Rob Bell tells a story in his new book about how when he first became a pastor, a member of his church came up to him after a service said to him ‘If you want to see real church, go to an AA meeting’. So he went, and when it came to his turn, just said ‘pass’.

He said after a while he began to realise something.

It was a “bullshit free zone” (his phrasing).

No hiding. No being polite in front of people. No disguising your weaknesses. No protecting yourself.

Just owning who you really are. Being vulnerable. Making yourself naked before others. Admitting your dark side. No hiding.

As I began to reflect on this I realised this would be a great model for church.

We’ve all experienced or heard about churches where secrets are kept. Where people hide their weaknesses. Where fear of being exposed governs behaviour. It happens all too often in the modern church.

But this isn’t church. It’s a (more…)

I have a confession to make. I am screwed up. I have bad habits which I’m ashamed of. I’ve made mistakes and still do. I can get annoyed at little things. I’ve been in a broken home and lost a parent young. I’ve seen alcoholism at first hand. I lack confidence and occasionally self-esteem. I can be lazy, make excuses and procrastinate.

In other words, I’m a mess.

I don’t have it all together.

My life isn’t perfect.

I don’t have all the answers.

However, I get encouragement from others about the kind of person they see. A wise, intelligent, insightful person with (more…)

Last weekend I blogged about how we need to feel the absence of God in order to have intimacy with God. It’s a major part of my journey right now – and today I want to take this discussion further.

I’ve been going through a season of doubt in my faith. Asking questions which have taken me to the very heart of my faith. But in many ways I felt closer to God then than I have done when things were good. When faith was certain.

It’s strange, but in the moment of doubt and despair I’ve actually felt an intimacy with God I don’t feel in the good times.

I have always suspected doubt is good for our relationship with God. Now, I’m even more certain.

To have an intimate relationship with the divine, we need doubt. We can’t live (more…)

Today is Holy Saturday. This day, in the Easter story, is a day when Jesus is dead. Gone. Absent. If people are sick, there’s no one to heal them. If people want words of wisdom or insight, He’s not there.

He’s dead. In the tomb.

Yesterday and today I’ve read a lot of tweets and Facebook updates, talking about how difficult Good Friday was…

…but we must remember Sunday.

How it’s all going to be okay because Jesus rises again.

We don’t have to get depressed about His death, because we know it’s all okay in the end.

Now there might be some truth in this. Jesus does rise again. Which is awesome.

But can we wait till tomorrow to remember it?

All this triumphalism disappoints me. It hurts. Because the truth is, things don’t always (more…)

For the last two weeks I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday”. The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

Anyhow, here’s today’s “5 Minute Friday” – the theme, appropriately for Good Friday, is “Broken”.

Here goes…

The myth perpetuated throughout our culture is some people have it all together – the successful, rich, good-looking – and some don’t. And this is how it is. Allegedly.

Except it’s not true.

All of us are broken.

Every. Single. One of us.

We’re all messed up. We’ve all made mistakes.

We all have deep hurts, fears and insecurities buried (more…)

Hi there. I’ve not written to you much. We normally do this verbally. But anyway, I have some thoughts to share with you.

I know I’ve not been the perfect disciple. My whole life I’ve attended church, so much so I don’t know a life without it. But both of us know I’m nowhere near perfect. You see my bad habits, the bitter, under-my-breath prayers cursing you, even saying I hate you.

Sometimes I wonder how authentic my faith in you is. I wonder how much I believe in you because simply I’m afraid of the alternative – rather than simply because you’re true.

You see, I can’t bear the thought of a world without you. This place is so dark and messed up. I live in a system which lives to make money, to sell products I don’t need. And I am so much as part of this, almost to the degree where there is no difference.

Is this the radical faith you spoke about?

Is this the counter-cultural life you call me to?

It certainly doesn’t seem like it.

But a world without you? You not being real? I can’t imagine.

What would it be like?

There would still be (more…)

I don’t normally write posts and post them on the same day. I usually take time to edit and refine them, to allow the message to marinade in my heart, before finally sharing it. As a writer who is growing in his gift, it’s a good discipline to learn.

But occasionally you need to take a risk. You need to go out of your comfort zone.

