The eagle-eyed of you may have noticed a distinct lack of new material here in the last month or so. I decided to take a bit of what is commonly called a ‘sabbatical’ from posting new material here (though some guest posts have appeared elsewhere).
I’d love to give you all nice Christian jargon to explain this, like I ‘felt God leading me to’ or ‘it was a time/season of resting’ (come on, you’ve all heard this language before).
But that’s not really me, I’d rather just be myself and be honest. So here’s the deal.
I lost all motivation and energy for posting, and realised my motives were getting distorted.
Writing – more specifically posting – was getting me down. It had become a burden.
I posted out of fear of failure and anonymity, to be popular and successful. This fear had also subtly impacted my writing itself, in subtle ways. I had begun writing for everyone else.
What I felt I should write, what would be popular.
Writing and posting had become an idol.
It took me a while to realise. I was so consumed with it all, I was blind to it for a long time. But once I understood the truth, there was only one thing to do.
Take a break. Stop.
So that’s what I did.
I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it. I didn’t announce it on my blog with a big fanfare. I didn’t tweet it or message anyone on Facebook about it. I told no one. I asked no one’s opinion.
I just did it.
At first I even stopped writing. But after a week or two I slowly began again.
But I wasn’t writing for a blog anymore, I was simply
writing for myself.
I needed to rediscover what that felt like, to rediscover my heart.
In hindsight, I needed to rediscover myself.
It worked. In time I was reawakened to the joy, the fun, of writing – and at the same time, found a lot more focus for it. Things began to fall into place, a direction began to become clear.
I also found I had more time to interact with people – on social media and face-to-face. It was a fruitful time for relationships with both friends and family. I even began discovering new friends and began to interact with people further on their writing journey.
I found I was reading more. Having more fun. Resting my body and my mind.
I didn’t feel a burden or obligation on my shoulders anymore, or I had to answer to anyone. I could just be me and it be okay.
In many ways, I rediscovered and received grace.
Six weeks on, I feel more myself. My writing feels more authentic. When I write I’m writing as me, not pretending to be anyone else or trying to be what I supposedly should be.
I’m not writing to prove myself anymore. I’m writing and creating because it’s who I am, because it’s something I love
and what is coming out is more true to my heart.
If people are offended or don’t like it – it doesn’t matter. I didn’t write it for them.
I’ve realised that the only way to be truly yourself is to let go. To surrender.
To be willing to give it all up, even the things that mean the most.
It’s the only way to be fully alive. For all of us.
The beginning of self-discovery, is, in fact, letting go of it all. (Tweet that here)
Are you ready to let go?
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- Poema 017 | Putting Ego In The Back Seat - May 3, 2017