For the last three weeks now I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday”. The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share

So, here’s today’s “5 Minute Friday” – the theme is “After”.

After.

We don’t often talk about after.

We build up our desires don’t we?

The job. The husband or wife. The career. The book contract. Whatever it is we desire most, we have a habit of building it up. Placing impossible expectations on it.

And then we get it.

So what then?

What happens after? (more…)

I don’t generally write on singleness, because I don’t see it as a label and my value isn’t tied into my marital status. I’ve been single the majority of my life. Much of the time I’ve been an unhappy single. Not no much anymore (though I have my moments).

How and why did this change? When I changed my perspective on marriage and relationships. For years I held the same view as I believe many in our culture – and in church – have of singleness and marriage:

Simply this:

Singleness is the waiting room.

Marriage is where the journey (more…)

As you’ve probably noticed, this month I’m taking a break from posting new material. There will be more on my reasons and the outcomes of this next month, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

But in the meantime I simply wanted to share with you some of my most read posts from the last 18 months or so.

For each post I’ll share a link to the post along with a small excerpt to give you a taster. I hope you are really blessed by these posts, and I look forward to sharing some new material with you very soon.

Abstinence: A dirty word?

Sex. So often it’s a taboo subject for Christians. I know I’ve never really written on the subject before (more…)

Barack Obama this week spoke publicly on the subject same-sex marriage. He made clear his endorsement of same-sex marriage and championed the push to make it legal.

It’s a big issue being discussed in popular culture and the church right now.Different people both in and outside the church are taking stands on opposing sides – and there are some very cruel and unloving words being said by some, on both sides.

The thing is, all of this discussion on the rights and wrongs of same-sex marriage completely misses the point.

It’s not the right discussion to be having in the first place.

There’s a much bigger and more significant discussion we should be engaged with. One that goes to the root of the issue.

A discussion on what marriage is. (more…)

Romance. We all love it don’t we? This week was Valentine’s Day – which our consumer society has made a day about romance (I don’t say love, deliberately…if only it were a day about real love) – and there’s nothing like a great romantic story.

Many of us daydream about our own (it’s okay, you can admit it) – and when we’re fed such a diet of rom-coms and Hollywood endings, it’s very easy to get sucked into thinking this is normal.

But this romanticism isn’t something we apply simply to relationships.

It can be easy to over-romanticise every area of our lives – work, relationships, creativity, and of course the supernatural  – and these romantic films certainly encourage this view. It’s so easy, that we can do it without even realising.

For example, I could easily romanticise my writing and creativity.

The romantic in me would simply quit my job, finish my book and then sell it to a publisher. Then of course there’d be the happy ending to the story when it sold millions and millions of copies and was a roaring success.  (more…)

Today, for part 2 of our masculinity series, we have a guest post. On a subject like masculinity I felt it would be interesting to get a female perspective, so today we have a post by @God_loves_women – a prominent womans advocate, tweeter and writer. She is married and lives in the UK, and prefers for safety reasons to keep her identity confidential.

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As a woman, writing a blog on masculinity, I am not sure what qualifications I have.  I have a father, a brother, a son and I am married to a man.  So perhaps that is where I should start.

My husband had been single for over a decade when we got married and had read every relationship book going.  A favourite of his was “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.

I really appreciated his commitment to growing himself and his relationships but (there’s always a but isn’t there…?) I really struggled with the fact anytime he did anything that bothered me he would justify himself by saying, “It’s because I’m a man.”  (more…)

After writing a lot on relationships and the role of women in the last few months, I felt it appropriate to share a little on the issue of masculinity. So in the next few weeks we’re going to be having a series here on this issue – including a guest post next week, with the female perspective on masculinity.

When writing on masculinity there’s always a danger that you can be accused of being under-qualified. In the church even more so – as a single man in his 30’s it can be easy, both culturally and in a church context, to be seen as not a ‘real’ man because I’m not married.

This kind of sums up the point I want to discuss – that a lot of what we have been reliably informed is what makes a man a ‘real man’ is not actually Biblical, but just cultural traditions which have come through misinterpretations and misunderstandings of scripture.

This post covers both singleness and masculinity – partially because so often the subjects are linked, especially in a church context and partially because that’s largely my experience – often I’ve felt that because of my singleness, that somehow I’m not a real man, not as masculine as married men – that is partly my perception, but also partly down to the attitudes and language of some people I have met or heard speak on the subject. (more…)

I’ve been overwhelmed in the last couple of weeks by the response to my both the first and second posts in this series on abstinence. What often happens when you write is God takes an issue you’re passionate about and care deeply for, and inspires you to write something. But what you’re not prepared for is how others will respond. I have to confess a feeling of risk when first posting the initial blog post, and wasn’t too sure how people would react, given the nature of the topic.

However, the response to both was amazing.

I received questions, heard some great points made on either side, from all sorts of sources too. Posted to me on Facebook, via Twitter, as well of course some great comments in direct response to the posts themselves. That’s been brilliant because one thing I love is a good discussion.

I genuinely feel that healthy discussion, showing love, respect and grace, whatever your opinion, is actually a very positive and constructive thing, whether you ultimately agree or disagree.

So thank you to all those who’ve contributed.

This third part of the series is really about drawing it all together and possibly answering some of the questions people who’ve either commented directly or replied to the post on social networking have put forward.

The first thing I want to say is to be totally honest. I am tempted in this area. (more…)

I’ve been overwhelmed with the response to last weeks first part of this abstinence series. It’s such an important subject and I firmly believe that it’s important we discuss these things. Last week I talked about the concept and importance of abstinence before marriage and it’s Biblical basis.

In part two today I wanted to focus on the reality, rather than simply the ideal. I didn’t and don’t want to present abstinence before marriage as some kind of guarantee of success in marriage.

However much I’d like to, the reality is that it doesn’t always turn out that way. I know Christians who have been abstinent before marriage but the marriage still hasn’t worked out. Others have been abused sexually before marriage.

We live in a less than perfect world and, as all of us know, it often doesn’t work out how we plan. (more…)

Sex. So often it’s a taboo subject for Christians. I know I’ve never really written on the subject before. As a 30-something single Christian, who has been a Christian and believed in abstinence before marriage my entire life, I don’t exactly have practical experience.

However, recently I read a Gallup survey, done for the prominent Christian magazine ‘Relevant’. It’s results showed 80 per cent – yes, you read it right – of unmarried Christians in the US between the ages of 19-29 are having sex. That despite over 70 per cent saying they thought sex before marriage was wrong.

I have to confess, reading that stat did sadden me. I’ve been a Christian pretty much my entire life and I’ve never seen stats which showed such a large proportion of Christians having pre-marital sex. The statistic alone, for me, demanded a response and a re-examination of the topic.

(more…)