Reset Your Life: 4 Secrets to Discovering Your Identity
For many years I’ve dreamed of being a published author. Like many, dream for a long time was write and publish books, and speak about those books, as my full time job.
And when I wrote my two encouragement books, this dream seemed to come within touching distance.
But there was a problem. What I forgot before embarking on this journey was knowing why I was even doing it. I didn’t even know who I was.
So I was in trouble right from the start.
When I began this journey, it was just a hobby. It was fun. No responsibility, nothing at stake. No pressure. But as my journey went on, as I became more ‘professional’, the fun went out of it. I lost the joy. My heart changed.
It’s in that moment you need to have your heart and above all your identity grounded in the right place. If you don’t, then it all falls apart.
And it did.
My genuine desire to create great work to help people grow, got lost in the language of tribes, platform building. As time went on my long-time insecurities tied into ambition, success and status were exposed and thrown into this mix.
And earlier this year, it dawned on me.
All this time, I’d been writing to impress.
I’d been trying to show off, to perform. I’d been writing to get heard. To be famous even. Even when I thought my heart was in the right place, I’d felt like a fake inside – for these very reasons.
And people could sense it, even if they didn’t know they could. All because my identity had been grounded in precisely the wrong place.
Once I understood this, there was only one thing to do.
Take a break. Stop blogging publicly. Step away from the public sphere. Go back to the beginning, get my heart right. For as long as it took.
So in February, that’s exactly what I did. I wrote a private blog to keep in the writing habit, and to get in touch with what was going on inside. But I didn’t share writing publicly.
I went back to basics. I read books on identity, calling and discovering your strengths. I discussed these issues with close friends, and prayed about it. And it all helped.
Writing a private blog has unlocked issues inside I didn’t even know existed. Reading these books, talking with friends, discovering my strengths, has been a revelation. It was liberating. No longer do I feel I have to prove myself to anyone, to impress, perform. I’ve realised success wasn’t the same for everyone, and I could define it for myself.
It’s About Life
I’ve made one other big discovery during this time away.
As the sabbatical has gone on, it’s dawned on me this isn’t just about my writing. It’s about my life. (you can tweet that)
God is taking me apart, stripping me down, and beginning again. Everywhere. It’s the end of one season and the transition into another, which is as yet undefined. In every area of my life, things have been changing. I’m moving jobs. I’m being confronted with a need for change in several areas, several issues, all at the same time.
I’ve been in a transition between seasons, and as this new chapter in my public writing begins today, with my first blog post for three months, I’m not sure where it’s going. I’m not sure what it will look like. And this is scary, but it’s also exciting.
As I reflect on this time, there’s four key lessons I’ve learned. Or four secrets to discovering your identity:
1) Accept that to go forward, you need to go back
If any of us wants to reach their full potential, we need to go back to the beginning, strip our lives down, and rediscover ourselves. Identity, gifts, strengths, weaknesses and purpose. So examine yourself, journal, write out your thoughts and feelings. Delve inside yourself. Read, learn about yourself.
If I hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have the confidence and focus I do now. No chance. To build a life of purpose, you have to begin at the foundations.
2) Our identity is bigger than our purpose, mission or achievements
This is absolutely fundamental to our growth. I didn’t get close to my potential, because my identity was tied to my achievements, my calling and my gifts. But my and your identity isn’t in any of these things.
Achievements, talents, purpose are all good. But with or without them, we already have infinite value and worth. And it’s there we must ground our identity.
3) Give this process as much time as it needs
We can’t rush this process. It has it’s own lifespan. And it’s important we allow space in our lives to experience it fully.
4) When you’re most afraid to begin again is a sign it’s time
I’m terrified of public blogging again. I know how much of a risk it is. I know I could fail. But it’s time to go back.
Because the real proof our identity no longer lies in our achievements is being willing to risk failure. (you can tweet that)
If we don’t enter into this process at any point into our lives, then our life will be full of confusion, false starts, and lack of focus. We won’t live the life we were made to, it will just be a shadow of what it could have been.
This process has changed me. I’m not desperate to be heard anymore. I’m no longer trying to prove myself or be clever. And stats are irrelevant to me now.
Instead, I’m writing from my heart. Trying to steward the gifts of both my writing and this blog, this community. And use my story and gifts to serve and bless you.
