For the last eight weeks now I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday” (you can find all my Five Minute Friday posts in the ‘related posts’ at the bottom). The concept is simple, and brilliant:

Write for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a theme given by Lisa-Jo – and then share it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

If you’re a writer or blogger, I’d recommend it – it really challenges and helps you grow as a writer. It’s most definitely helped me.

Today’s theme is ‘Song’. I hope you like the post, and please do let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Here goes:

I love singing. I love putting my iPod on and pretending I am on a band on stage, in my room.

I was recently making a dent in my sofa after doing some cleaning and tidying. I felt I’d earned it. I let my body go like a sail with air through it, and just relaxed. I was tempted to turn the radio or TV on. But for some reason I didn’t. I just stopped.

I listened to the voices inside my head. You know, the voices we all have but choose to ignore. The random thoughts. The reflections.

And as listened, realised there was so much more in there than empty space or jumbled thoughts.

My mind was playing pictures, images, words, thoughts. I could see them all happening at once, like a movie playing in the infinite cinema of my imagination. Thoughts I was ashamed of, concerns, ideas, responsibilities…my mind was full and it was playing them like a montage to me, so quickly I barely had time to acknowledge them all.

In the silence I could hear the sounds of the world. Cars driving down the road. People in their everyday conversations as they walked past my flat. Single and multiple birds chirping their unique and instantly forgotten songs.

People and animals all journeying on their own stories.

And somehow, the world seemed both bigger and smaller. As I thought on the vastness of my own mind, and how much information and almost infinite depth it has, the outside world seemed small.

But as I heard all the noises of the outside world, of people living their stories, I suddenly felt very small. Like I was merely one more stories in billions of stories all happening at once, and only occasionally intertwining – some people’s more than others.

Yet within this vastness of creation, there is the vastness of each individual.

The endless mystery of the human mind and soul. The untold, unseen depths to each individual.

And as I reflected on these, I saw an divine perspective. How the story of our lives is merely one in 6 billion going on in this world, and how this world is only one part of an endlessly expanding universe with mysteries and stories yet unseen.

This story is part of yet another, larger story. The story of time itself. Time, the great unraveller of mysteries, the one who outlasts all of us mortals.

And of course, all of these mysteries and stories are all part of one bigger story. The greatest mystery of all. The one who wrote all these stories and intertwined them majestically before time, before creation itself. The mystery we can never hope to understand, comprehend, experience or know completely.

The story of God.

Time, the universe, the earth and our souls.

Mysteries within mysteries. Stories within stories.

Going on endlessly, even as we sit at home having our dinner. Going onwards relentlessly even as we sleep. So little is in our control in many ways. But in others, so much.

Everything is a mystery. Yet so often we want to control it all. (you can tweet that here)

With knowledge. Religion. Even our imagination.

But none of these are adequate. Time and creation themselves are beyond our understanding. We can never know all things.

Which is not to say we should stop trying. We are created with this divine longing to explore, to learn, to grow, to understand more.

We should always be indulging this longing. Learning. Growing. Understanding. Going deeper.

The beauty of this divine longing is it can never truly be satisfied.

Maybe truly fearing God is simply about recognising at once we are an infinite, mysterious soul…but also acknowledging we are also part of stories and mysteries which are far beyond us and we can never hope to fully explain or understand.

Relationship with God is to indulge this longing. Yearning to know more the the mystery and be immersed more in the story.

Don’t you?

For the last seven weeks I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday” (you can find all my Five Minute Friday posts in the ‘related posts’ at the bottom). The concept is simple:

Write for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then share it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

If you’re a writer or blogger, I’d heartedly recommend it – it really challenges and helps you grow as a writer. It’s most definitely helped me.

The topics which Lisa-Jo comes up with each week have a funny way of calling out something God has been doing in my life that week, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. It’s strange that way – and it’s one reason I love it.

