I recently posted on the ‘God-shaped hole’ (find it here), where I concluded by saying the idea of the hole in us which can be completed is a lie – because we’re already complete in God. It’s as we open our eyes and receive the gift that’s already been given, we are opened up to the work of God in all areas of our lives.
But there’s another dimension to this issue of ‘the hole’.
I’ve been going through a season of doubt in recent months, with nothing but questions and emptiness when it came to God. Through the process, I’ve finally come to a place of brutal, complete honesty with myself and God.
One evening during this time I was praying. Without thinking, I found myself saying to God
“I don’t trust you” (you can tweet that here)
I’d never said that before.
I almost tried to deny this and make some compensatory comment afterwards to justify it. But I stopped myself – because I knew it was the truth. It wasn’t good to hear.
I knew God existed. I loved God. I knew how much He loved me and how blessed I was. I know all this still.
But yet my heart simply didn’t trust Him.
Nevertheless, here I was praying to Him. The very next day I had an incredible experience of the Spirit of God in church. I’d set myself to serve and go and pray for people, but found myself moving in the Spirit. I couldn’t ‘turn it off’ either, by opening my eyes or any other way.
However, when someone asked what I wanted prayer for,
I had no idea what to say.
There were no words. Or maybe, too many.
But even after this outpouring of blessing, and others before and since, I still struggle to trust God. I doubt Him.
Yet I feel closer to Him than ever.
I am going deeper into relationship with Him than I have before. My relationship with Him is more true than it ever has been.
Creating Space for God
As I hinted at in my post about relationship stories, if you’re telling a great story with your life you there’s no gap for a romantic relationship. You have to create it, when you meet the right person. As you do this, they become more a part of who you are.
It’s just the same in our relationship with Jesus.
Rather than a ‘God-shaped hole’, this is simply allowing God more and more access to who we are. To our very souls.
There should always be this space in our relationship with God. A space we create and continue to grow, by allowing God access to ourselves. A space which allows us to question, doubt and go deeper.
There should always be an element of mystery and the unknown when it comes to the divine. Or it’s probably not God at all
But allowing Him more and more space in our lives involves sacrifice.
It involves trust and faith.
It brings no guarantee it will be filled by blessing or a warm feeling, or an amazing spiritual experience.
But in healthy relationship with God there will always be space will be for healthy questioning, for a non-intellectual doubt experienced fully by ourselves.
As you can see, this has been my experience in recent months.
It’s only through allowing God access, creating space for questioning and doubt, I have discovered a deeper intimacy with Him.
It is only as I have faced up to the truth of myself, I have been able to journey this deep with the divine. (tweet that here)
I have given God a space to move into – and He has. In a way I could never have foreseen.
Ironically, the more I have doubted and questioned God, the more intimacy I have found with Him.
My challenge now is to keep doing this. Not settling for safety or a comfort zone.
Then I can continue to go deeper with my creator.
So, today ask yourself:
‘How much access am I really, truly allowing God to my innermost being?’
‘How much space am I creating for God to move into?’
“Am I really being honest with myself about where I am with God?”
Today, have the courage to be honest with your creator. It might take you deeper than you ever imagined.
Do you agree or disagree with me? Why?
How much space are you allowing God into your life?
Are you willing to be honest with God – and yourself – about who you are & what you feel?
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