(Picture: Linus Bohman – Creative Commons)
Recently I had what I like to call an ‘attack of the insecurities’. I was already frustrated at the slowness of my phone, and then I read something online. And for no particular reason, something inside me broke. Like the moment when you’re no longer strong enough to resist water pressure in a burst pipe.
Suddenly, I could physically feel adrenaline flowing through me. Energy I had not possessed a moment before was coursing through my veins. Through my entire body. In an instant, my body was possessed by a seemingly limitless amount of energy.
But my mind was somehow possessed too. All my insecurities, fears, doubts and little unaired grievances were amplified out of proportion. They were alive like never before, growing out of control.
And all this time, I was silent. Nothing externally gave away my inner turmoil.
So I poured out my heart. I responded to this online with an outpouring of emotion. I didn’t have time to stop and think about what I was saying, as it was pouring out of me like water from a bottle. My hand was typing faster than I could think. My soul was doing the writing.
And when I finished, I sighed. It was like i had poured my entire soul into this comment and finally it was done. At last I had simply borne my soul and not worried about the consequences.
I had felt out of control. Like my life was being dictated to me by some terrible God out to taunt and tease me. And the only power I had was to just give in and let life happen to me.
I was convinced I had no choice but to give in to the torrent of emotion. To believe the lies it was telling me and act on them.
It is true, what came out was a part of me. It was real.
But it was out of control. In fact, it was controlling me, on a very subconscious level. So unseen by me I had thought it out of my control.
However, then a wise friend responded. They told me the only person who thought this way about me was
The person who was telling me all these lies, and letting me believe them was
Now of course, I’m sure the devil had a big hand in this too. But as I read my friends comment back and pondered on it, I knew how true this was.
The only reason I believed this lie was because I thought it was out of my control. Because subconsciously I thought this lie was true and my future was decided without any input or control from me.
But God has never said anything like this to me. I’ve heard from God in prayer, I’ve had words from God through others, I’ve read the Bible a lot.
Not once does it ever say any of the phrases about me I was repeating to myself.
It was me who’d come up with these lines. Influenced, yes, by my past and messages fed to me by others. But ultimately, I was dictating to myself who I was and what message was true. And it was defining me.
As I reflected on this, it finally began to dawn on me – I do have great power over my life. I have the freedom to make my own decisions. I can choose the voices I listen to. I can choose what I believe about myself. I can choose how to live my life. (you can tweet that here)
Yes, life must be lived in relationship with God – with His guidance, wisdom and protection, according to His will and to fulfill His purposes – but God doesn’t make our decisions for us. If He did, He’s simply be a dictator God and we’d all be robots.
No, God gives us free will.
He gives us power to choose who we are and who we become. He gives us responsibility to choose our own stories.
And we have to seize this power.
Claim it. Own it. And walk through life empowered and free, to become the people God created us to be.
Are you with me?
Do you let your insecurities dictate your life?
Do you realise just how much power you have over your life?
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