Today’s theme is ‘Comfort’. I hope you like the post, and please do let me know your thoughts in the comments below. So here goes:

When you’re a Christian, it’s very easy to get a particular image of God. A God who is simply waiting to punish us, holding on to catch us out. So when we inevitably screw up – which, let’s face it, we all do – it’s easy to go beyond taking responsibility and to punish ourselves. I’ve done this many a time.

Been convicted of something I’ve done wrong, then punished myself. It’s not done any good. All it’s done is made the issue worse. Instead of actually dealing with the issue, I’ve become depressed, negative and lost all confidence. And that’s not condusive to growth.

What we’re called to do is take responsibility for our dark side, and commit to positive change.

We aren’t called to punish ourselves. We aren’t called to judge ourselves. And God isn’t sitting there waiting to punish us. He’s sitting there waiting to love us. Forgive us. Comfort us. And transform us.

We simply need to own the truth about ourselves and our actions. Then, choose to live differently.

We need to understand the grace of God for us in these circumstances. Because when we own our dark side, then we experience grace. We receive the comfort of God.

Even the time we are feeling at our lowest, ashamed of our actions

there is comfort. Safety.

We are at home.

God doesn’t work to the same standard the rest of the world does. All God asks is we take responsibility for our actions.

And this allows us to be transformed.

Even if we didn’t, He’s still love us. He’d still comfort us in our sorrow. He’d still be willing to  forgive us.

But do we really want to stand still? Do we want to stagnate? Do we want to stay the same? Or do we want to be transformed? Do we want to grow? To know God more intimately and discover our divine identity.

And discover the depth of God’s love, grace and comfort?

Because it’s only owning our shadow, taking responsibility for our mistakes, which makes this possible. It’s not that God’s love or blessing is conditional – it’s always there – but when we don’t own our shadow, we prevent ourselves receiving the fullness of this blessing. As we’re not being honest with either God or ourselves.

And this is damaging.

Do you want to be transformed? Do you want to know true comfort?

Or do you want to stagnate? And only receive a glimpse of the unconditional love, grace and comfort available to you?

It’s up to you.

This post is part of ’5 Minute Friday’ – today, on the theme “Comfort”

Find out more here!

Did you enjoy this post? Why not share it on Twitter? 

You can get your FREE e-book & MP3 downloads here or by clicking the picture below.

Admit it. You  have insecurities, doubts and fears. You may never share them or let others in on them, but they are there. Buried deep inside. Often not confronted – which only makes them worse.

Life does this to us. It makes us anxious and afraid, then destroys us from the inside.

Three of the biggest myths about brokenness:

1) We have to have it all together to have a meaningful life.

2) We are the only ones who’ve experienced it.

3) There is no way out of our brokenness.

To tackle them briefly in turn, I suspect if you looked at most of the people who’ve succeeded in the world, the ones you think most have it together, and saw what was really going on, you’d see they were just as messed up as you.

Secondly, if you were to actually go around asking people whether they’d experienced the same doubts, fears and insecurities than you – and people had to be truthful – you’d find way more people than you expected would be able to say

“Me too”

And sometimes “Me too” is one of the most powerful phrases you can hear.

As for the third. Well I could write my own story here. But I have a friend, Sundi Jo Graham (pictured) who has been through her fair share of pain. She has experienced abuse, addiction, and grief in equal amounts. And yet she is still here. She’s survived.

She is living proof of resurrection. Living proof hope is real.

Sundi Jo is a courageous, strong woman who has overcome many battles in her life and has the scars to tell the tale.

And I’m privileged to count her as a friend.

She has recently written a book about her experiences, called simply ‘Dear Dad’. Written in journal/diary format most of the time, it outlines her journey as she battles her own inner demons, her doubts, fears and questions. She writes straight from the heart, no holds barred about her battles with herself, her past and her wrestling with God.

Sundi Jo never holds back. On every page you are hit in your deepest depths by the intensity of her struggles. You can almost feel the shockwaves of a wrestling match between Sundi and God, as tries to overcome her own insecurities and doubts, and find peace.