We’re all on a journey to discover our identity. Trying to find the unique story which was created for us to tell. And my hope is the lessons I’m learning from my own journey will help you on yours.
So I’m inviting you to join me as I explore these here.
Are you with me?
Some Questions To Consider:
Where is your identity grounded? In success, what you do or own, or just because you exist?
Do you know who you really are & what your calling/purpose is?
What would it/has it look like for you to go through the process I describe?
Share your answers in the comments below.
(Photo Credit: fatllama via Compfight cc)
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I understand where you are coming from. I did writing tips – for the wrong reasons. In a short length of time, due to lack of readers, I faltered and quit. Finally, when I realized the true reason for sharing the writing tips, I have again started them and have been doing them over a year now. I’m proud and happy. Sometimes you need to humble yourself to see where you are going.
That’s an awesome story Bob, really resonates with my own experience. It’s great to know I’m not alone in this experience. Thanks for sharing your story & being so honest. Appreciate it.
My friend DiVoran journals everyday and has for many, many years. It helps her to distill her thoughts and emotions down to their root level. I know it’s not proper to tout one’s blog on someone else but hers today could be interesting to you. I wish you much personal success as you continue on your journey.
Thanks so much Onisha, really appreciate your comment & your support, it means a lot.
This post rings loud and (beautifully) clear, James. I’m going to be holding on to this…
Wow, thanks Mike, that’s so encouraging. Thanks for your kind comments.
Totally agree, “tribe-building” is SO important, right? But not for some of us, not always. Since January I opted out of all the tribe leaders I’d followed and responded to The Lord’s call to put more attention into following Him, personally. Not necessary for everyone, but for me, I ‘d been too easily distracted from God’s specific intentions for me by paying attention to too many good leaders.
Sandy, you spoke my heart. This is exactly where I am, and I agree with you completely. So glad the post resonated with you, and totally with you in wanting to follow God above all. Thanks for sharing.
Wow James! Thank you so much for this post! It resonates with me deeply. I have been in a season of rediscovering my identity and finding my true worth. It has been both amazing and painful. I do feel like my life has been full of confusion, false starts and lack of focus. I’ve stopped blogging and writing because of it. I think it’s time to do some private blogging and journaling. Can you share what you used to blog privately? Thanks again for this post! So very insightful!
Hey Julie-Anne, thanks for your comment & your really kind words, appreciate it so much. I’m finding my experience is resonating with a lot of people, and it’s really encouraging to hear you’ve had a similar experience. In terms of what I used to blog privately, it was really whatever was on my mind that day, whatever came out. Sometimes it was ideas which could work on this blog, other times things from my personal life, and some just completely random!
The principle was really that I was writing, I was digging deep into myself and seeing what was inside, and that was really important, combined with the books I was reading. Eventually I got to a point where I naturally had something to share publicly again.
I really hope this season goes well for you and is a real blessing and source of growth. Keep writing, do your private blogging and journalling, and you’ll discover more about yourself. Let me know how it goes, would love to hear more of your story! Thanks again.
Hey Julie-Anne, thanks for your comment & your really kind words, appreciate it so much. I’m finding my experience is resonating with a lot of people, and it’s really encouraging to hear you’ve had a similar experience. In terms of what I used to blog privately, it was really whatever was on my mind that day, whatever came out. Sometimes it was ideas which could work on this blog, other times things from my personal life, and some just completely random!
The principle was really that I was writing, I was digging deep into myself and seeing what was inside, and that was really important, combined with the books I was reading. Eventually I got to a point where I naturally had something to share publicly again.
I really hope this season goes well for you and is a real blessing and source of growth. Keep writing, do your private blogging and journalling, and you’ll discover more about yourself. Let me know how it goes, would love to hear more of your story! Thanks again.
Hey Julie-Anne, thanks for your comment & your really kind words, appreciate it so much. I’m finding my experience is resonating with a lot of people, and it’s really encouraging to hear you’ve had a similar experience. In terms of what I used to blog privately, it was really whatever was on my mind that day, whatever came out. Sometimes it was ideas which could work on this blog, other times things from my personal life, and some just completely random!
The principle was really that I was writing, I was digging deep into myself and seeing what was inside, and that was really important, combined with the books I was reading. Eventually I got to a point where I naturally had something to share publicly again.
