Hi there. I’ve not written to you much. We normally do this verbally. But anyway, I have some thoughts to share with you.

I know I’ve not been the perfect disciple. My whole life I’ve attended church, so much so I don’t know a life without it. But both of us know I’m nowhere near perfect. You see my bad habits, the bitter, under-my-breath prayers cursing you, even saying I hate you.

Sometimes I wonder how authentic my faith in you is. I wonder how much I believe in you because simply I’m afraid of the alternative – rather than simply because you’re true.

You see, I can’t bear the thought of a world without you. This place is so dark and messed up. I live in a system which lives to make money, to sell products I don’t need. And I am so much as part of this, almost to the degree where there is no difference.

Is this the radical faith you spoke about?

Is this the counter-cultural life you call me to?

It certainly doesn’t seem like it.

But a world without you? You not being real? I can’t imagine.

What would it be like?

There would still be (more…)

One of my my all-time top films is ‘Shadowlands’, adapted from the play by William Nicholson. It’s based on the true story of one of my favourite authors, C.S.Lewis. It tells the story of how he talked about suffering as God’s “megaphone to rouse a deaf world” and then experienced this for himself when his wife suffered and died from cancer.

But there is an interesting quote about prayer in the film. It comes from a part of the play when Joy is in brief remission, and the University priest says to Lewis how hard he’s been praying, and God is answering his prayers. But Lewis responds:

“That’s not why I pray. 

I pray because I can’t help myself. 

I pray because I’m helpless. 

I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. 

It doesn’t change God- it changes me.” – Shadowlands (William Nicholson)

This woke me up to one simple truth.

God doesn’t need us to (more…)

I’ve written about my late Mum here before. She has an amazing story to tell. But today it’s National Woman’s Day and this coming Sunday it’s Mothers Day – so today I want to tell you why my Mum is one of my heroes – as a woman and as a Christian.

Was she a ‘mature Christian’? I’m not sure. She attended church regularly and served the church community we were a part of. But I wouldn’t call her a ‘mature Christian’ by any stretch of the imagination.

Was my Mum perfect? Probably not. She had her insecurities and problems. She didn’t always get things right.

So why, despite her imperfections, is my Mum a spiritual and female hero?

On April 1st 1985, when I was 8 years old – funnily enough, during Holy Week – my mother had a severe asthma attack. She ended up in a deep coma. Doctors said she was unlikely to survive, and if she did she would essentially be a vegetable

But my Mum did wake up. She was no vegetable.

However, Doctors said she had lost her short-term memory. Although she would regain a large amount of it and otherwise was perfectly normal, she would never be quite the same again.

But when my Mum first came out of her coma one of the first things she did, was ring my Dad (proof her long-term memory was fine). Here’s the conversation:

Mum: “I’m back!!!”

Dad: “Great. Where have you been?”

Mum: “Oh, I’ve been walking with Jesus by Galilee and He’s sent me back”

I first heard this story when I was 8 years old. And I am convinced if I hadn’t heard this, I may not have set off on the spiritual journey which (more…)

I recently posted on the ‘God-shaped hole’ (find it here), where I concluded by saying the idea of the hole in us which can be completed is a lie – because we’re already complete in God. It’s as we open our eyes and receive the gift that’s already been given, we are opened up to the work of God in all areas of our lives.

But there’s another dimension to this issue of ‘the hole’.

I’ve been going through a season of doubt in recent months, with nothing but questions and emptiness when it came to God. Through the process, I’ve finally come to a place of brutal, complete honesty with myself and God.

One evening during this time I was praying. Without thinking, I found myself saying to God

“I don’t trust you” (you can tweet that here)

I’d never said that before. (more…)

Ever heard the phrase ‘God-shaped hole’? You ever been told you have a ‘God shaped hole’ in your life which only God can fill, and which you fill with other things?

Of course that sounds great doesn’t it? It sounds comforting and logical.

But it’s a lie.

We don’t have a God-shaped hole.(Tweet that here)

First off, the term implies there are other parts of us that either are already complete in God – or worse, don’t need God.

