Why Big Dreams Require Small Expectations
I began my writing journey with huge dreams. I dreamt of having a big publishing contract, selling millions of books, being an international speaker and thought-leader. It was all daydream stuff, and I never really believed it. But it was nice to dream it.
Then when I found Tribe Writers, I saw finally a practical, realistic way of getting there. And the course was phenomenal – I still to this day recommend it to people (in fact, there’s a new class beginning soon – you can find out more & sign up here or below the post).
But the problem was, it caused me to set impossible expectations of myself.
I set my expectations at the big level of my dreams, and when I didn’t reach those immediately, I felt like a failure. I wanted to give up.
And through the process I learned one crucial lesson:
Dreams are different from expectations. And we need both.
Let me explain.
I’ve been working with a few coaches in recent months, and one thing all of them have encouraged me to do is dream big. To have a big goal. To define what would be a big moment for me, what would symbolise this big dream becoming real.
And I have set this in my mind. I know what this would be. And it’s not a daydream anymore. It’s actually different, better from my daydreams. It doesn’t seem so fantastical anymore.
Crucially, it’s not something I expect to happen immediately. It’s my big win. It’s the moment I know my big dream is becoming a reality
However, my expectations are completely different from my dream.
Because if we set expectations too high, we’re just not going to reach them – and we’ll be left feeling a failure. (you can tweet that)
Just like I did.
The Path To Healthy Expectations
What we need to do, is to be constantly reviewing our expectations. Set expectations for the next season of growth which are challenging but achievable and realistic. Then when we achieve them, sit down and set new ones.
This way, we will constantly be meeting our expectations. And as a result, we will grow in self-confidence. We will have more faith in our ability to fulfil our dreams. We will believe if we keep working, if we keep investing ourselves, keep working, keep taking steps and moving forward, those dreams will become more of a reality.
Because the path to accomplishing big dreams is lots of small, achievable, expectations.
So of course, the confidence we gain from achieving this challenging but achievable, realistic expectations, will be reflected in our work, in our choices.
And as a result, we’re far more likely to get closer to our big win, to our big dream.
Indeed, setting realistic expectations and constantly reviewing and updating them, will make it more likely that one day, we will find our expectations will begin to match our dreams.
So keep dreaming big. Never let go of your dreams.
But embrace the reality that to achieve those dreams, you need achievable, more immediate, realistic expectations, and to be constantly changing and raising them.
And one day, your dreams might actually come true.
Are you with me?
Question for Reflection:
Do you have big dreams…and are your expectations too big?
Let me know in the comments below!
Tribe Writers
Just before you go, I wanted to let you all know that the course which set me going on the path to building up this blog, and creating 3 e-books – including one in 24 hours – is opening up for a new class.
There’s some awesome resources on this course for all new bloggers, and everyone wanting to discover their voice, build a blog & create a platform to share their work. I’ll even be helping to show you how to create an e-book in just 24 hours.
If you’re interested at all, just go to this link. If you like it, sign up for the course – it’ll change your writing journey forever.
Just to let you know, it’s an affiliate link – but all this means is I get a few pennies from each sign up through this link, to help keep my blog keep running. But I paid to do this course myself, and I’d recommend it even if I wasn’t an affiliate.
Check out Tribe Writers today – you won’t regret it. Find out more here.
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One of my favorite lines – which was a joke in a funny movie, but held more depth than it’s given credit for – is “Baby steps to the elevator… baby steps to the elevator” from the movie “What About Bob”… It’s where Bill Murray’s character, who is vexed with all kinds of neuroses and fears, decides he can and should be able to take the elevator instead of the multiple flights of stairs, he is encouraged by the thought that he only has to take baby steps… ONE STEP AT A TIME. Great post!
Thanks so much Ms. Cheevious – glad you liked the post, and thanks for that metaphor, completely spot on, love it!
Great post James! I completely agree. Our goals have to be achievable. And it’s not necessarily about lowering our expectations as much as it is about setting smaller goals based on what it takes to get to the big dream. I like the way Dave Ramsey puts it. If we do small things over long periods of time we will be successful in our endeavors.
Thanks Nichole, so glad the post resonated with you. Totally agree with your comment, and love that quote from Dave Ramsey – great stuff, thanks.
Fantastic post with solid footing. I agree, there are dreams and there are expectations and one should not confuse them. I created expectations from dreams and soon realized the futility of such an action. Last year I had a dream of publishing 4 books this year with a reality check of getting at least 1 or 2 published. I accomplished my reality but not my dream. I will try again next year. Sure, I’m a little depressed but I still have my dream of doing four. Reach for the stars, if you only touch the moon, you’ve done better than most.
