In recent weeks life has been difficult. This very weekend I had an experience which brought me to the end of myself. Issues with finances, work, health and relationships. I was sitting at home, but I wasn’t feeling depressed. It had gone beyond this.
I was just not bothered.
I mean this not in a lazy way at all. Nor in a negative, suicidal sense. But more like indifference. To life. Pressures with money, with bad habits, diet, work, career. Tough choices, pressurised situations. And I felt indifferent.
Maybe not too much of a surprise. Many struggle with this.
But what made me sit up and notice, was how little I cared about the things I am most passionate about. And it opened my eyes to a truths. Truths I already knew of in theory, but had never experienced in such a personal way.
It revealed the lies about where I – and many of us – put our security. And the amazing blessing of having it grounded where it should be.
The strange thing about this indifference I experienced, was it happened at moment where I have never felt with such purpose and clarity the journey God has mapped out for me. I have a book to come out next year, and a few books after it, as some other projects, all mapped out. I see the progression of my work and my calling with clear eyes.
Even in the moments I’m down, this should be enough to keep me going. What we are called to and passionate about should be enough in those moments.
It wasn’t it in this case. And the strange thing is I was sitting at home knowing this truth about my purpose and calling, but still feeling indifferent. It was a weird feeling.
I sat there, and reflected. And suddenly had this deep peace. And I realised this was because this indifference, this mild depression, had actually revealed something about where my identity and security was shifting to.
It opened my eyes to a some truths.
The Secret Truths
For a long time I’ve said to many people, over and again, our identity cannot be in what we do, it has to be in who we are. In the truth God speaks about us. In our inherent value and worth just as us. It’s taken a long time for me to get there. I wasn’t sure I was there to be honest.
But in this moment, I understood the reality of two truths.
1) Who we are has to be more important than what we do.
2) When we reach the end of ourselves, we discover where our security lies – and where it should be.
First, I saw the lie of how we all make these different parts of our lives gods, and the complete folly of this idea. In the past I’ve put my security in my blog stats, in my steady paycheck, in my relationships. And recently I’ve found all of these have let me down.
But here I was, and I was still me.
I still had my value. My heart. My value. And my calling. I didn’t have to be defined by my gifts, status, wealth or relationships. I was still me, and I was still valuable. Still precious. Still loved.
So as a result I then discovered where my security had lay in the past. How in some ways I still fell into the traps of work, career, status and wealth. And encouragingly, it showed me my security and identity, was slowly shifting away from those material idols, into the essential truth of my inherent value and worth.
I saw at the end of everything, God is still there.
Grace is still abundant when everything else runs out. (you can tweet that)
I am loved, and valuable, and secure because I exist. Because I am alive. God’s love and security for me is unconditional, is above all my circumstances and everything I do. This is what really matters. This is what counts. This is what defines me.
And it’s true for all of us. You are valuable, precious and secure right now. Wherever you are.
Fact is, everything else ultimately fades away. Solomon realised at the end of his days, after a life where he had possessed everything materially and enjoyed success career wise, that it was all meaningless. Hot air. Vapour. Compared to being in relationship with God, and finding ourselves in Him.
Having our security and identity not in what we do, but who we are.
Loved. Accepted. Forgiven. As we are. Where we are. Today.
So grab hold of these truths today, and freely embrace the life you were created for.
Are you with me?
Question for Reflection:
What would you find about where your security lies, if you reached the end of yourself?
Let me know in the comments below!
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(Picture Source: WordPress)
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