I was recently making a dent in my sofa after doing some cleaning and tidying. I felt I’d earned it. I let my body go like a sail with air through it, and just relaxed. I was tempted to turn the radio or TV on. But for some reason I didn’t. I just stopped.

I listened to the voices inside my head. You know, the voices we all have but choose to ignore. The random thoughts. The reflections.

And as listened, realised there was so much more in there than empty space or jumbled thoughts.

My mind was playing pictures, images, words, thoughts. I could see them all happening at once, like a movie playing in the infinite cinema of my (more…)

I have a confession to make. I am screwed up. I have bad habits which I’m ashamed of. I’ve made mistakes and still do. I can get annoyed at little things. I’ve been in a broken home and lost a parent young. I’ve seen alcoholism at first hand. I lack confidence and occasionally self-esteem. I can be lazy, make excuses and procrastinate.

In other words, I’m a mess.

I don’t have it all together.

My life isn’t perfect.

I don’t have all the answers.

However, I get encouragement from others about the kind of person they see. A wise, intelligent, insightful person with (more…)

For the last month  now I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday”. The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

If you’re a writer or blogger of any kind, I’d recommend it – it really pushes you and helps you grow as a writer.

And today I’m doing it again.

So here’s today’s “5 Minute Friday” – the theme is “Here”.

Here. A place I have never been before and never will be again. We live and work in very familiar surroundings. I will go home again. I will sit at my desk again. And physically these are the same.

But this moment in time will never exist again. I will never be precisely as I am  (more…)

Last weekend I blogged about how we need to feel the absence of God in order to have intimacy with God. It’s a major part of my journey right now – and today I want to take this discussion further.

I’ve been going through a season of doubt in my faith. Asking questions which have taken me to the very heart of my faith. But in many ways I felt closer to God then than I have done when things were good. When faith was certain.

It’s strange, but in the moment of doubt and despair I’ve actually felt an intimacy with God I don’t feel in the good times.

I have always suspected doubt is good for our relationship with God. Now, I’m even more certain.

To have an intimate relationship with the divine, we need doubt. We can’t live (more…)

Today is Holy Saturday. This day, in the Easter story, is a day when Jesus is dead. Gone. Absent. If people are sick, there’s no one to heal them. If people want words of wisdom or insight, He’s not there.

He’s dead. In the tomb.

Yesterday and today I’ve read a lot of tweets and Facebook updates, talking about how difficult Good Friday was…

…but we must remember Sunday.

How it’s all going to be okay because Jesus rises again.

We don’t have to get depressed about His death, because we know it’s all okay in the end.

Now there might be some truth in this. Jesus does rise again. Which is awesome.

But can we wait till tomorrow to remember it?

All this triumphalism disappoints me. It hurts. Because the truth is, things don’t always (more…)

Hi there. I’ve not written to you much. We normally do this verbally. But anyway, I have some thoughts to share with you.

I know I’ve not been the perfect disciple. My whole life I’ve attended church, so much so I don’t know a life without it. But both of us know I’m nowhere near perfect. You see my bad habits, the bitter, under-my-breath prayers cursing you, even saying I hate you.

Sometimes I wonder how authentic my faith in you is. I wonder how much I believe in you because simply I’m afraid of the alternative – rather than simply because you’re true.

You see, I can’t bear the thought of a world without you. This place is so dark and messed up. I live in a system which lives to make money, to sell products I don’t need. And I am so much as part of this, almost to the degree where there is no difference.

Is this the radical faith you spoke about?

Is this the counter-cultural life you call me to?

It certainly doesn’t seem like it.

But a world without you? You not being real? I can’t imagine.

What would it be like?

There would still be (more…)

One of my my all-time top films is ‘Shadowlands’, adapted from the play by William Nicholson. It’s based on the true story of one of my favourite authors, C.S.Lewis. It tells the story of how he talked about suffering as God’s “megaphone to rouse a deaf world” and then experienced this for himself when his wife suffered and died from cancer.

But there is an interesting quote about prayer in the film. It comes from a part of the play when Joy is in brief remission, and the University priest says to Lewis how hard he’s been praying, and God is answering his prayers. But Lewis responds:

“That’s not why I pray. 

I pray because I can’t help myself. 

I pray because I’m helpless. 

I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. 

It doesn’t change God- it changes me.” – Shadowlands (William Nicholson)

This woke me up to one simple truth.

God doesn’t need us to (more…)

I recently noticed something about my life. Most of the stories I’m telling, all the big, significant moments in my life that impacted me the most.

They’re in the past. They aren’t in the present.

Bullying at school. Growing up in a broken home. My Mum’s death. Even, to a degree, the transformation and healing that has come in the last few years at my current church.

All these stories have one thing in common. They are largely past tense.

Obviously they still have an impact on me now, still shape me  - and there are still lessons to be learned from them. I can still use the experiences to serve others. They aren’t totally invalidated whatsoever, and never will be.

But truth is, I’m beginning to get tired telling only those stories.

You see, all of our lives are stories. Every part of our life is a chapter of a story. (you can tweet that here)

But whilst some are great stories, others aren’t. They need (more…)

The eagle-eyed of you may have noticed a distinct lack of new material here in the last month or so. I decided to take a bit of what is commonly called a ‘sabbatical’ from posting new material here (though some guest posts have appeared elsewhere).

I’d love to give you all nice Christian jargon to explain this, like I ‘felt God leading me to’ or ‘it was a time/season of resting’ (come on, you’ve all heard this language before).

But that’s not really me, I’d rather just be myself and be honest. So here’s the deal.

I lost all motivation and energy for posting, and realised my motives were getting distorted.

Writing  – more specifically posting  – was getting me down. It had become a burden.

I posted out of fear of failure and anonymity, to be popular and successful. This fear had also subtly impacted my writing itself, in subtle ways. I had begun writing for everyone else.

What I felt I should write, what would be popular.

Writing and posting had become an idol. (more…)

Many of us believe in a supernatural realm. Whether it’s a mystical god, to ghosts or goblins, to vague unseen spiritual forces or whether it’s the god of a religion we happen to follow, many of us have a sense of something beyond.

Something we cannot see. But we have a sense is there.

Now, as a Christian, I don’t believe in ghosts at all.

But myself and many others believe not just that there might be a supernatural realm, but that there is a very real one. One where spirits from different sides are at work.

There are terms like ‘spiritual warfare’ banded about in church.

In the context of the Christian faith we talk about a presence in this unseen spiritual realm who is a person, called the Holy Spirit. This Holy Spirit is someone we do not physically see, but who we merely see by the impact He has on ourselves, others and the world around us.

When we talk about people being touched by the Holy Spirit (he says in very good Christianese) then we mean they have been interacting with someone unseen – but very real.

Indeed, God Himself is someone no one has seen.

Lots of people talk about Him and being in His presence, but no one anywhere has ever physically met Him.

He is unseen.

The only direct physical representation we have of God is (more…)