor was He a total pansy, wimp and a walkover, all smiles all the time – and neither are what, in my eyes, a real man should be.

We have to move away from these restrictive, traditional and cultural ideas – and really look at Jesus, to understand what a real man – and above all a real human being – should be.

If you’ve been involved with the Christian faith for any length of time, you will have heard more than once before that Jesus was both 100% God and 100% human.

The latter, sadly, is often misunderstood and is often neglected.

It’s almost as if to talk about Jesus as human somehow lessens His divinity or the power of His message.

Truth is, the fact that Jesus was 100% man(kind) as well as 100% God, that He experienced the same temptations, emotions and experiences we did, actually makes His message even more powerful, more true and more authoritative.

It makes the fact that He led a sinless life and experienced torture and death for our sake even more powerful.

Without question, Jesus was 100% human – if He wasn’t, He wouldn’t have been able to take our place at calvary, and the cross meant nothing. Part of the mystery of God is that Jesus as at once God and man – in one person. But we must not neglect the humanity, the manhood, of Jesus.

Jesus would have been tempted too, in the same way we are.

You see, sin is not being tempted, sin is not temptation to sin, sin is not feeling an emotion – sin is how we act and think in response to those temptations, experiences and emotions, and Jesus didn’t sin.

But He would have experienced the same temptations, emotions, and experiences we go through in life – and physically He was a man.

Jesus life also proves – along with that of John the Baptist and Paul – that being a man has nothing to do with whether you are married or single. Jesus, Paul and John the Baptist were all unmarried, yet all were amazing men of God who achieved great things for God and were totally fulfilled – just as there were many great men of God who were married. There isn’t one or the other that’s preferable.

Jesus said of John the Baptist:

“Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist;” (Matt 11 v11).

Jesus said John was the greatest man who had ever lived, of those born of women – a phrase which put simply meant those were not conceived by the divine, excluding Himself.

John never married, nor had a family, had no money or formal job.

Yet Jesus said he was the greatest of all men.

So clearly, to be a man of God doesn’t necessarily mean – as is often implied by Mark Driscoll and some other evangelicals – that we have to be married, have a family, be financially successful or employed. It’s not at all that those things are bad in themselves, or that we shouldn’t desire them – not one bit. But they don’t make us any more or less of a man. That’s defined more by our character and behaviour.

God simply doesn’t measure success, achievement, or our manhood by the measures society – and sadly some Christians – use.

Indeed, during His ministry Jesus Himself had no formal job and none of His own money, nor possessions. He was celibate His whole life (as far as we know), and had no children.

Yet I don’t hear anyone saying that makes Him any less a man. There’s a reason. It doesn’t.

However, as the Saviour of the human race, Jesus is the ultimate example not just of what a man should be – but also of what a human being should be – and maybe that’s the bigger discussion we should be having here.

As we move forward in discussing these issues, instead of merely discussing what it means to be a man (or indeed a woman), we should be discussing about what it means to be a human being, in the way God made us to be – which is what Jesus really came here to show us, and is a key aspect of faith.

Jesus displays qualities of what we call masculinity and femininity, showing that they aren’t limited to gender.

The words ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ aren’t in scripture – they are merely how we have come to describe certain characteristics and qualities which traditionally have been more found in one or the other.

However, Jesus showed both what we today call ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ qualities – compassion, sensitivity, gentleness, (which we call feminine) and leadership, decisiveness, responsibility, courage, strength (which we label masculine).

Beyond this He showed supreme, divine love, grace and humility. Qualities that we should also be looking to model.

As well as Jesus – a man – displaying what we call ‘feminine’ qualities, we’ve seen already – in people like Margaret Thatcher for example – that women are well capable of displaying what we call masculine qualities.

The truth – something Jesus tried to embody – is that we are all - men and women alike – meant to exude both types of qualities, and gender doesn’t define these – or us.

It’s how we are created that defines who we are.

Although in general men display more masculine qualities and women feminine ones, it’s not gender exclusive and neither should it be, its merely part of God’s design for all of us – men and women – and we should be pursuing both – and Jesus showed us how to get the perfect balance.

The life of Jesus actually brings into question the very authority of the terms ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’, and calls us to change our whole perspective on them.

The terms themselves can be useful ways of describing certain types of characteristics, in many ways they can be useful labels. But we need to move beyond traditional understandings of them, to see that they are not restricted to men or women, that all of us are meant to embody both – and more.

Just as Jesus Himself, the model for humanity, did.

So instead of masculine or feminine, we should be more ‘Jesu-nine’.