The book brings into sharp focus the realities of living in a broken world, trying to reconcile deep pain with faith in a loving God. It gives hope to us all  by showing none of us are beyond redemption. And it displays how in the absence, the doubt, pain can bring, you still feel the touch of the divine.

‘Dear Dad’ is a book for all who’ve been broken, all who’ve had doubts, all who’ve felt pain.

In other words, a book for all of us. (tweet that here)

The book releases today, and if you get a copy in the next week you can also get over £35 (or over $60) worth of free gifts – which you can find out more about here.

Sundi Jo blogs regularly and and has written other books. She’s a woman of great integrity, and writes with the authority of someone who has been to the darkest depths and survived. She is living proof to me of resurrection. If you want a little taste of her story, watch the video below – it moved me almost to tears. You can find out more about her here

If you want a book to remind you that you’re not alone in your suffering, try out “Dear Dad”. I couldn’t recommend it more. It’s available here (or alternatively here if you live in the States) from today

Because, in truth, we’re all broken. So here’s Sundi Jo sharing a bit of her testimony:

Did you enjoy this post? Why not share it on Twitter? 

You can get your FREE e-book & MP3 downloads here or by clicking the picture below.

For the last six weeks now I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday” (you can find all my Five Minute Friday posts in the ‘related posts’ at the bottom). The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

If you’re a writer or blogger, I’d definitely recommend it – it really challenges and helps you grow as a writer. It’s certainly helped me.

The topics which Lisa-Jo comes up with each week have a funny way of calling out something God has been doing in my life that week. It’s strange that way – and it’s one reason I love it.

Today’s theme is ‘Brave’. I hope you like the post, please do let me know your thoughts in the comments below. So here goes:

When we hear the word ‘brave’ we often think of taking big risks. Making a jump. To paraphrase a well-known TV show and film series, going boldly where no man (or woman) has gone before.

But I’ve learned recently saying yes to every opportunity for the sake of being courageous, or taking a risk, isn’t being brave.

It’s not taking a risk at all.

It’s actually more cowardly than brave.

I have experienced this myself recently. As I’ve grown as a writer more opportunities have begun to come my way. And because I’ve been so afraid of missing out on ‘the big opportunity’ I’ve said yes to most of them.

And, of course, it’s come back to haunt me.

Some have just been shunted to the side. And others have been completed, but not as I would wish. And yet more have been forgotten about for a period.

As a result, I’ve been completely drained. Lacking energy. Lacking creativity. And panicking about having to complete all of them. It’s actually caused me more anxiety and stress. Which isn’t condusive to great work.

I’ve spread myself way too thinly. And all because I wasn’t brave enough to say no. In my fear, I’ve said yes to everything

During this process, I’ve become convinced that a major sign of good character is actually being brave enough to say no to opportunities. To have the wisdom, discernment and courage to know when to say no, to do it with dignity

and accept the consequences.

So instead of saying yes to everything and draining ourselves, let’s be brave.

Let’s learn when to say no. And have the courage to do so.

This post is part of ’5 Minute Friday’ – today, on the theme “Brave”

Find out more here!

Did you enjoy this post? Why not share it on Twitter? 

You can get your FREE e-book & MP3 downloads here or by clicking the picture below.

For the last five weeks I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday”. The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

If you’re a writer or blogger of any kind, I’d definitely recommend it – it really pushes you and helps you grow as a writer.

Today’s theme is ‘Friend’ – which was a testing one given I wrote a post on it last night and was shattered after a busy week. But I had a go. So here’s my thoughts on ‘Friend’ – do let me know what you think!

How many friends do you have? In a world where we can ‘friend’ people we’ve never met by social media, we can be friends with lots of people we’ve never met. I have hundreds of Facebook friends and over 1000 Twitter followers.

But am I really ‘friends’ with all of those?

What really is a friend?

I think the meaning of the word has been lost, or diluted. We’ve made ‘friend’ a byword for someone we’ve had one conversation with online or in person, and only have the odd interaction from time to time afterward.

