How Not Writing Saved My Writing (& Changed My Life)
For the longest time, I felt my identity in life was in being a writer. My value, worth and security was all tied up in my writing. Success made me feel more valuable and failure made me feel as if I had failed as a person. Everything I was had been tied into how I performed, how much I achieved, how good I was.
Many people say writing every day is vital, and it improves you. So, as you do if you want to improve, I began writing every day.
It did help me improve as a writer. But it also gave fear a stranglehold over me. I became afraid to stop writing – because I thought if I stopped, I would fall behind my peers, and I wouldn’t get where I wanted to.
So I never stopped. I poured out energy every day writing. I burned myself out, and the quality of the work decreased as a result. And at the end of the day I felt a failure because it doesn’t do as well as I’d hoped, and it wasn’t my best work. I felt guilty going even one day without writing. My life had become controlled by writing.
That’s how easy and subtly these habits, roles or statuses can begin to control us.
And it comes from grounding our identity in the what we do, rather than who we are.
Which is why we need to reclaim the principle of sabbath.
Our human bodies are finite. They wear out. All of us get tired, we need oxygen, food and water to survive. And one other thing which our body needs is rest.
Rest almost seems anathema to our culture now. If I had a pound/dollar for every time I or someone else has said the word ‘busy’ in relation to our lives, especially with the word ‘too’ preceding it, I’d be quite wealthy. Rest, disconnection, has almost become counter-cultural. If we’re not busy, working, spending time with family, having an active social life, we almost feel guilty.
We’ve become a world of busy-holics.
And this is what happened with my writing. I got so busy and wrapped up in my writing, my motivation got way out of sync, I burned-out, and ultimately my writing itself suffered.
So I took a break from public writing, saying it would be for as long as necessary (it turned out to be three months). I wrote when I could, but only for me. No deadlines. No panic. No obligation. Just for myself.
And in this space, I realised I’d defined my identity in my writing, and in it’s success. Instead of defining myself by something bigger and deeper.
I also began to understand the importance of rest, and how this is tied in inexorably to our identity.
The simple fact is our bodies need to rest. If we don’t take a break once in a while, we will get worn down, burnt out. But if our identity is grounded in the wrong place, if our value and worth comes from what we do, we will much more prone to over-work, much less likely to take rest.
Which can ruin our life. Our relationships suffer. We’re more prone to illness.
And our work, our ability to serve others well with our gifts, this suffers too.
I worked almost obsessively, putting pressure on myself, because my identity, value and worth came from my writing, how well I did, how good it was, and how hard I worked at it. And when it didn’t deliver I felt a failure, burned out, and my work suffered.
To become the best version of ourselves, we mustn’t ground ourselves in what we do. But in who we are.
Sabbath & Identity
We all have infinite value and worth. We did the day we were born, when we had achieved nothing. Said nothing. Not even had a memory. And whatever happens in our lives, we will always have this same value. Everyone is precious.
Even you.
Personally, I believe this value comes from God & who scripture says I am. But whatever you believe, the fact remains:
you have infinite value and worth – not because of what you do
but because of who you are. (you can tweet that)
The principle of sabbath is, essentially, taking a break from work of any kind (not necessarily paid work), which you do every day and is a major part of your life – and not doing it for one day each week.
Laying this down for one day is an acknowledgement that what we do doesn’t define us. It recognises the truth, that we have value, worth and security simply because we exist.
Rest put our lives in perspective. And it allows us to enjoy life, to wind down and relax, without feeling guilty.
We need the principle of sabbath desperately in our world. Every single one of us.
Consumerism tells us it’s all about being busy, doing as much work as you can in order to make a success of your life, and that your value comes from what you do. But the way of sabbath says your value comes from who you already are.
So take a break. Whatever it is you do often and is a major part of your life – for me it’s writing. For you it might be social media, or lists, or leading, or organising or something else – take a break from it for one day a week, and don’t feel guilty.
Enjoy that day off, and rest your mind and body doing something different, without the worry of that thing you’ve laid down. Recognise your identity is in who you are, not in what you do.
Try it for one month, and see what happens.
I still have a regular writing habit. But one day a week I now lay it down, and don’t feel guilty. I only make an exception for private or journal-type writing, if something comes up. But otherwise that one day I don’t write.
It’s revolutionised my life. It’s freed me from guilt, and given me fresh focus & energy for writing. Because my identity no longer lies in writing and how well I do as a writer.
My identity is in who I am.
Are you with me?
Questions For Reflection:
What is it you do that maybe you need to lay down for one day each week?
Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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One thing that helped me was to scale back my goals and be intentional about my writing. Once I stopped pressuring myself to write at least 5K per day and celebrated writing at least 100 words (because I’d rarely stop at 100) my outlook improved. I was still sitting down to write, but if I got upset, I knew I was babystepping forward. I also set weekends as my days off to spend with my family because we tend to forget there’s a life behind us when we’re busy writing. IF I write on those days, it’s on the couch while my kids are watching a show or playing quietly. There’s no pressure for any number of words and I usually won’t even write on my current WIP on those days.
Thanks for commenting Sloan – a healthy balance is so important isn’t it, sounds like you have it nailed on completely. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thank you for this post. I started blogging a bit over a year ago and tried writing every day and was getting caught up in the chasing of stats and worn out by writing. Until I realized I was breaking sabbath. To stop on this day has been renewing and helps free me from becoming compulsive about this stuff.
Thanks for the encouragement Bob – really glad this post was a help to you. Sabbath really can be so liberating. Thanks again.
I don’t think it is consumerism that tells us this. I believe the creator wired us to want to please. The problem comes when we want to please our friends, parents, etc more than we want to please God.
I agree in part Onisha – we are wired to please in one sense. But I do think consumerism feeds us lies about what life is about, that we need to somehow get our value from what we do, that value and worth is somehow based on works. Even organised religion has bought into this lie to be honest. But I agree, we should want to please God more than anyone else – not to gain his approval (we already have his love and acceptance as we are), but because we love Him.
That is because we are looking around us instead of keeping one’s eyes where they belong. It is a choice we make. I read an interesting blog post today about religion. http://chrismartinwrites.com/2014/10/06/why-religion-doesnt-work/
I don’t want to have to look up to see God – I want to see more of God here, now, in the every day, in the people I meet, in the places I do. God is not, for me, up far away. He’s here and now, and we need to have our eyes open to see Him. It’s very difficult not to be influenced by consumerism, the world is governed by it essentially. And even the most Godly Christian can be subtly affected by it. What we need to do is go back to the beginning, ground our identity in Christ and who He says we are – loved, accepted, welcomed as we are, not when we have it all together and do the right things, not just when we please Him, but in the very midst of our brokenness and mess. To put our value, worth, and security in what God says about us, not in anything we’ve ever done or will do. Everyone has a ‘religion’ – even atheists are religious in their practices. God doesn’t want us for what we can do for Him. He just wants to be with us. Everything we do is just an offering, He doesn’t need what we do. Above all, He just wants us.
There is a lot of truth in your post today. For 13 yrs I have labored away my Novembers as a participant in NaNoWriMo doing 50k in 30 days. I have succeeded 12 times but at the expense of ignoring my life. 1667 words a day may not seem much, but it can be a lot if the flow is not there. I’ve learned, with last year, to step back, not only in November, but every month. Writing was my goal and I found myself plastered in front of the monitor trying to write, staring at the screen. I don’t play games but do tend to monopolize social media at times. Today I attempt to temper my computer (writing) time with other things around me like wife, family and life in general. We’ve been camping with the RV the last few weeks, enjoying nature and totally without any Internet. Next Monday, we again go into the wilderness for another week. I’ll take my laptop along but only so I can spend a little time writing on my latest novel I hope to publish yet this year… but I won’t slave over it — the campfire is too intoxicating.
Thanks so much for this comment Bob. Trust me, I get totally how 1667 words in a day can be a lot. Sometimes 20 words can be too much. Really glad the post resonated with you Bob, thanks again for sharing a piece of your story here, and I think it’s so great what you do going away and disconnecting – we all need more of that. Great comment, thanks.
Excellent advice. I’ve been accused of being a workaholic, myself. There’s always so much to do – job, family, fixing up the house, writing the next book. It’s important to remember that the body and mind both need rest occasionally.
Absolutely Scott, definitely good to remember to rest, we can so easily forget. Thanks for your encouragement & for commenting.
This is brilliant, James! I was in the same boat–blogging 5 days/week. I burned out. Now, I write when I feel as if I have something to say. Interestingly, the same principle applies in bodybuilding/exercise: take a day of rest for recovery. We need rest for, well, our whole being.
Thanks for the kind comment Chad, so glad this post was helpful to you. Thanks for sharing a piece of your story – and you’re absolutely spot on in your comment. Thanks for sharing.
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. John 15
Very true, thanks for sharing this Tara.
Another great post…I went through this a couple of years ago in my previous job, “But if our identity is grounded in the wrong place, if our value and worth comes from what we do, we will much more prone to over-work, much less likely to take rest.” completely burned out and lost my passion. In the last two years that’s been a huge part of my journey – enjoying rest and discovering my value and worth outside of what I do but from who I am. It takes courage to step back, reassess and move forward again but then you have so much more to offer those you influence and care about…like you’re doing with this blog!