What I mean by that is more like Jesus, more like the divine, more a balance of the best of both masculine and feminine qualities – as well as more of the other divine qualities that go beyond gender or sex – and that’s a discussion that’s important for both men and women alike.

Discipleship, for all of us, is a lifetime process of becoming more and more like Jesus, doing things more and more like Him – whether we’re man or woman – displaying the characteristics of what we call masculinity and femininity – and other divine qualities that go beyond that.

The answer to the masculine/feminine discussion? To abandon them, and learn to be more ‘Jesunine’.

To learn how to be human in the way Jesus showed us, the way we were designed to be – whether man or woman.

That, to me, sounds much more constructive.

Do you agree with me? Do you think Jesus was a balance of both masculine and feminine, as well as the divine?

Is your view of Jesus one of the ‘hard man’ Jesus or the ‘wimpy’ Jesus – or neither?

As men, what do you think we can learn from Jesus?

How can we learn to move beyond both masculinity and femininity, and be more ‘Jesunine’?

What have you learned from this series?

Also worth a read:

Masculinity 1: Beyond Gender

Masculinity 2: Beyond a man box (guest post)

The Masculine/Feminine balance

God’s divine destiny: The role of women in church

—————————————-

As a woman, writing a blog on masculinity, I am not sure what qualifications I have.  I have a father, a brother, a son and I am married to a man.  So perhaps that is where I should start.

My husband had been single for over a decade when we got married and had read every relationship book going.  A favourite of his was “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.

I really appreciated his commitment to growing himself and his relationships but (there’s always a but isn’t there…?) I really struggled with the fact anytime he did anything that bothered me he would justify himself by saying, “It’s because I’m a man.” 

Now if he had said it was because he had learned to behave in that way, or because he felt like it, or because he was just extremely irritating; I could have coped, but making it about his manhood somehow made it unchangeable, irrevocable and an almost God ordained way of being.

Often we can think that masculinity is fixed and there is a “one size fits all” element to it; something I’ve learned to refer to as the “man box”. This is a dangerous and extremely pervasive myth, seen as fact by many within the Christian community.

This box squashes men into a particular shape, one that usually requires physical strength, limited emotional ability, financial provision for the family and wielding power and authority (in a loving servant hearted way of course).

The reality is that the man box cannot do justice to the unique and awesome way God has created each one of us.  He has given us all specific gifts, talents and abilities.  What the man box does is prevent men from fully recognising everything God is calling them to be, it becomes about conforming to the man box, rather than living out the fullness of life Jesus calls each one of us to.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  Romans 12:2

My husband and I spent a lot of time and heated discussion on whether it was because “he was a man” and we concluded that, some of it was learned behaviour, some of it was because of expectations from society/culture/church and some of it was because that’s who God has made him to be (and I’ve learned to – just about – love those parts).

Rather than focusing on what it means to be a Christian man or woman, I believe it is much more important considering who God made us to be; what are our gifts and talents?  What are our weaknesses and failings that we need God to transform within us?  Our goal must always be to love the Lord our God with all our heart and mind and soul and to love our neighbour as ourselves.

As the Holy Spirit enables us to do this we will grow in the characteristics that really matter:

“…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”  (Galatians 5:22-23)

Do you agree with God_loves_women?

Is the ‘man-box’ limiting to men?

How can men break free of this box?

How does this influence our views of masculinity & femininity, and gender issues?

Related posts: 

Masculinity 1: Beyond Gender

The Masculine/Feminine Balance

———————————————————–
God_loves_women loves God with all her heart & hopes to share the truth of God’s love for women & her frustration when His body ignores this truth & puts down and devalues women. You can follow her on Twitter at @God_loves_women and find her writing online at God-loves-women.webs.com

When writing on masculinity there’s always a danger that you can be accused of being under-qualified. In the church even more so – as a single man in his 30’s it can be easy, both culturally and in a church context, to be seen as not a ‘real’ man because I’m not married.

This kind of sums up the point I want to discuss – that a lot of what we have been reliably informed is what makes a man a ‘real man’ is not actually Biblical, but just cultural traditions which have come through misinterpretations and misunderstandings of scripture.

This post covers both singleness and masculinity – partially because so often the subjects are linked, especially in a church context and partially because that’s largely my experience – often I’ve felt that because of my singleness, that somehow I’m not a real man, not as masculine as married men – that is partly my perception, but also partly down to the attitudes and language of some people I have met or heard speak on the subject.

You see, there are Christians out there who think there’s something wrong with you as a man if you’re not married or at least engaged – that you aren’t a ‘real man’, or a social exclusion that can happen if you are single and in a minority in your church.

