When you create, a truth about you is always revealed – whether you intend it to or not. As I’ll talk about in more depth in a future post, you can’t hide the truth about yourself when you create, for good or ill.
For a while now I have been working on a book on grace. It’s a subject close to my heart, and one which needs more said about it.
But in the last 8 months in particular I have discovered in even more harsh reality of the theory I had talked about.
It’s strange. Writing about grace opened my eyes in some way to the grace which was taking place in my own life,
You see grace isn’t a good feeling we get when things go well. It’s not a simple peaceful feeling or emotion.
Grace is violent. If we let it, it tears us open and exposes the truth of who we are – the good we don’t want to believe, and the bad we choose to ignore. And if we allow it, it helps us work through these issues.
This is painful, and difficult.
I prayed last year that I would be more open to grace in my life. And God then proceeded to expose firstly how valuable and precious I really was – the good I didn’t want to believe – and then confronted me with the negative things I had chosen to ignore.
Poor money management.
Anxiety & mild depression.
This was all painful to see. Even the truth of my infinite value and worth just as I am was painful – even more in light of the dark truths I saw alongside it.
The truth I was loved as I was, even with those dark truths, was painful and difficult to comprehend.
But I allowed myself to experience this pain, and slowly but surely I have taken action in the different areas of my life which need work. Therapy, dietary changes and accountability, tough choices about my habits, and sitting and planning out my budget and organising my finances.
Finally, I am trying to make a daily choice to believe the radical truth, the most difficult truth of all – that I am loved and accepted just as I am.
I am making progress. I am moving forward in all areas. I am not saying I get it right all the time or suddenly my life is amazing, or all is well. I still believe lies at times, and I can still slip into bad habits. I am still broken and messed up.
But I have made a step forward. And I see where I was and where I am and am grateful for even the smallest progress.
I now have this deep joy. This sense of being given this most incredible gift.
Of being loved in my imperfections.
I have come through the painful part of grace, the violence of grace, the crucifixion of grace…and now I am coming into my resurrection.
I am still in process. I will never be fully “there”. But I am taking small steps forward, and for that I am grateful.
Grace is a gift. And we need the messy and violent parts of it in order to appreciate the joy, the gift of grace, and share that with others. (you can tweet that)
That’s what I want you to know today.
We all need grace. More than we know. And if we are willing to risk going through Friday, through the painful edge of grace, we will know a joy we have never experienced, and realise just what a gift we have.
And our lives will be slowly, but radically transformed.
Are you with me?
Question For Reflection:
How willing are you to confront your own truth – and experience grace?
Let me know in the comments below!
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(Picture Sources: Online Source / James Prescott)
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