In my last post I wrote about mundane I deemed my own life to be. That wasn’t an emotional, depressed assessment. In a way it disturbed me more because it wasn’t. I’d gone beyond emotion, pity, despair, to just acceptance of how my life was, is, and would always be.
But I know I have this habit of airbrushing the good in my life. The good I do, the good I experience, the joy of life.I airbrush it out. I make it look invisible. I ignore it. I act like it’s not real. I’m an Enneagram 4, and it’s part of my make up to do this. I fail to see the good in my own life, whilst over-emphasising the good in others lives.
But in truth, my life is so much better than I made out in my previous blog.
Today I saw my dad, sister, nephew and niece. Four of the people I love the most in the world. There was a magic moment. My nephew saw me sitting on my dad’s sofa, and instinctively, came up, sat on the sofa, and cuddled up to his uncle.
That moment has no words adequate to describe it. The love I felt is unlike any other. The pure, raw, fear-less, unspoken but complete unconditional love of my nephew towards me, gets me emotional, it humbles me, and it reminds me how much less I love myself. And it reminds me how much more loveable, more worthy, I am than I even believe. My little nephew loves me, trusts me, feels safe with me, in a way that’s beyond words.
Being an uncle is something I get to do. One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given. The love I have for my niece and nephew has shown me the depths I am able to sacrificially and unconditionally love another human being.
This love has saved me in many ways. It’s given me hope. Light. Life.
It is divine.
My life is richer, fuller and more special because of it. And no amount of airbrushing can take erase that. Not one attempt by me to ignore this, or make it not exist, can work.
Because love wins. Every time.
Picture Source: Mourgefile
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