The Secrets You Find At The End Of Yourself
In recent weeks life has been difficult. This very weekend I had an experience which brought me to the end of myself. Issues with finances, work, health and relationships. I was sitting at home, but I wasn’t feeling depressed. It had gone beyond this.
I was just not bothered.
I mean this not in a lazy way at all. Nor in a negative, suicidal sense. But more like indifference. To life. Pressures with money, with bad habits, diet, work, career. Tough choices, pressurised situations. And I felt indifferent.
Maybe not too much of a surprise. Many struggle with this.
But what made me sit up and notice, was how little I cared about the things I am most passionate about. And it opened my eyes to a truths. Truths I already knew of in theory, but had never experienced in such a personal way.
It revealed the lies about where I – and many of us – put our security. And the amazing blessing of having it grounded where it should be.
The strange thing about this indifference I experienced, was it happened at moment where I have never felt with such purpose and clarity the journey God has mapped out for me. I have a book to come out next year, and a few books after it, as some other projects, all mapped out. I see the progression of my work and my calling with clear eyes.
Even in the moments I’m down, this should be enough to keep me going. What we are called to and passionate about should be enough in those moments.
Shouldn’t it?
It wasn’t it in this case. And the strange thing is I was sitting at home knowing this truth about my purpose and calling, but still feeling indifferent. It was a weird feeling.
I sat there, and reflected. And suddenly had this deep peace. And I realised this was because this indifference, this mild depression, had actually revealed something about where my identity and security was shifting to.
It opened my eyes to a some truths.
The Secret Truths
For a long time I’ve said to many people, over and again, our identity cannot be in what we do, it has to be in who we are. In the truth God speaks about us. In our inherent value and worth just as us. It’s taken a long time for me to get there. I wasn’t sure I was there to be honest.
But in this moment, I understood the reality of two truths.
1) Who we are has to be more important than what we do.
2) When we reach the end of ourselves, we discover where our security lies – and where it should be.
First, I saw the lie of how we all make these different parts of our lives gods, and the complete folly of this idea. In the past I’ve put my security in my blog stats, in my steady paycheck, in my relationships. And recently I’ve found all of these have let me down.
But here I was, and I was still me.
I still had my value. My heart. My value. And my calling. I didn’t have to be defined by my gifts, status, wealth or relationships. I was still me, and I was still valuable. Still precious. Still loved.
So as a result I then discovered where my security had lay in the past. How in some ways I still fell into the traps of work, career, status and wealth. And encouragingly, it showed me my security and identity, was slowly shifting away from those material idols, into the essential truth of my inherent value and worth.
I saw at the end of everything, God is still there.
Grace is still abundant when everything else runs out. (you can tweet that)
I am loved, and valuable, and secure because I exist. Because I am alive. God’s love and security for me is unconditional, is above all my circumstances and everything I do. This is what really matters. This is what counts. This is what defines me.
And it’s true for all of us. You are valuable, precious and secure right now. Wherever you are.
Fact is, everything else ultimately fades away. Solomon realised at the end of his days, after a life where he had possessed everything materially and enjoyed success career wise, that it was all meaningless. Hot air. Vapour. Compared to being in relationship with God, and finding ourselves in Him.
Having our security and identity not in what we do, but who we are.
Loved. Accepted. Forgiven. As we are. Where we are. Today.
So grab hold of these truths today, and freely embrace the life you were created for.
Are you with me?
Question for Reflection:
What would you find about where your security lies, if you reached the end of yourself?
Let me know in the comments below!
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Grace is certainly a well-flowing fountain from which to drink. I was taught – Always be yourself for you can only cover the facade for a short length of time before it cracks. Solid post, James.
Thanks Bob, your comments are always so encouraging and packed with wisdom – thanks so much.
James, My last two weeks have been in a valley much like the one you describe. You words give me comfort and I know that God is with me. Thank you for your honesty and words of wisdom.
Lisa, sorry to hear you’ve had to struggle – so glad my post was able to comfort and encourage you. Appreciate your comment.
Is it depression or peace?
I think for sure there is an element of depression, and I don’t deny that. I very nearly mentioned it. But I do think God took me from that moment of depression and brought me into peace. Certainly though, depression is an issue i am facing and I’m aware of it. Thanks Scott.
A good post. James.
Thanks Onisha, appreciate it. 🙂
Very interesting…. Been in that indifferent space. Sometimes I just need a few really great night’s sleep in a row, and to eat super healthy, and amazingly things tend to turn around a bit. It could be just because time has passed, but I tend to think we exacerbate our issues with lack of effective sleep and healthy eating. Just a thought.
Oh I agree healthy diet and lots of sleep definitely helps – I do have a problem really sleeping, touch of insomnia and my diet isn’t always perfect. Things to work on there, and they will help I’m sure. Wise words!
Oh, James, So glad you came to the realization that what truly matters is who we are, not what we do. I have been where you found yourself for almost two years…family, financial, and health issues so overwhelming that any one else would have caved in. I did not, because God and His grace was inside sending me signs of love and support through the worst. Still, in a place worse than ever, but still saturated in His love. You are a good man, James. Just look into your heart. That’s where God is, not just up in the sky.
Wow, amazing comment Katina, thanks so much!! Thanks for sharing your story too, appreciate it. And totally agree with you.
“Loved. Accepted. Forgiven.” What else do we need? My problem is that I forget that and try to find my happiness and security in other places. I love the way you think, James!
Yep, we all forget that at times Tamie, don’t worry! Thanks for the comment & encouragement Tamie 🙂
James, your post really resonated with me tonight. In fact, I have been feeling a similar feeling: indifference, and wondering why I couldn’t feel passionate about the things I usually feel passionate about. But you reminded me of a truth that seems so true for some of us: that we only get quiet enough to hear God when a bit of pain quiets us down. I know it’s true for me, so many times.
Thanks for being vulnerable, and sharing that with us. Blessings!
Sharilee, thanks for your comment & appreciate your kind encouragement. Really glad the post resonated with you. Have a blessed day 🙂
Hi, it sound so familiar. All of us mostly forget where we came from and put out values to blogs, work, relationship, stats etc. But we raised up with the message that we need to do many things to be accepted in our communities. So mostly ppl ask when meet someone new – what you do for a living, have you graduated, are you married, have you got children…WHAT FOR IS ALL OF IT IMPORTANT???? What would be different if I would not get merried? I worked now I am stay at home mom. And yes, sometimes I feel bad about it because it seems all ppl work except me. Am I less me? NO. Mild deppresion. I’ve been there for so many times and used to feel guilty like I choose to get deppresed. Now I can say it without be scared of stigma. Deppresion is not who I am so if I get deppresed there is a reason for it. Deppresion is AWFULL but also remind us that we dont live the thruth and it’s great way to force us to look deep into ourselves and start change.
Rahela