Is that a friend?

Not in my book.

Being a friend is much, much more than making a click on your mouse.

A friend is someone who when you’re having the lowest moment you’ve had for a long time – as I did earlier this week – are there to pick you up. They speak truth and encouragement into your life when you need it the most – no matter what else they may be doing.

Friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. They speak truth and love into your life. They remind you who you really are, and don’t put conditions on their love.

And these friends can be physical, face to face friends, or close relationships you’ve made online. The medium doesn’t necessary mean the relationship is any less. Some of my closest friendships are with people who I’ve never met face to face.

In the midst of my dark day of the soul this week I interacted with three good friends who I trust completely – and who I’ve never met. Meanwhile one of my older and closest friends, who knew nothing of my struggle at the time, happened to message me at that exact moment – with a word of encouragement.

A word he’d had from God about a gifting and calling for me.

It was no coincidence this happened at the exact moment it did. Because we’re such good friends, there is something divine in our friendship – and God spoke to Him at that precise moment because I needed to hear from him.

You see a friend isn’t a person you connect with only once and barely interact with.

A friend is someone who, essentially, is Jesus to someone else.

Who will love them unconditionally. Accept them as they are, but not let them stay that way. Support them when the whole world is against them. Forgive when they make mistakes. Show them grace. And give them a kick up the backside when you need it.

To be a friend is a commitment.

And we all need friends

and to be friends.

This post is part of ’5 Minute Friday’ – today, on the theme “Friend”.

Find out more here!

Did you enjoy this post? Why not share it on Twitter? 

You can get your FREE e-book & MP3 downloads here or by clicking the picture below.

He said after a while he began to realise something.

It was a “bullshit free zone” (his phrasing).

No hiding. No being polite in front of people. No disguising your weaknesses. No protecting yourself.

Just owning who you really are. Being vulnerable. Making yourself naked before others. Admitting your dark side. No hiding.

As I began to reflect on this I realised this would be a great model for church.

We’ve all experienced or heard about churches where secrets are kept. Where people hide their weaknesses. Where fear of being exposed governs behaviour. It happens all too often in the modern church.

But this isn’t church. It’s a hiding place. It’s not a home of real transformation.

Imagine a church where no one hid anything for the sake of appearances. Where there was no disguising your weaknesses in case someone found out. A space where no one fears full disclosure. Where we can all be stripped bare without any fear.

My church is quite good in this respect. It’s a safe place to be vulnerable, and our pastor is open about his own struggles. Everyone is accepted just as they are, no matter how broken.

But no matter how great your church, there is always a temptation to hide weaknesses, isn’t there?

I find it difficult to discuss my most shameful habits with most people from my church.And if I feel this way, I’m pretty sure there are others who feel the same.

Imagine, a group where you had no choice but to confront yourself completely. To bare yourself naked in front of everyone. To shine a light on your dark side publicly.

But furthermore, imagine a community where you could do this without fear.

No fear of exposing your dark side. No fear of any consequences. A space which was so full of love, grace, forgiveness and trust no one was ever afraid to share absolutely anything.

A place where someone knew no matter what they shared, they would be unconditionally loved and accepted. Where the past would not be held against them by others – but the community would instead focus on helping them deal with this darkness.

Overcoming an addiction.

Coping with a broken marriage or relationship.

Admitting they feel suicidal.

Confessing to betraying someone in the group, or taking advantage of them.

A community like this – with love which casts out fear, grace which accepts us as we are but compels us to change, a “bulllshit-free” atmosphere which allows people to bare their souls without shame – this, I believe, is precisely what Jesus meant by church.

If I ever did plant a church, or lead a home group – not that I expect to – this would be my model.

This kind of church excites me. It’s the kind of church I’d like to be part of. And to be honest, the size wouldn’t matter. Possibly even the smaller the better.

A church free of fear. A church where we can be stripped bare and be transformed.

Can you imagine it? (you can tweet that here)

Does it exist?

