A week ago the former worship leader & musician, now theologian, broadcaster and writer, Vicky Beeching, came out. It made news nationally, with interviews on several major news networks on both TV and radio. It was front page news in national newspapers.
Vicky was the first person who coached me as a writer. For several months three or four years ago, we went through a series of hour long Skype sessions and e-mail conversations concerning writing, blogging and the direction of my own writing. It led to me setting up the self-hosted blog I have today. We’ve had several face to face, e-mail and social media conversations since.
She played a major part in my writing journey.
Her coming out was one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen. And it taught me some important lessons both about courage, and about discovering our identity.
I’ve been struggling a lot with calling, identity, and courage this year. Indeed, my ‘One Word’ for 2014 is courage. Right now I’m in the midst of a period of self-examination and prayer. I’m asking difficult questions about my identity, calling, and have felt God calling me out to make some decisions about my own path – career, writing, relationships, lots of things.
I’ve been battling myself for several months, and I’ve been taking steps to make progress.
But fully embracing my identity will require courage. It will require faith. And for me to trust in who God made me.
Which is precisely what Vicky did in great measure this week.
And it came through a decision to embrace a major part of her identity.
In one of the many interviews she’s done since she came out, Vicky said herself that our sexuality should never define our identity. And I agree completely. Defining ourselves by our sexuality, or anything outside of God’s view of us, is always a bad move.
Our identity should be grounded in Christ, and what God says about our inherent value and worth as we are. But at the same time, our sexuality is part of our identity. And when we feel pressurised or in fear of admitting a part of who we are, as Vicky admitted she was for years, then it’s difficult to embrace our identity fully.
That’s one of many reasons this was such a courageous act.
And why else was this courageous?
Well, much of Vicky’s income comes from song royalties which she already lost through announcing she was pro-equal marriage. Her announcement is likely to lead to more. Then there is the fear, which she outlined in her TV interview, that many of her Christian friends may now rethink their relationship with her.
And then of course there’s the inevitable online abuse, both in blog posts and social media, and the fear that in coming out there would be rejection by many she loved, and a part of her identity would almost be invalidated by this.
Some of these fears have proved founded. There’s been much vitriol and attack on Vicky’s decision on social media and in the blogosphere – some of which I’ve read, and which must have been painful to read.
Fortunately, some fears have been unfounded too. Vicky has said her parents were amazing about her coming out (she told them at Easter). And despite disagreeing with her theologically, they didn’t try to change her or deny the truth of who she was. Vicky made clear they said they loved her as she was, just the same. On top of this many, many people have spoken out publicly & online in support of Vicky, myself included.
But the most inspiring impact of this decision is the fruit of it. One of Vicky’s stated aims in coming out so publicly was that others would feel free to be honest about their sexuality, and she would be able to be a voice for those in the LGBT community, especially Christians, who felt they haven’t had anyone to speak for them.
And this has happened.
Many, many LGBT Christians have come out since Vicky’s announcement – and said they were directly inspired to do so by Vicky herself. And many from the LGBT community have felt able to share their story with her, and she in turn has been able to provide support.
The courage Vicky showed in being honest about part of her identity, has been rewarded.
Fruits Of Courage
One of the biggest fruits of Vicky’s courage though, has been in in herself. As Vicky said herself on Twitter the next day, the night after she came out she got the best nights sleep she has had in years, having been finally able to be honest about her sexuality, a key part of her identity.
Because when we own the full truth of who we are, and courageously embrace it, then we are free.
(you can tweet that)We are liberated.
And we are able to embrace fully what God has for us, walk without a limp along the journey we were made for.
I hope I can be as courageous and open about my true identity – both with others, God and myself – as Vicky has been in the last week. She’s an inspiration to me, and to us all, of courage, and of being honest about our true identity.
Are you willing to be courageous about who you really are? To confront the truth of yourself and embrace it?
Have you been afraid to, for any reason?
If you’re struggling to be courageous about a part of your identity – whether it’s your sexuality, your calling, your weaknesses, your gifts, or any part of your identity, then look at Vicky’s example (the interview is
here and the video of her first TV interview, where she shows great courage in the face criticism, is below).
I hope you’re inspired by her as I have been. I’m sure you will be.
None of us have to be alone in this journey. Even if we feel we have no one, there’s people we can call. If we’re lucky to have trusted friends, confide in them and ask them to support you. If not, or you are afraid to tell anyone, there’s some links to people to call confidentially below. If you’re in a good church, ask your pastor. Or you can e-mail me at james@jamesprescott.co.uk and I’ll help you any way I can.
