Have you ever thought “If I Tweet/say/share what I really think, I’ll be exposed & everyone will lose respect for me”?
There can be so much pain buried deep within our souls.
One night recently I was interacting with some friends. And I began to get the impression they all knew something I didn’t. All had access to a resource I didn’t. I’d requested it too, but didn’t have it.
It wasn’t a big deal. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem. But it snared one of my deepest insecurities.
The fear of being excluded. Left behind.
I’ve never been part of the ‘in’ crowd anywhere. At school this meant being left out, always last to be picked.
And in this moment, it felt like God was leaving me last to be picked.
But not in some special ‘last is first’ type way. More like ‘last is last’.
I was low. The night very dark. All I wanted to do was let out my frustration, to scream out to find someone who would listen.
I didn’t care about manners. I was hurt and wanted answers.
In the event, I didn’t. Instead, I sent a Tweet saying things were difficult and I needed prayer. And it helped. People responded supportively.
However, I wasn’t polite with God. I had a good rant at Him, and didn’t hold anything back. I needed to get my pain out.
And it helped.
Looking back at how I felt that evening, it is totally irrational, childish and non-sensical. It seems totally ridiculous in the calm, rational, light of day. My mature, adult self knows it’s all a bunch of lies.
But those insecurities were real. They were part of me. I didn’t make them up. The fear I felt wasn’t fake. It was tangible.
And it had to be acknowledged.
But my healing was made easier once I once I remembered the untold secret about insecurities. One many people know – but no one ever dares speak outloud.
We all have insecurities.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
There isn’t one person on earth who doesn’t. Some are just better at giving the impression to others (and often to themselves) they don’t. We often look at everyone else who we think ‘has it all together’, then look at ourselves. The self no one else sees. And we wonder why anyone bothers.
Recently I posted on Facebook about my insecurities about writing. How I felt left behind everyone on the ‘Tribe Writers’ course.
What happened? I got endless responses saying everyone else had the exact same insecurities.
No one really has it all together.
All those people you admire? The people you consider most wise and great role models?
Yep, even them.
I found this difficult to accept at first. But once I did, my struggles suddenly became a lot easier.
Why? Because I realised if we all have insecurities, then we’re all in this together.
None of us are really alone.
There are seasons in life. Each of us has to face up to these inner hurts and insecurities. And when we aren’t, we might be helping others with theirs.
So when it’s time to face yours, there is nothing to be afraid of.
Tell those closest to you. Tweet a prayer request. Pray. Be honest with God, He can take it. Write down what you feel.
Just get it out.
Then, finally, learn how to receive love, grace and forgiveness – both from God, others and also yourself.
Life is a journey, and there are no quick fixes. We don’t suddenly have all our insecurities fixed. We learn over time how to overcome them. (you can tweet that here)
It’s a messy process of healing and restoration. Which begins when we remember the untold secret of insecurities.
We’re all in it together.