Wise words as ever Bob, really appreciate it. Glad the post resonated with you and great to hear your story.
Excellent points, James. Dream big, but temper your expectations with frequent reality checks. And stay hopeful.
Thanks Scott – so glad the post spoke to you, and totally agree. 🙂
I’ve always got big dreams, and I’m often guilty of expecting more than is realistic. LOL It’s so important not to let your “reality checks” cause you to give up on dreaming altogether. Great post. 😀
Thanks Tamie, really appreciate your encouragement – so glad the post resonated with you, and totally agree with your comment. May your big dreams come true, and be filled with reality checks. Thanks 🙂
Good reminders, James. Michael Hyatt put out some videos this weekend and your post reminded me of one of his tips for goal setting: “Give yourself permission to dream”
Thanks Eileen, appreciate your encouragement. Love that quote from Hyatt, so so true!
Really interesting. You see, I’m a dreamer. I dream big. “Go big or go home” was a phrase that always stuck with me. But I’m also a believer that when you dream big, you allow the universe to answer those dreams in different ways. When I wrote my first book, I wanted to be BIG – publisher, agent, etc… fact is, some happened, some didn’t and now I’m indie – but my dream allowed me to pursue the endeavor and now 6 books later, I’ve written novels and published books I never would have in the first place if I didn’t “dream big” in the beginning. Great post.
Thanks Elyse, glad the post resonated – thanks for sharing your story, really awesome, glad you are living that ‘big dream’. Great comment, thanks.
I’m a big dreamer – and I dream big. Movie contracts, $$$, the ability to write full time… dream big or go home I like to say. BUT, I have realistic expectations, too. My feet are planted firmly on the ground and it’s hard – but I plod away, chipping off one manageable goal after another so that I’m constantly moving TOWARDS that dream. Nice post.
Absolutely Elyse – me too. I struggle with the expectations thing, and even believing in myself enough. But it’s the best path, and the more realistic my expectations, the more of a success I feel and more confidence I have. Thanks for this kind comment Elyse.
Excellent post, making the distinction between dreams and goals, and stressing that dreams can still be realizable. But expectations require plans, and that’s where attention to detail and simple hard work come in.
Thanks Scott, always love your true, wise & encouraging comments. Thanks so much.
fall seven times, stand up eight.
– Japanese Proverb
So true Onisha. Thanks.
One of my favorite quotes: “Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, Or what’s a heaven for?” I think Browning would have enjoyed your post.
Great quote Charles, love it. And thanks for the compliment 🙂
Without dreaming big, we can’t get anywhere. It’s being grateful for the little steps that get us closer to the big dream that keeps us going.
Absolutely Rebekah, couldn’t agree more. Thanks for your comment.
I have always dreamt big… and I’ll continue to do so. I hope you do too, James! Great post!
I dream big, but I’ve learned the hard way not to expect too much. That way, I get pleasant surprises. Thanks for this post.
I have dreams, big dreams and I’ve learned to set goals. At least some realistic goals that I know I can reach that push me closer to my dream. I was discussing my dream about how I wanted to landscape my yard to my sons. They thought I had some lofty aspirations. Sure, if I had $50k to invest and pay somebody, my dream yard would be completed in just a few weeks, but alas, I have $50, not $50,000. So I plug away at my dream, doing little projects to complete a goal. It has been 8 yrs in progress and some of the projects are finished. This Spring I saw the reality of the flowers blooming. Another 4 or 5 yrs and the masses should be awesome If one does not have a dream, there is no reason to push forward. Years ago I wanted to be published. I was so intent on getting published I never realized that I was. Only when I was told to update my webpage with my books did I realize the fact that I was published with over 10 published projects to my name. Today it is over 20 and I intend to keep that number growing. I have dreams, big dreams, and with little hikes towards the top, I can can attain the top. It isn’t a one-day journey — accept that fact.
What you call expectations, I call goals. I’ve always had big dreams but I reach a dream by hitting small goals (or I’d get discouraged). Baby steps for baby authors. 🙂
I am a dreamer…I think all writers in my genre (sci-fi) think that way. But I have been working on what I call my day-to-day goals and finding ones that are doable. I do use the SMART system for goal setting and I think that keeps me level headed.
Fine post, James. Sound advice, as always.