I have a confession to make. I am screwed up. I have bad habits which I’m ashamed of. I’ve made mistakes and still do. I can get annoyed at little things. I’ve been in a broken home and lost a parent young. I’ve seen alcoholism at first hand. I lack confidence and occasionally self-esteem. I can be lazy, make excuses and procrastinate.

In other words, I’m a mess.

I don’t have it all together.

My life isn’t perfect.

I don’t have all the answers.

However, I get encouragement from others about the kind of person they see. A wise, intelligent, insightful person with (more…)

Last weekend I blogged about how we need to feel the absence of God in order to have intimacy with God. It’s a major part of my journey right now – and today I want to take this discussion further.

I’ve been going through a season of doubt in my faith. Asking questions which have taken me to the very heart of my faith. But in many ways I felt closer to God then than I have done when things were good. When faith was certain.

It’s strange, but in the moment of doubt and despair I’ve actually felt an intimacy with God I don’t feel in the good times.

I have always suspected doubt is good for our relationship with God. Now, I’m even more certain.

To have an intimate relationship with the divine, we need doubt. We can’t live (more…)

Today is Holy Saturday. This day, in the Easter story, is a day when Jesus is dead. Gone. Absent. If people are sick, there’s no one to heal them. If people want words of wisdom or insight, He’s not there.

He’s dead. In the tomb.

Yesterday and today I’ve read a lot of tweets and Facebook updates, talking about how difficult Good Friday was…

…but we must remember Sunday.

How it’s all going to be okay because Jesus rises again.

We don’t have to get depressed about His death, because we know it’s all okay in the end.

Now there might be some truth in this. Jesus does rise again. Which is awesome.

But can we wait till tomorrow to remember it?

All this triumphalism disappoints me. It hurts. Because the truth is, things don’t always (more…)

For the last two weeks I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday”. The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

Anyhow, here’s today’s “5 Minute Friday” – the theme, appropriately for Good Friday, is “Broken”.

Here goes…

The myth perpetuated throughout our culture is some people have it all together – the successful, rich, good-looking – and some don’t. And this is how it is. Allegedly.

Except it’s not true.

All of us are broken.

Every. Single. One of us.

We’re all messed up. We’ve all made mistakes.

We all have deep hurts, fears and insecurities buried (more…)

Hi there. I’ve not written to you much. We normally do this verbally. But anyway, I have some thoughts to share with you.

I know I’ve not been the perfect disciple. My whole life I’ve attended church, so much so I don’t know a life without it. But both of us know I’m nowhere near perfect. You see my bad habits, the bitter, under-my-breath prayers cursing you, even saying I hate you.

Sometimes I wonder how authentic my faith in you is. I wonder how much I believe in you because simply I’m afraid of the alternative – rather than simply because you’re true.

You see, I can’t bear the thought of a world without you. This place is so dark and messed up. I live in a system which lives to make money, to sell products I don’t need. And I am so much as part of this, almost to the degree where there is no difference.

Is this the radical faith you spoke about?

Is this the counter-cultural life you call me to?

It certainly doesn’t seem like it.

But a world without you? You not being real? I can’t imagine.

What would it be like?

There would still be (more…)

Have you ever read the scripture about God not letting us suffer beyond what we can bear? It makes sense doesn’t it, a God of perfect love not wanting His creation to suffer beyond what they can endure?

There’s only one problem with it.

It’s not in scripture at all. Have a look, trust me it’s not there.

If you’re thinking differently, you are probably thinking of 1 Corinthians 10 v 13, which tells us God won’t let us be tempted beyond what we can bear.

An entirely different issue.

Which leaves us with the old phrase about God not letting us suffer beyond our capability to suffer. People still believe this, even if they know it’s not in scripture.

Because anything else doesn’t fit with their image of God.

But if my experience is anything to go by, it’s almost certainly (more…)

A lot has happened to me in my 35 years. If I were to go into too much depth it would be pages and pages of writing.

A mother who lost her short-term memory when I was 8, bullied at school, my Mum becoming depressed and alcoholic and constantly fighting with my Dad before they eventually they broke up. Losing Mum at the age of 23 and then seeing my Dad suffer with Parkinson’s and a second broken marriage.

It’s been painful. Ironically though it was all of this that pushed me closer to the God I was brought up to know, and who I have given my life to.

My pain has made me who I am. (Tweet that here)

Have you ever found that?

What experiences have shaped you (more…)

A man owned a beautiful, rare piece of artwork, worth millions. But he was afraid of it being stolen. He decided “I want to keep this safe, where no one can get to it, where it can never be stolen”.

So he puts the painting in a safe in the most secure bank vault in the world. His wife noticed the painting is gone and asked

“Where did the painting go?”. He replies “Oh, I locked it away so it was safe. Now no one can steal it. I know it’s safe now.”

She replied  “Yes, but now no one can marvel at it’s beauty, reflect on it’s meaning and admire the creativity and talent behind it. It might be more safe  but no one can fully appreciate it’s magnificence.”

Many of us are like this with our faith. We want it safe and controlled. We like a nice, secure faith where we know the boundaries and where we stand. It’s much easier to have a relationship with that kind of God.

But it’s not real faith at all.

A faith that’s safe, can’t be faith. (Tweet that here)

If our faith doesn’t allow for questioning, if we cannot explore the mystery of the divine, we are going to miss out on God completely.

We will have a concept of God which we understand, which allows us to practice our faith more easily. But we will not have true intimacy (more…)

Many of us believe in a supernatural realm. Whether it’s a mystical god, to ghosts or goblins, to vague unseen spiritual forces or whether it’s the god of a religion we happen to follow, many of us have a sense of something beyond.

Something we cannot see. But we have a sense is there.

Now, as a Christian, I don’t believe in ghosts at all.

But myself and many others believe not just that there might be a supernatural realm, but that there is a very real one. One where spirits from different sides are at work.

There are terms like ‘spiritual warfare’ banded about in church.

In the context of the Christian faith we talk about a presence in this unseen spiritual realm who is a person, called the Holy Spirit. This Holy Spirit is someone we do not physically see, but who we merely see by the impact He has on ourselves, others and the world around us.

When we talk about people being touched by the Holy Spirit (he says in very good Christianese) then we mean they have been interacting with someone unseen – but very real.

Indeed, God Himself is someone no one has seen.

Lots of people talk about Him and being in His presence, but no one anywhere has ever physically met Him.

He is unseen.

The only direct physical representation we have of God is (more…)

Today’s post is one of the most honest I have ever written. I wrote it as a stream of consciousness, straight from my heart.

I let out what I was really thinking without the fear and boundaries I so often put up, or are afraid to go beyond.

Which is really what the post is all about.

As part of developing my gift of writing, I was challenged today to share something dangerous with you.

So here I am.

Being honest.

The Honest Truth

I want to be free.

Free to explore God and my relationship with Jesus without being bounded by theological rules or boundaries.

Free to think dangerously.

Free from the box of faith.

I’m tired of religious and legalistic boundaries, (more…)