What Vicky Beeching Coming Out Teaches Us About Courage & Identity
A week ago the former worship leader & musician, now theologian, broadcaster and writer, Vicky Beeching, came out. It made news nationally, with interviews on all the main news networks on both TV and radio. It was front page news in national newspapers.
Vicky was the first person who coached me as a writer. For several months three or four years ago, we went through a series of hour long Skype sessions and e-mail conversations concerning writing, blogging and the direction of my own writing. It led to me setting up the self-hosted blog I have today. We’ve had several face to face, e-mail and social media conversations since.
She played a major part in my writing journey.
Her coming out was one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen. And it taught me some important lessons both about courage, and about discovering our identity.
The Courage Of Authentic Writing
The flashing line. He sits there, in front of me. Every time I stop typing, he’s there. Waiting for me to type another letter. This flash only stops when I give in to the demand for words. And only by turning off my computer, and indeed my phone and tablet, can I avoid it completely.
But sometimes we just sit. We wait. With a white screen in front of us, and just a line.
Flashing. Waiting. Teasing and taunting us.
Many of us don’t write because we think we have nothing to say. Or we think what we do have to say doesn’t matter, or won’t be good enough, or people will think is ridiculous.
But other times, in fact, more than we’d care to admit, we don’t write because we’re scared.
In fact, we’re terrified.
Why I Want To Be Rubbish At Impersonations
I didn’t have anything to write when I sat down to write the first draft of what became this post. I was sitting thinking of what I was going to get down on my word processor, and I almost began two or three times. But what kept coming up was the same old piece in a different format.
It happens so often now it’s almost not funny.
I don’t want to go round in circles in my development as a writer and growth as a person, that I keep coming back to the same ideas every few years, or even every few months. I recognise, as C. S. Lewis once said, ‘there’s no new ideas in literature”.
But at the same time there’s always a fresh way of communicating something which isn’t repeating yourself.
Isn’t there?
Why It’s The Screw Ups Who Change The World
For the longest time I’ve thought to do what I do as a writer, I had to have it all together. Or at the very least, give the impression of having it all together. ‘The only way people will respect me and follow my writing is if I at least appear to have my life sorted’, goes the argument.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Many of us are told from a young age that the people who ‘make it’, the people we should aspire to be, are the ones who have it all together.
You know who I mean. The ones who manage their life well, earn lots of money, can (and occasionally do) boast about their achievements, who manage their time, energy and money perfectly. The people who have so many strategies for every single area of life they have them coming out of their earholes.
We all know this type of person.
And we’ve all be seduced by this story – whatever path we choose to follow. I was for a long time. I looked at other writers and thought ‘If only I had my life together like them’ or ‘If only I had their character or integrity’.
But it’s a lie.
Why You Need a Rollercoaster Season
When you ride a roller-coaster, and your entire body is strapped in tight, you are completely safe. There’s no getting you out of that roller-coaster. You don’t need to hold on.
However, I don’t know about you, but when it comes over the brow of the highest point of the ride, my first inclination is to hold on tight. I don’t need to hold on, but I do.Because it makes me feel safe. Holding on tight somehow this gives me control over my safety.
But to get the most joy out of these rides, I need to let go. Wave my hands in the air as the ride descends from the highest heights. It’s totally counter-intuitive, but it’s the only way to fly. And when you do it, you feel alive.
Life is very similar. We think holding on tight to what we have is the way to keep moving forward. We feel safe. We feel more in control.
But the key to personal growth doesn’t come from holding on tight. It comes from letting go.
Surrender is what leads to growth
3 Ways to Eat & Give Better Words (Guest Post by Deanne Welsh)
Trees spend years pushing against the earth, making room for their expanding roots. The nutrients and water soaked up by the roots help the tree grow strong and tall. When we look at towering trees, it is easy to forget they began as a small seed.
Words begin small. They are formed in our minds and roll off our tongue into the air. Although they seem to disappear into nothing, words can either nourish or poison a soul.
“I’m proud of you.” My Dad finished reading my first eBook; his words envelope me and I feel myself standing straighter as my resolve to continue writing grows.
“Why did you do that?” I feel my soul shrivel when confronted with the questioning eyes and derisive words. It’s more of a statement than a question.
The Secret Truth About Success
Success. It’s a word many of us are familiar with. But a word which has the power to make us all feel worthless. There is a definition, a story, of what ‘success’ means in every area of life.
For me, there was a story about what success as a writer was. Selling lots of books. Getting tens of thousands of subscribers. Getting a book deal. Being an internationally renowned speaker and thought-leader.
I did courses which seduced me with promises of what I could achieve. Who I could be.
And more down to my own desperation for attention and status, I placed ridiculous expectations on these courses. I thought if I followed the exact steps others had, then I would get exactly the same result.
So, of course, when I didn’t, I felt a failure. I felt worthless, useless.
Life felt unfair. I wanted to give up.
And because of the way our culture defines success, and the reality that almost none of us ever quite fit this model, it’s easy to feel a failure. When the truth is somewhat different.
Reset Your Life: 4 Secrets to Discovering Your Identity
For many years I’ve dreamed of being a published author. Like many, dream for a long time was write and publish books, and speak about those books, as my full time job.
And when I wrote my two encouragement books, this dream seemed to come within touching distance.
But there was a problem. What I forgot before embarking on this journey was knowing why I was even doing it. I didn’t even know who I was.
So I was in trouble right from the start.
When I began this journey, it was just a hobby. It was fun. No responsibility, nothing at stake. No pressure. But as my journey went on, as I became more ‘professional’, the fun went out of it. I lost the joy. My heart changed.
It’s in that moment you need to have your heart and above all your identity grounded in the right place. If you don’t, then it all falls apart.
And it did.
Life Can Kill Us…But Sometimes We Must Laugh
Last year I was on holiday in Malta with two friends. We were on the bus home from one of our days out. It was an open top bus, and lovely weather, so we sat on top at the front.
Now, two days before, I’d got out the bus on another trip, and tripped over the curb, landing flat on my face. So we were, in light of this, having a chat about my clumsiness.
I was trying to argue this event was a one off, and I wasn’t clumsy. My friends insisted I was. It was all in jest of course, but nevertheless I was adamant I wasn’t clumsy. I was moving to the edge of my chair, making my point strongly and articulately. I was right in the middle of making my argument, when the bus ran over a huge bump in the road.
I fell forward, straight onto the floor of the bus, head into the lap of my friend.
And we all started laughing. Me possibly hardest of all.
Because if you can’t laugh, then you’ll never be able to deal with life. If you take life seriously all the time, you’ll be crushed.
What Goatees Teach Us About Failure
I had an epileptic fit last month, which left some cuts on my face, and stopped me shaving for a while. As a result, a goatee began to grow on my face. And because people like it, and the scar hasn’t fully healed yet, I’m yet to shave it off. It’s looking like becoming a…