I think it could. In fact, I am sure there are places like this out there. My church is the closest I’ve experienced to it.

Is it scary? Yes.

Is it comfortable? No.

But it’s the kind of church where real transformation can take place. It’s where real discipleship occurs, where people are truly healed and where people can experience the deepest depths of grace.

In short, it’s the kingdom of God.

Here, now.

For the last month  now I’ve participated in Lisa-Jo Baker’s “Five-Minute Friday”. The concept is simply writing for 5 minutes, straight from the heart, on a given subject – and then sharing it.

No edits, no marinading or reflecting – just write and share.

If you’re a writer or blogger of any kind, I’d definitely recommend it – it really pushes you and helps you grow as a writer.

And today I’m doing it again. Today the theme is “Jump”, and I struggled with this for two reasons. First, I’ve recently written a post called ‘Why we all Need to Jump‘ and second, I was initially feeling too tired to write.

However, I managed to write this on my i-phone on the way home:

Right now, as I write, I don’t feel like jumping. The energy in my body at this moment makes me feel like simply giving up.

I feel like I am jumping too much, diving headlong into commitments and risks without a second glance, I don’t stop to look before I leap.

Now looking before you leap can be a bad decision occasionally. It fills us with fear and we take a step back. But at others it can be wise.

Because jumping into too many commitments at once just isn’t healthy.

Why? Because jumping takes energy. To propel ourselves into the unknown means we require strength. And if we are jumping into too many commitments, we will end up drained and confused.

We’ll fall flat on our faces.

Jumping is an important thing to do. To step out and risk is how we grow. But do too much and we won’t grow,

we will simply burn out.

We’ll have no energy to fly as were born to.

And we will simply crash and burn.

So keep jumping. Keep stepping out and taking risk to grow. Keep throwing yourself off the parapet. But he wise about what you jump into, and how much you jump into. It’s not only jumping which matters.

But the right jump.

So choose quality jumping. Not quantity jumping.

This post is part of ’5 Minute Friday’ – today, on the theme “Jump”.

Find out more here!

Did you enjoy this post? Why not share it on Twitter? 

You can get your FREE e-book & MP3 downloads here or by clicking the picture below.

On Monday I was at Union Chapel in London, to hear Rob Bell (left) talk about his new book “What we talk about when we talk about God” (which, by the way, is awesome), and do a question and answer session.

As ever, Bell was top class, proving himself again as an exceptional speaker and communicator, and his message really resonated with me.

But one other element struck me whilst listening to him speak.

The energy he had sharing his message. The infectious enthusiasm for the topic. The heart behind his talk. As he drew towards the end, he was moved almost to tears sharing his heart with us.

The water welling up in his eyes crystallised just how much he cared about his message. How what he was sharing was not simply a speech prepared for an audience, as much as it was an outpouring of his heart.

You got the impression this was man who has no care about people’s opinions, about how many books he sells, or any selfish ambition at all. This is someone who cared about important issues which matter, had insights into them, and simply wanted to share his heart and his gift with the world.

Watching him, you could see the message was alive within him, as his body moved around the stage, the message like rocket fuel setting his body and soul alight.

It was compelling. And I knew watching, that if no one had listened, he would still have shared it. If no one bought his book, he would still write another. Just to stay true to his heart. (you can tweet that here)

And as I began to see this, I felt an inner joy. I felt a surge of enthusiasm about my craft. Like a jolt of electricity through my body, my heart pumping a little faster, my soul convulsing with inspiration. Then a moment of clarity.

Writing is something I get to do.

It’s a gift, God’s special present to me. I have messages I want to be heard,

and just to share them is an honour.

And because it’s an honour, I have a responsibility to do it well. To write the best material I can, presented as professionally as possible. Because I care about the message, and I want others to hear it. So I won’t do it half heartedly, like an amateur does. But as a professional (man, has God really held me to making “professional” one word for this year!)

I will write the books. I will update my blog. I will submit guest posts. All to the best of my ability.