It doesn’t just happen at church either. It happens culturally, in our everyday lives. We have other ways of speaking about it, other language we use, but it’s just the same.

Pub banter – often of a competitive nature – arguments over sport, women, current affairs, and also concerning personal performance in some of these areas, as well as professional performance. Often our definition of what makes a man is who performs the best, whose team is the best, and sadly, in a secular environment, often who has slept with the most or prettiest women. Men who don’t ‘perform’ in any of these areas aren’t deemed as ‘real men’.

Of course, this is all garbage.

None of this is what actually makes a man.

But yet this is what I have been exposed to growing up in a secular society and being part of church since a very young age. I was never told by anyone – at church or culturally, what a man was meant to be, how I was meant to act, what masculinity was.

Often it was assumed or implied, often communicated silently and subconsciously. I’ve heard preaching on the subject – especially from people like Mark Driscoll. Some of it helpful, some of it really unhelpful, to be honest.

Although there are many characteristics which are more obvious and noticeable in both men and women – what we term ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ traits – what I have come to understand is that actually many – in fact pretty much all – of these can be shared between genders.

For example, Driscoll, when talking about men, often talks about ‘real men’ needing to take responsibility for themselves and their families. Now call me Captain Obvious, but aren’t all of us called to take responsibility for our lives and the lives of our family?

Isn’t that something both genders do?

And isn’t a bit insulting to suggest that it’s only men that really display this quality and play this role?

Indeed, women leaders often display characteristics that Driscoll for example would term ‘masculine’ – but the fact is that they have these qualities, these characteristics and gifts, and God made them that way – so what have been termed ‘masculine’ qualities are showing themselves prevalent in a woman.

Many of you will have heard of the new film ‘The Iron Lady’, starring Meryl Streep as the former UK Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. I may not agree with her politics, but as an example of leadership – especially female leadership -  she was incredible.

As a woman leading a very traditional, right-wing political party and then going on to be the longest-serving UK Prime Minister of the 20th century, she was almost unique. Now in achieving this she displayed many what we would call ‘masculine’ qualities – although she definitely brought a unique feminine touch to the role of Prime Minister, without question, there was a degree where she exhibited many qualities we would normally call, ‘masculine’.

A woman naturally displaying masculine traits, as well as feminine ones. Can’t be unique can it?

The reverse often happens too – when a man is sensitive, in touch with their emotions, exceedingly compassionate, these are qualities which are often described as ‘feminine’ – indeed, they are often described as being in touch with their ‘feminine’ side – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (though some men would probably say or think there is).

The truth, I think, is complete simplicity.

Masculine qualities aren’t exclusive to men.

Feminine qualities aren’t exclusive to women.

Masculinity – and therefore femininity too – is beyond gender.

Men can possess feminine qualities, and women masculine ones. I mean, it makes sense doesn’t it? God made men and women in His own image – so God clearly possesses both masculine and feminine qualities.

If He didn’t, women can’t have been made in His image, so sorry to Mark Driscoll, John Piper and all those who can’t stand God having feminine qualities, or say He doesn’t – but it’s the truth.

It’s simple facts.

God has feminine qualities, just as much as masculine ones.

God, let’s be clear, goes beyond gender. He is without, beyond gender. He clearly possesses – if we are made in His image – both what we would call masculine and feminine qualities – though obviously, being God, there are dimensions Him which go beyond both.

The simple fact is, if God doesn’t have feminine qualities, He can’t be God in the first place. It’s simply not possible. God couldn’t make women in His image without He Himself possessing what we call feminine qualities, in abundance.

I am sure a whole host of complientarians and traditionalists are all jumping up in the air right now in annoyance and frustration, but there’s no way out of it.

That means also, if both men and women are made in His image, that we both, men and women, have masculine and feminine characteristics and qualities – and we must acknowledge this, celebrate it and embrace it.

Masculinity and femininity are then, beyond gender. They can be found in both genders – though masculinity may be found more obviously in men, and femininity in women, there are feminine elements to men, and masculine ones to women.

Now this isn’t to say that men and women are the same – because we are clearly different in a lot of ways, and those ways too should be celebrated.

Furthermore, both men and women need guidance on how to navigate who they are as men and women, to help discover their identity and gifting – teaching on gender differences and what it means to be a man and woman of God in the way we were created is very important. There are certain issues, characteristics and qualities than men and women need to face up to and deal with specifically, and taught on at a young age, so that they struggle less with their identities as they grow older and mature.

I know for sure I would have appreciated good teaching on what it means to be a man as I was growing up.

But part of good teaching on being a man should involve how to be in touch with the so-called feminine aspects of our make up, just as teaching on how to be a woman should contain elements on how to be in touch with their masculine qualities.