We should all be free to embrace our identity fully. And not feel any fear in doing so.
Take that step today. You’re not alone.
Helpful Contacts:
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 – Open 24-7 free (UK only)
Here’s Vicky’s TV Interview About Coming Out:
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James, what a beautiful post about courage and identity. I pray I can have the courage to fully embrace my identity. I’ve spent the better part of my life living to please others so I am just now starting to discover who I really am. Vicky’s courage is so inspiring. And, although I’m still working through where I stand on the issue of homosexuality, I am open to learning more and I am always inspired by LGBT Christians. Thank you for being a positive voice for Vicky as well as for all of us!
Julie-Anne, thank you so much for your compliments and support – it means so much to me. Really glad the post spoke to you, and praying for you as you work through this issue for yourself.
Great post, James. I’m in awe of Vicky’s courage. I watched the video, and I wish they’d had time to talk more about what the bible says. I think a lot of Christians might rethink things if they took the time to learn the original Greek terms used and the cultural context of those terms in the few places where we think being gay is mentioned. We love the bible and we want to trust God about this. After some research, I was shocked to learn that the original writing doesn’t necessarily support the mainstream Christian view that homosexuality is a sin. I now believe that it’s completely possible that being gay isn’t a sin, and neither is acting on it. I realize how “crazy” that sounds to many conservative Christians. But I believe that most of us are willing to follow God, no matter what the cost. In this case, the cost might be doing our own research and allowing ourselves to throw out the old paradigm. Either way, God is big enough for all these questions, and I know He doesn’t condemn us for using our brains and simply asking if we could have been wrong about our interpretation of what He says. And if we were wrong (and I believe we were), we have a lot of fixing to do. Thanks for being brave enough to post about this controversial issue.
Hey Amanda, thanks for your support & encouragement. I’m with you on the theological issue – when you look at all the scriptures in their historical and cultural context, look at the themes of the books, the passages and the verses themselves, and the language, it’s all about cult worship, temple prostitution, sex as worship, and men having sex with boys. The Bible says nothing against faithful, monogamous, committed, same-sex relationships between two adults.
Sadly, many Christians ‘assume’ the traditional view is the only view and the right view and often without realising it speak this out and can sound arrogant, and unloving. There are some who have this view who are loving and gracious, and respectful, but many are not.
Unity is what I really want to see. We won’t ever all agree on this theology, so what we need to do is to respect that there is solid theological support for the each other’s opinions, not just for the traditional view (to be honest, I don’t think that is supported theologically but do believe people have the right to interpret scripture that way if they wish). And then agree to differ in love, allow room for LGBT people in our church community, to serve, to lead, to be a full part of our church communities and accepted and loved as they are.
Whatever theological position we hold, we are all sinners and God loves us we are, even in our sin. So even if someone thinks homosexuality is a sin, that is no excuse for disrespectful, judgemental behaviour such as we see from the Pastor in the video and elsewhere.
So let’s agree to differ in love and work together on the big issues that God cares about in the world, and build bridges with the LGBT community and show them God loves them as they are, and they are welcome and loved by Him.
Thanks for your comment again Amanda, and your support.
There is no scientific proof that people are born gay. I truly think that sexuality is a choice. In my earlier 20’s I made the choice to be with men instead of women. My body didn’t care who was touching me, it was the touch that mattered. For me the bible clearing states that sex between a male and a male or female and female is wrong. Jesus says not to judge for we should all look at our own sin and not someone else’s. I had an emotional affair with a man while married to my husband. I married a gay man and divorced him. My sins are enough for me. So I don’t judge anyone. I work at loving as much as I can. Although if you cut me off while driving, I can’t say how much love will be there for you. I became a Christian 4-5 years ago. I have many gay friends from college years. I didn’t want to have to loss them because of my Christianity, So I did a lot of soul searching and talking with God. God said for me not to worry about others sin.
Besides if a person accepts Jesus at the end of their live, God will forgive them.
Bottom line is sin is sin and we are human. Therefor we need God.
Devan, thanks for your comment, appreciate it. I do respectfully disagree about us being born gay – Vicky didn’t decide to be attracted to other women, just as I as a heterosexual male don’t decide to be attracted to women. Not really sure how you can prove anyone is born a particular sexual orientation anyway.
However Devan, I do agree we shouldn’t judge anyone, and work at loving people as much as we can. All of us, gay or straight, need God’s forgiveness. And I agree, it’s not for us to judge others sin.