And you just have something on your heart to share which you know needs to get out.

As it is.

Raw and naked for the world to see.

I would think of it as is kind of a ’5 minute Friday’ of my own, on a Thursday, unprompted, unedited, on a theme which has come straight from the heart. It’s even in a different font, because it’s come straight from Evernote & I’m not quite technically savvy enough to change it. That’s how raw it is.

Seriously though, I’d recommend occasional spontaneous writing and sharing to anyone, especially those passionate about writing & creativity. It will unlock thoughts, feelings and questions you never knew existed.

Anyhow, here we go with mine….

 
I want to write words whose power goes beyond words.

I want to write words which open our imaginations to endless possibilties, words which point to infinity, which open our souls to the reality that nothing we can ever describe, experience or imagine can ever truly capture, contain, know, or aptly describe the wonder, love, grace, nature and awesomeness of God, or who He is.

In one way words are very limiting, but if we use them well, they can be liberating.

Words must always be the beginning, never the (more…)

One of my my all-time top films is ‘Shadowlands’, adapted from the play by William Nicholson. It’s based on the true story of one of my favourite authors, C.S.Lewis. It tells the story of how he talked about suffering as God’s “megaphone to rouse a deaf world” and then experienced this for himself when his wife suffered and died from cancer.

But there is an interesting quote about prayer in the film. It comes from a part of the play when Joy is in brief remission, and the University priest says to Lewis how hard he’s been praying, and God is answering his prayers. But Lewis responds:

“That’s not why I pray. 

I pray because I can’t help myself. 

I pray because I’m helpless. 

I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. 

It doesn’t change God- it changes me.” – Shadowlands (William Nicholson)

This woke me up to one simple truth.

God doesn’t need us to (more…)

I’ve written about my late Mum here before. She has an amazing story to tell. But today it’s National Woman’s Day and this coming Sunday it’s Mothers Day – so today I want to tell you why my Mum is one of my heroes – as a woman and as a Christian.

Was she a ‘mature Christian’? I’m not sure. She attended church regularly and served the church community we were a part of. But I wouldn’t call her a ‘mature Christian’ by any stretch of the imagination.

Was my Mum perfect? Probably not. She had her insecurities and problems. She didn’t always get things right.

So why, despite her imperfections, is my Mum a spiritual and female hero?

On April 1st 1985, when I was 8 years old – funnily enough, during Holy Week – my mother had a severe asthma attack. She ended up in a deep coma. Doctors said she was unlikely to survive, and if she did she would essentially be a vegetable

But my Mum did wake up. She was no vegetable.

However, Doctors said she had lost her short-term memory. Although she would regain a large amount of it and otherwise was perfectly normal, she would never be quite the same again.

But when my Mum first came out of her coma one of the first things she did, was ring my Dad (proof her long-term memory was fine). Here’s the conversation:

Mum: “I’m back!!!”

Dad: “Great. Where have you been?”

Mum: “Oh, I’ve been walking with Jesus by Galilee and He’s sent me back”

I first heard this story when I was 8 years old. And I am convinced if I hadn’t heard this, I may not have set off on the spiritual journey which (more…)

Today I have the privilege of posting a guest post from the wonderful Wendy van Eyck. She is a TV producer and writer from Johannesburg, South Africa. She blogs regularly at ilovedevotionals.com.We began communicating via social media earlier this year, and I now count her as a good friend.

I guest posted on her blog recently, and immediately invited her to return the favour. Here Wendy shares with us about how she discovered God’s road map for her life. 

I was asked recently to write a road map of the moments in my life where anxiety or fear or pain has defined my story.

In place of words I was told to use symbols and pictures.

It was weird to sit down and map my life according to milestones I’d rather forget.

• There were the nights when the pain in my ears had me writhing in pain as a toddler.

• Days when I came out of school unsure of whether my mother would make it through this bout in ICU with a heart disorder.

• Minutes marked only by the ticking of the grandfather clock as I’d creep through the house and stand next to my parents bed to check they were breathing.

• Seconds in crumpling cars as tar and asphalt and metal collided to change the course of my life.

• The moment my parents told me they didn’t approve of me marrying the man I now call my husband because (more…)