Not only would that help both men and women better understand themselves, but also one another  – and indeed God – better. If all of us did that, then things would be a lot better for everyone, wouldn’t they?

Think of a world where men better understand women and women better understand men – what a difference it would make.

The key isn’t simply teaching men to be more masculine or even defining masculinity. It is simply teaching both males and females more about both, at a young age, and above all accepting that femininity and masculinity are aspects of both men and women – and indeed, aspects of God.

No matter what gender we are, we all need to learn more about both femininity and masculinity – and as we do we inevitably learn not only more about ourselves and each other, but about God too.

That is definitely something worth pursuing.

Now time for you to join the discussion:

Do you agree that masculine  - and feminine – qualities go beyond gender?

If you are a single Christian man, have you ever been made to feel second class or less of a man because you are single?

Have you ever had masculinity – or what it means to be a man – defined to you?

What do you think makes a man?

Next week: A female perspective on masculinity

Related posts: The masculine/feminine balance

But to me there was something missing.

I felt a man’s perspective on gender issues was just not there. You see, I think we should all absolutely be championing women in leadership, and that the Bible is pro-women, and it’s absolutely right that women find their voice. I made that clear in my post earlier this week, with some theological background.

I just know, from my own experience as a man, that one danger of going to far with feminism can be that men no longer know what it is to be a man. They grow up without a clear definition of masculinity. We are told to ‘get in touch with our feminine side’, and then criticised for not being ‘man’ enough, all the time trying to be men and be positive about masculinity, without being anti-women or sexist in any way.

I think this is a serious problem, especially in church where people have different perceptions of the role of both men and women. I’m an egalitarian, I believe the question isn’t gender when it comes to leadership and teaching, it’s about character, gifting and calling. If you have those, then your gender, although part of who you are, is not relevant.

Your gender should never preclude you from any role. 

God created men and women equal – completely. Not the same – equal. That’s a slightly different concept. Men and women simply aren’t the same, and I think that’s pretty clear. But they are equal. For example, obviously there are some things men can’t do physically – the most obvious is getting pregnant and having children (although our culture is trying to change even that!), but in terms of roles in church, marriage and society there’s not much a man can do that woman shouldn’t be able to do provided they have the calling, gifting and character, the same requirements demanded of us men – so they are equal, not the same.

People have banded about terms like feminism, and I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with them. To be honest I’m less interested in labels – they are far to restrictive and can be liable to misinterpretation. If what I believe fits with one label or another, I’m not going to give it that label, though others are welcome to.

I believe myself and am part of a church which advocates equality in the role of women – not positive discrimination, because positive discrimination is still discrimination, and in my view can be just as damaging to whoever is on the other side of the argument, which isn’t Christ-like at all.

If that makes me a Christian feminist, in the best, most Christ-like interpretation of the word, so be it. If not, I won’t lose sleep over it. But I am pro-women, and believe Jesus is too, and am in favour of equality for women in all spheres of life. Whatever you want to call that, that’s your decision.

In the end, I felt this was too difficult a topic to do anything other than merely tell my story.

There’s so much potential to offend people without ever intending to, it’s such a hot topic that I felt the most honest way to do this was simply to tell my own story, to share my experiences on this subject, and see where that takes us.

If you are woman reading this, and in some way I do offend you, I apologise. This was not my intention writing this. In fact, I’m on your side believe it or not.

So what’s my story? Well I’ll be honest, growing up in the church I have had little or no definition of what a man is or should be. Pretty much none. There was plenty of girl-power, plenty of empowering women and talks on how to be a woman of God – absolutely correctly – but for me there was nothing on masculinity or what it means to be a man of God.

I’ll be totally honest too, the amount of girl-power around often felt intimidating and suffocating – as a man I got told on one hand to be in touch with my feminine side, then going out on dates with Christian women and meeting female friends all I heard was that there weren’t enough ‘real men’ out there, that men were too soft and too feminine.

I just sat and thought, well what am I meant to do?

On one hand I apparently need to be more feminine and in touch with that side of me, but on the other hand you are wondering why I’m not more ‘masculine’?

I mean, what do people expect? How do I get this balance right without offending someone, without looking either a total wimp or a complete misogynist?

It was quite frustrating, especially for a man who was desperate to find his true masculine side and was also trying to champion the role of women, because every time I tried to be more masculine, take more responsibility, I felt like I was upsetting the women out there. There was an inner conflict going on in me, as I tried to be more the kind of man God made me to be, but at the same time was desperate not to offend the women I knew or appear sexist.