As Billy Graham said, “It’s God’s job to judge, the Holy Spirit’s to convict, it’s my job to love”
That’s my point James, we can’t prove anyone is born straight or gay. Which then leads me to look at what else is there? The environment? Choice? For instance: I loved to suck my thumb since the day I was born. I loved it until I was 22 years old. It was something I did, I didn’t say okay I’m going to suck my thumb until I’m 22. How embarressing is this? Why did I do it? I needed it, it’s what I did to handle my stress. Something in my life happened in order for me to want this thumb sucking. It was part of who I was. So what makes people gay? If were not born with it, then it can be changed. by the way I stopped the thumb sucking. I didn’t decided that I would, it just happened and I stopped. This is only my opinion.
I don’t think we need to prove it. You don’t decide you’re attracted to someone or a gender – you just are. So we must be born that way, surely? Many have tried to ‘change’ their sexuality or have it changed and ended up suffering much as result. I don’t believe that’s a healthy thing to do.
I get the comparison, and I do get your point, just not sure I agree, that’s all. Hope we can agree to differ, you’re my friend and respect your opinion. 🙂
If is genetics should it be addressed in the womb?
Ermm… No. If it is genetic then it has to do with genes which are already present in us anyway.in our DNA I don’t know the status of current research. But it doesn’t have to be genetic – it could for instance be hormonal and people would still be born with it. Or chromosomal as Down’s Syndrome is.
I completely agree with you James. You do not choose your sexuality. I completely agree with James. However do we as Christians love blindly?
I have been following this as you know James but the response from people has been sad on both sides and worst of all it has now divided Christians. Her songs are no longer being used in some churches which seems plainly stupid, if she wrote a song to worship God with her sexuality is irrelevant.
Personally I think she has misled people by not coming out before trying to convince people of her theology is correct which we can now see is biased for what she personally wants out of it.
I wish her the best in whatever she does.
The only thing I will say here is that there are many LGBT Christians who are not on the pro-side of the debate, who choose celibacy for life. And I know Vicky would not adapt her theology merely to suit her – I think that’s a bit disrespectful to Vicky. I am confident if she truly believed LGBT relationships were not scriptural, she would choose celibacy happily.
She didn’t come out before because she was afraid, for the many reasons I outlined, and because of the potential backlash – as many LGBT people are, even more so LGBT Christians. Certain she had no intent to mislead anyone.
It’s also much better to come out this way in a way where she is in control and can use it to help many people – which it has – rather than it to somehow come out in the media at random.
Glad you can wish her well, despite your grievances. Thanks for commenting.
James I know you like Vicky but are you saying you know Vicky well enough to know what she is thinking?
You say ‘I know Vicky would not adapt her theology merely to suit her’
‘I am confident if she truly believed LGBT relationships were not scriptural, she would choose celibacy happily.’Certain she had no intent to mislead anyone.’
But you didn’t know she was gay and do you know if she has had a same sex relationships?
It doesn’t make much sense my friend unless you trust what she says blindy.
Marc, I got to know Vicky a little when we chatted over a relatively long period of time. I know she’s a person of integrity, and I trust her when she says she’s doing this to help others. And she takes her theology very seriously – she did a theology degree from Oxford and is now doing a pHD.
As a person of integrity I’m pretty sure she’d never adapt her theology to suit her sexuality. And of course I didn’t know she was gay – she only told her parents last Easter and only a handful of people knew before that.
I trust her like you trust someone you’ve got to know a little over a period of time, and seen their character. I know you are pretty cynical Marc, and you don’t agree with her theology, and you’re entitled to your opinion. I just don’t agree here.
James, I don’t know her like most people but (and please try to understand this view) what it looks like is someone who tried very hard to convince people that same sex marriage is supported by scripture, and then came out and then says she would like to get married, a same sex marriage which she spent a fair while trying to convince people that there was some theological basis…are you telling me that is just a coincidence or that her needs may have come into it just a bit?
I know others who have done PhD’s in theology. Look to your own Church, Many of your leaders across the world are highly qualified theologians but disagree with her interpretation and they are far more qualified than Vicky or You and I…where does that leave us?
Have a think about these questions:
Should you disagree with those who are writing your churches Theology in this respect?
If so, should you go to another church where you theological view is compatible?
What do you think?
Well you’ve just proved yourself to be the arrogant arse I always knew you were “Sheldon”. Top blog post James, sensitive. Loving, informed and gracious
Ahh…You praise James for tolerance and openness and then demonstrate you are not capable of either…how very odd!
I will never tolerate bigotry hidden behind sanctimony. I’m capable of both with those who deserve it.
And yet you still can’t show it. Shame.