How much of what we believe is simply about lacking something and trying to fill that lack? (more…)

A man owned a beautiful, rare piece of artwork, worth millions. But he was afraid of it being stolen. He decided “I want to keep this safe, where no one can get to it, where it can never be stolen”.

So he puts the painting in a safe in the most secure bank vault in the world. His wife noticed the painting is gone and asked

“Where did the painting go?”. He replies “Oh, I locked it away so it was safe. Now no one can steal it. I know it’s safe now.”

She replied  “Yes, but now no one can marvel at it’s beauty, reflect on it’s meaning and admire the creativity and talent behind it. It might be more safe  but no one can fully appreciate it’s magnificence.”

Many of us are like this with our faith. We want it safe and controlled. We like a nice, secure faith where we know the boundaries and where we stand. It’s much easier to have a relationship with that kind of God.

But it’s not real faith at all.

A faith that’s safe, can’t be faith. (Tweet that here)

If our faith doesn’t allow for questioning, if we cannot explore the mystery of the divine, we are going to miss out on God completely.

We will have a concept of God which we understand, which allows us to practice our faith more easily. But we will not have true intimacy (more…)

Do you feel like you’re alone in the world? Behind the front of social self we put on for the world?

I think many of us feel this way, deep down in our soul.

We ignore it, we cover it up, we hide behind status, achievement, success and even relationships.

But ultimately there is something within us crying out to feel we belong.

I know I can be standing in a roomful of people but feel completely alone, and not belonging at all. I am certain I’m not alone in this.

We were all created with this need.

With the desire to belong, to be complete.

All of us find ways of fulfilling that need. Relationships, drinking, drugs, success, sex, power  – and even church. But none of these completely satisfy.

The truth is we all live in a broken, mucked up world and are all broken, mucked up people.

It’s not as simple as saying the moment we become a Christian suddenly we belong, suddenly we are complete. That’s a lie that many churches and Christians perpetuate. That if we believe in God suddenly everything will be okay.

‘Hollywood Jesus’.

But it’s a lie. Truth is we can go to church, have an incredible experience and feel great.

Then we come home. Then we live life. (more…)

Last week I posted arguably the most brutally honest post I’ve ever published. I laid bare my heart for this blog, for my writing and for God. I exposed parts of myself I’d never been open about more  – maybe not even with myself.

It was only after I had published the post, and seen the incredible response to it, that I began to realise it’s implications.

There was no going back. I had put something out into the world I could not take back.

The concepts, passions, desires that I shared were challenging. Uncompromising. Fully engaging them, following through on what was on my heart was going to be a challenge.

But things were not going to be the same. They simply couldn’t be.  (more…)

Many of us believe in a supernatural realm. Whether it’s a mystical god, to ghosts or goblins, to vague unseen spiritual forces or whether it’s the god of a religion we happen to follow, many of us have a sense of something beyond.

Something we cannot see. But we have a sense is there.

Now, as a Christian, I don’t believe in ghosts at all.

But myself and many others believe not just that there might be a supernatural realm, but that there is a very real one. One where spirits from different sides are at work.

There are terms like ‘spiritual warfare’ banded about in church.

In the context of the Christian faith we talk about a presence in this unseen spiritual realm who is a person, called the Holy Spirit. This Holy Spirit is someone we do not physically see, but who we merely see by the impact He has on ourselves, others and the world around us.

When we talk about people being touched by the Holy Spirit (he says in very good Christianese) then we mean they have been interacting with someone unseen – but very real.

Indeed, God Himself is someone no one has seen.

Lots of people talk about Him and being in His presence, but no one anywhere has ever physically met Him.

He is unseen.

The only direct physical representation we have of God is (more…)

Today’s post is one of the most honest I have ever written. I wrote it as a stream of consciousness, straight from my heart.

I let out what I was really thinking without the fear and boundaries I so often put up, or are afraid to go beyond.

Which is really what the post is all about.

As part of developing my gift of writing, I was challenged today to share something dangerous with you.

So here I am.

Being honest.

The Honest Truth

I want to be free.

Free to explore God and my relationship with Jesus without being bounded by theological rules or boundaries.

Free to think dangerously.

Free from the box of faith.

I’m tired of religious and legalistic boundaries, (more…)