And above all, I will share what’s on my heart. I will pour myself into this.

If people don’t like it, if people disagree, if it’s not popular, so what? What’s important is the message being shared. And being true to what’s pumping out of my heart and not worrying about the outcome.

Bell also reminded me how much I want to write books and to speak about them publicly. The whole idea scares me in many ways, but it also excites me – because I just love talking about what’s on my heart, what really matters.

To write and to share my heart. To write books and then go speak to people about those books. What a joyful experience it would be.

Above all however, I want to pursue my craft. I want to become a better writer, to love the art and craft of writing, the very act of creating and sharing, more than the outcome, and to be so engrossed in the message, and bearing my heart and soul, that the outcome no longer matters.

Rob Bell so clearly does this, and it’s an incredible thing to witness. It was a privilege to be at Union Chapel to hear him speak.

May we all be as true to ourselves and our craft.

By the way, if you’ve not read Rob Bell’s new book I’d highly recommend it. He talks more about in this short video: 

I have a confession to make. I am screwed up. I have bad habits which I’m ashamed of. I’ve made mistakes and still do. I can get annoyed at little things. I’ve been in a broken home and lost a parent young. I’ve seen alcoholism at first hand. I lack confidence and occasionally self-esteem. I can be lazy, make excuses and procrastinate.

In other words, I’m a mess.

I don’t have it all together.

My life isn’t perfect.

I don’t have all the answers.

However, I get encouragement from others about the kind of person they see. A wise, intelligent, insightful person with compassion. A man who would make a great husband and father. A respected member of a church. A great writer.

And all these compliments might well be true.

But even if they are, it doesn’t mean I have it all together.It just means God manages to get the best out of me at times and use this to help others.

God allows me to demonstrate and live out the best of myself publicly very well.

But I’m good at hiding my brokenness.

You see, the more broken you are, and the longer the brokenness goes on, the better you get at hiding it. You learn what to disclose and what not to disclose.

Part of what people see might be an act.

But you’re not telling me the interactions I have with friends – both online and face to face – are me acting. You can’t convince me the writing I share which impacts people is fake.

No, this is the best of me.

This is me living in complete harmony with who I was created to be.

The Secret we all Keep

The act is separate. The act is when you touch on the insecurities, the fears, the doubts, and people either act like they don’t exist – or they brush over them. Fake a smile. Pretend it’s all okay.

I’m afraid. Afraid one day people will see the truth and suddenly no one will read my writing. No one will encourage me in my gift. And all my friends will turn on me and dump me like the dog poo you wipe from your shoe.

However, I suspect I’m not the only one who feels like this. In fact, I would go so far as to the majority of people feel this way, deep down.

But we all keep it a secret, because we’re all afraid of losing the good we have.

The self everyone sees is true in one sense. It’s a part of who we are. It’s us at our best. It’s not necessarily a lie

It’s just not the entire truth.

This is why it’s so difficult to receive grace. Because receiving grace means allowing someone into the darkness. It means letting someone see the mess of who we really are, trusting we won’t be rejected.

The relationships of any kind which really mean something, the ones which last are the ones where both sides acknowledge the darkness…

…and love each other anyway. (you can tweet that here)

I know God feels this way about me. He sees my crap. He sees the me I hide from everyone. He knows my dark side even more than I do.

But says it’s okay. And tells me my life is full of purpose, value and meaning…

…no matter how together I am.

And incredibly, despite having all this darkness in my life, God still blesses people through my writing. He still uses me in church. And I still am able to be a good friend, good brother and good son. Sometimes, anyway.

Inside I am so broken. But God somehow brings meaning and purpose through it. And incredibly, I am still able to bring meaning and purpose to others’ lives.

And I can’t be the only one. In fact, I know I’m not.

Because the people who bring meaning and purpose to me are broken too.

All of us are. But God uses us anyway. He performs miracles through our mess.

So today, say the words to yourself…and to God:

“I’m messed up. And it’s okay”

And know you are blessed…and a blessing.