Thanks for commenting Gretchen, and thanks for sharing your story so honestly. Really glad the post resonated with you, and thanks so much for your encouragement!
Thanks for this important word for writers, James. I just highlighted your post on the Christian Poets & Writers blog – http://christianpoetsandwriters.blogspot.com. God bless your good writing and good rest!
Thanks so much for sharing Mary, appreciate it so much. Very grateful.
These are all good points. I noticed, after a while of trying to “make it” as a writer that I was taking out my frustrations on my family. And this is the worst thing you can do. So I took a deep (mental) breath and relaxed. It doesn’t matter if I write slow or fast, as long as I’m writing. And you loved ones are only there to help.
Spot on Daniella, completely agree. Glad you liked the post.
As an Orthodox Jew, once a week from sunset Friday till starlight Saturday, we disconnect from the everyday. No computers, tvs, phones, writing, cooking etc. It’s a day to reconnect with our spirituality and the people around us. I find that the day always refreshes me, as if recharging my batteries. In addition, when I started blogging I purposely decided that I will not be posting daily since I was not interested in that kind of pressure. I try to post about 3 days a week. Sometimes I post more, sometimes less but I don’t stress over it. I’m fine with the fact that life happens, and don’t worry if I miss a day here or there writing.
Thanks so much for this comment Mirel. Fascinating to hear your insights, great to get the perspective of someone who practices sabbath as a discipline. Really helpful. Sabbath is a topic I’m very interested in and want to explore more, would love to hear some more insights from your perspective. Feel free to contact me at jamespressgang@hotmail.com – thanks so much again.
Thank you for this piece. I have been and continue to work through this exact situation. What an encouragement for a writer like me (who has three children at home) to also put things into their rightful place. I have taken some months off searching the Lord and what He wants. If I do a blog a month that’s fine. I haven’t sent out anything out to published for almost a year and I’m fine with that too. I loved this piece so much thank you.
Thanks for your comment & the encouragement Christine – really glad the post was helpful to you. And thanks again for your kind words, I really appreciate them.
Great article James! How true we forget about proper rest so we can recharge and start out strong for the next week. I heard it once said ” Seven full days will make one weak.” For me I realize I need to let go of the worries of work and getting things done for at least one day. Thanks again for sharing your heart! #Intentional Blogger Challenge
Sorry for the delayed response – but thanks for this encouraging comment Dustin, appreciate it!
It’s counterproductive to work all the time, and even worse to feel guilty over taking a well-earned break. Thanks for this.
Welcome Scott – so glad the post was helpful.
Is the value in what we write or how much we get paid for what we write? For a while I wrote for pure pleasure, my own. Then I started sharing with friends and people started asking if I was published yet–really asking if I was making any money. I spent loads of time sending my stuff out to agents as that was what we were told we should do. Rejection made me feel my value was zero. Then I got an agent. Okay, now I was worth something! No. We couldn’t sell the book. Zero again.
Finally I got a publisher and happy days. The publisher went bankrupt and gave me back my book. I quit writing for almost five years. Not really, I’d snatch secret writing time because it was an obsession but I wouldn’t share. Then my husband read an article about a writer publishing as an Indie through Amazon and encouraged me to check it out. I dug out my old manuscripts and revised them again. Published. A few royalties rolled in and I published more books. Am I no longer a zero? Well, I’m not rich but I get checks deposited every month.
Now I feel frightened if I don’t spend time marketing, frightened those checks will shrink or stop. Will that make me a zero? No. I’m positive I’m worthwhile. My career is what I make it and having been self-employed for over 40 years I know how to manage my own time. Taking a break is important but feeling worthwhile is even more important. Don’t be a zero to yourself.
I had a publisher once who works relentlessly and pushed her writers to do the same. Nothing felt so good as when she dropped me because I didn’t “promote” vigorously or often enough. What is sauce for the goose isn’t always sauce for the gander.
Absolutely Kenna!
I think all our witting is worth something whether anyone reads it or not, or whether we make money from it or not. Thanks for sharing this Diane – interesting insight!
I think taking breaks is totally okay. Sometimes our brains just need a rest.
Absolutely Elyse, totally agree.
James, I totally agree with the “busyness” of our lives and the pride many take in being “busy” – indeed, the word has often been attributed to me as a compliment and I don’t take it as such. As a self-employed entrepreneur and a senior, as well as a writer, I laid down my work for an entire two weeks this month and August and it’s wonderful. I agree our scriptures were very wise in giving us a Sabbath day.
Thanks for this comment Kenna – glad you agree.
James this is so important! Thanks for the reminder…I need to tell myself often to “take a break” for my own health but also to be more present for my family.