I really hope this season goes well for you and is a real blessing and source of growth. Keep writing, do your private blogging and journalling, and you’ll discover more about yourself. Let me know how it goes, would love to hear more of your story! Thanks again.
My identity, unfortunately is grounded in my alter-ego LJD… LOL… Great post tho!
Thanks Ms.Cheevious…it’s clear you have identity issues you’re working through…LOL! 🙂
It’s funny how we artistic writer types tend to be open to self-reflection and go through these periods of stepping back and reflection / reassessing, isn’t it? I find it vital to growth. Great post!
Yes, very funny Lisa Jey, I think it’s because of the gift we have of over-thinking, which allows us to analyse ourselves much more than others. I find it vital to growth too. Thanks for your encouragement!
This is such a deep and sincere post, and absolutely great encouragement. I appreciate your bravery and candor sharing this with us. Everyone has value outside their job, their hobbies, their family roles, etc, but not everyone discovers it. It’s a blessing when they do. I know my purpose, but I’m human and need to remind myself daily that it doesn’t matter what changes and what people think, my value is constant to God and my identity is in him. He’s put a lot of work into me.
Thanks for this post. I think it’s a wonderful way to get back into blogging. May you discover deeper depths and higher heights!
Thanks for this really kind comment Donelle, really appreciate it. So glad the post encouraged you and resonated with you. I’m looking forward to exploring these type of issues more in future weeks, thanks for the best wishes!
Thank you for laying yourself so bare. I have a feeling there are some good things just ahead for you.
Appreciate your encouragement Rebekah, that’s really great to hear. Thanks for your support.
Nice job, James. I agree that the most important measure of success is internal. If you let the world define what it takes to make you happy, you’ll never reach happiness.
Thanks Charles, wise words. Glad the post blessed you, and thanks for commenting.
Thank you, James, for this authentic and genuine post. It resonated strongly with me. I am currently sort of paralyzed about writing and also in exploring art, which I’ve felt drawn to for a while. I read post after post, but can’t write anything. I watch youtube video after youtube video of art and my easel sits dormant. Your post has truly caused me to ponder …. I thank you.
Mary Ann, thanks for your kind comments. Really glad the post resonated with you, and that it’s given you food for thought. Hope you manage to find the direction you are seeking.
James I love this post mate. Your changing your focus from you to others. That’s quite a transition friend. This is the line I love “And my hope is the lessons I’m learning from my own journey will help you on yours.”
Wow, thanks dude. To hear that is so encouraging, I really appreciate it. Will keep your advice in mind, thank you.
I’m so glad you wrote this! It relates to some things I’m struggling with right now. 🙂
Thanks Erika, so glad the post resonated with you and helped you. Really appreciate the encouragement!
Thank you for sharing your journey and being so open, James. I’ve had to come to that realization along the way too. It’s weird how when you get off course it really is like trying to fit a round peg in square hole. There’s no peace when we are focused or heading in the wrong direction. I like peace and knowing I am on the path the Lord wants me to be on.
Thanks for your kind words Eileen, I really appreciate your support and encouragement. I agree, it’s so good knowing the path God has for us, and walking it. Thanks again.
Writing is a relatively new experience for me, one which has been inextricably linked to personal struggles with identity and anxiety so I find your words encouraging and helpful. I’m always drawn to posts such as this and I appreciate the opportunity to learn from the experience and thoughts of others as I work out where my own writing adventure is taking me. Thanks for sharing.
Hi James. Excellent post. What books did you read that were most helpful to you during this discovery phase?
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So, I just came across this blog 3 years later and it is still speaking!! Congrats to you on that! and thank you. I’ve had a major life change. God has been prodding me to write for years. I did the blogging route and I personally thought it was great!! 🙂 Hence the problem, right?? But, I quit doing it. Then, I connected to my father’s family. A father I had never known. A family I had never known. My father died many years ago, but this family, my family, has been so gracious in helping me get to “know” my father. Through this journey I have a whole new perspective on who my true Father is as well, which in turn gave me perspective on why I exist! My identity. So now I write! Writing a book! Sharing what God is doing through this season of my life and praying it will bless others. But even if it doesn’t, God is certainly using it to bless me!
Hi James, this article has touched me in a way you cannot even imagine. At a time I am trying to answer serious questions about who I am. Thank you for writing this from the depth of your soul, and may God use it to bless many more people.
Thabang
Southern Africa