That’s before we even get to Mr Mark Driscoll. A man who has caused great hurt to a great many women in his attitude to their role. A man who, I confess, makes me pretty angry at times with his attitude and theology. Now God is clearly using Mark in a positive way, bringing people to faith and into a church environment, changing lives for the better. I have no doubt God is using Mark Driscoll and he is doing some good in terms of helping men find there true identity.

But I’ll be honest. Whatever his intent, the impression I got from Driscoll was unless you’re a cage-fighting, can win-in-a-fight, mega-successful professional with a wife and a few kids, leading in a church environment (of course your wife won’t be, as if you follow Driscoll you’re a complimenatrian), then you’re not a man, in fact you might not even be saved or forgiven by God.

If you’re single in your mid-30’s, like me, you’re bordering on not being a real man. A real man gets married younger. If you have issues – doubts, fears and insecurities, which to be frank we all have in one way or another, and I think are healthy in many ways, you’re not a man.

Driscoll’s heart was right in one sense – even if his theology is, in my opinion, completely wrong about the role of women especially – he wanted to help men reclaim their masculinity.

But as tends to be our human nature, he went way too far. I felt like a complete failure, a total loser, a wimp, merely because I didn’t fit with his identikit for a man. I never agreed with his theology on the role of women but due to a lack of resources on masculinity (and because I like to listen to those I disagree with) I did listen to his material on how to be a man – with a big pinch of egalitarian salt.

Frankly, although he’s done some good, there’s a lot of damage that’s been done with that type of theology – to both women and men – and I know that I have experienced that in myself.

The longer I devote to I reflecting on this whole subject, on both my last blog post & this as well as the other posts and twitter debates that have arisen in the last few weeks, the more clear it becomes to me.

It is vital that our culture – and the church – reclaim both Godly masculinity and femininity, and that we need more education culturally and especially in our churches for both genders on these subjects.

Equality means just that.

It doesn’t mean positive discrimination, because in the long run that ends up having just a negative impact as ‘negative’ discrimination. Equality means equality. It means we learn about masculinity and femininity and celebrate the differences and the similarities between them.

I am aware some have written on this – and that some women don’t want or need to be told how to be a woman (and a man should never be teaching women on how to be women). But in my experience there are a lot of younger Christian women especially who are hungry and desperate to learn more about how to be a woman in the way God made them  – and in relation to Biblical masculinity I think ultimately I think we all need to get a better understanding what that really is and means.

I’m still discovering what it means to be Godly man in a healthy way, a way that celebrates my masculinity but at the same time is positive and affirming in it’s view of women, rather than damaging and restrictive. Maybe I’ll be discovering a bit more about masculinity every day for the rest of my life. But it’s absolutely crucial to have good teaching on these subjects.

Men need to be taught, in my view that part of being a man is championing women, being an advocate for the rights, freedoms and opportunities of women, for women finding their true voice and role in the world, the role God ordained for them, whatever that is.

By the same token, more women need to be taught about masculinity, and to be able to do the same for men, and allowing us men to be men in a healthy way, a way which celebrates our differences rather than uses them to divide us.

Men and women are different, and those differences should be celebrated and rejoiced in – but at the same time, both male and female are capable of playing many of the same roles – such as leadership, teaching and other roles which have previously been held mainly by the men.

I have said many times in my writing that following the way of Jesus is like walking a tightrope – and the metaphor certainly stands true when it comes to masculinity and femininity.

On one hand we need more men celebrating and understanding their masculinity without going off into a sexist, traditional and complimenatrian view. That view is unhealthy and doesn’t fully understand scriptural ideas of the role of women, and can end up doing tremendous damage.

On the other hand, the women should be celebrating their femininity and empowerment as women, finding their voice rightly, without making men feel guilty for being men and allowing men to be men in a healthy way.

That’s the masculine/feminine balance.

God created this world with men and women – we are meant to be working together, in relationship – not just within the context of marriage or ‘a relationship’, but as friends, brothers and sisters together, working together to make God’s kingdom a reality here, right now.

We are His body, His church, and there are masculine and feminine dimensions to this which should be acknowledged and celebrated, and it’s our job to play our part in doing that.

Now, time for you to join the discussion:

How much do you know about true masculinity and femininity?

Do you agree with the egalitarian view of the role of women, or are you more traditional or complimenatrian? Why?

If you’re a man, were you ever given a definition of what it meant to be a man that was unhealthy? Do you know what it really means to be a man?

How can we – as women and men – have a more positive view of masculinity whilst at the same time affirming equality, and being an advocate for the freedoms, rights and voice of women?

Related blog posts: God’s divine destiny: A few reflections on the role of women