Why Authenticity Is About Integrity, Not Baring It All
I’ve talked a lot here about authenticity. Finding authenticity in our work, and living an authentic life, are issues which are really important to me. Indeed, my free e-book on this blog is all about how we begin that journey of authenticity in regards to writing and artistic work.
But one mistake people can easily make when talking about authenticity, and being authentic, is to confuse this with exposing ourselves completely.
I’ve talked to writer friends going through very painful family circumstances, who are concerned if they don’t share information about this on their blog, if they don’t talk about it publicly, they aren’t being authentic.
And this is utter garbage.
Authenticity doesn’t mean telling the whole world every intimate detail about our lives. Authenticity is acting and speaking honestly, and with integrity. (you can tweet that)
A great example of this is one of my favourite and most authentic writers, Sarah Bessey. Sarah posted a while back that because she was heavily pregnant, and other personal circumstances, she wouldn’t be sharing so much of her private life publicly. That there were some things she felt needed to be private
Because some, in fact, many circumstances are more important than public blogging.
You see being honest with our readers, and in life with people we meet, doesn’t mean we give away every intimate detail about our lives to everyone. It means we write, speak and live with integrity, and if people need to know something, if there is an issue which impacts our readers or those we care about, we’re honest about it. And if we need to talk to close friends about an important issue, we do, but in private.
This isn’t to say we shouldn’t write whilst we’re suffering – definitely not. Journalling through difficult times can be one of the most helpful things you can do.
But that writing doesn’t have to be public.
The Importance Of Distance
And it’s also not to say we shouldn’t talk about our circumstances publicly. People like Don Miller do this a lot – and his story has been beneficial to myself and to many others. But what I’ve found both in his writing and in sharing my own story, it’s that it’s better to leave the public telling of your story until that season of life is over.
It gives you distance away from the events. It gives time to reflect. And then you have lessons which you can pass on to others – whether you’re a writer or not.
In all of Don’s books, he’s told personal stories, but he’s always spoken in past tense. They’ve never been written nor published whilst the events were happening. And this has allowed him time to reflect and create work which has not just told a story, but shared it in such a way which has been able to help others, and allowed him to create practical resources for others.
In fact, on occasion, sharing all the gory intimate details of your life can actually be less authentic – someone sharing it all, in the hope it will bring them attention and fame.
But that’s not being authentic. That’s more like a tabloid expose to get newspaper sales. It’s like pornography – which shows us everything but isn’t in any way authentic.
Because what makes our art authentic isn’t how much information it shares, it’s the character behind it.
Unauthentic work tells the truth – but in a different way. If it’s not authentic, it tells us something about the person who created it. And indeed, truly authentic work tells the truth as well – because all art tells the truth about it’s creator, whether they wish it to or not.
I’ve been guilty of a lack of authenticity at times. I still struggle with it. Maintaining authenticity isn’t easy, and it’s probably what I struggle with the most. So we need to keep paying attention to our writing – and our lives, to maintain authenticity.
The questions we should ask about authenticity, both in ourselves and others, are these:
– Are we/they speaking with honesty and integrity?
– Are we/they being up real and honest with others about who we are and what we genuinely care about?
– Are we/they sharing this part of our story to benefit others, rather than gain attention and popularity?
And finally, if we’re not sure whether to share a story or not, we need to ask ourselves
– Is this the right time to share this story, or will this better benefit others with the benefit of reflection?
We don’t need to share all our intimate circumstances or struggles to be truly authentic in our lives or work. We just need to act with integrity. And be honest with both ourselves, and those around us.
That’s how you live a life of integrity, and that’s the path to creating authentic work. We won’t always get it right, but it’s a start.
Are you with me?
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Question for Reflection:
What lessons have you learned through reflection on your journey?
Let me know in the comments below!
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(Picture Sources: thecripplegate.com/ceotrust.org)
One lesson I learned after the teaching phase was over is one that I realized can be applied to many situations in life. It sounds silly at first, but I have found it’s very useful. It began with taking white-water canoeing lessons with my son. During the first training we did, we did well. But then we went to Level 2, with faster water, bigger waves and stronger current. I worked and paddled as hard as I could, and ditched again and again. Of course, so did all the other trainees. When the training was over, I watched some experienced canoeists take a rapids, and they seemed quite relaxed, hardly working at all. And that was the lesson I learned: there is no way I can be stronger than a river. I have to work with the current and the waves, because if I try to work against them, I’ll just capsize.
I think we can apply this idea to many situations: know when you’re in a situation with a force far greater than your own, and don’t work against it – work with it to achieve your goals.
Yes, good point Scott – not sure how this relates to the post (can you explain, might be missing it?), but very wise point there.
That was in answer to your closing question: what have I learned through reflection. I don’t necessarily have to give every struggle, every situation every bit of myself. Sometimes, holding back is the best strategy. The river is just a metaphor. It’s fun, though, when metaphors are real things rather than ideas.
Ah I see, sorry for confusion. I would argue even if you don’t give any of yourself to something consciously, part of you always comes through somewhere. But get your point about holding back.
This is very close to an issue I am facing myself, so thank you for the clarity here. A major part of one of my blogs right now is the story of my past. I needed it to be ‘the past’ in order to share it at all, but that anonymous blog [the one linked here] is not my primary site. Sharing my story truthfully without allowing it to damage my present day life is my solution of the moment. I am being authentic in both settings, just on different issues. I struggle with doubt as to whether I am acting with integrity by sharing the hope I have found in this anonymous way. Life IS messy, isn’t it???
Life sure is messy! So glad this post was able to clarify things for you, and help you on your journey. Hope you manage to find a healthy balance in your writing.
I have read a few posts by other bloggers I follow regarding their choices to keep certain aspects of their lives out of the public view…I applaude them. As a blogger myself I actually share very little details about me personally. I have seen the bullying and bashing of others online…often for decisions about their lives that are of no consequence to others. Online life isn’t the same as your real life. I know that sometimes people can make us feel like they “know” us better than the people we live, got to school, or work with…but they only “know” what they can read. They don’t see us cry, laugh, or live on a day-to-day basis like the people we interact with in the real world.
Good point Lisa – we only know about these people what they share, and people only know about us what we share. It’s admirable to keep certain aspects of life out of public view, I certainly do. Great comment, thanks.
I must admit I have trouble with this. I’m sometimes a painfully honest person and that comes through in my writing. Trying to balance authenticity along with privacy is a challenge. I like what you said about giving yourself some distance. I have found this to be true. A lot of what I write about are personal experiences, but I have found I DO have better perspective when it’s something that has happened years ago, rather than recently.
I think we all struggle with this Nichole – I still do at times, it’s one of the questions I still ask myself when writing/publishing work. Thanks for being so honest.
I look at authenticity as “accountability.” Being truthful, sincere… I like to be honest on my posts about my daily life, but I’ve found that talking about my family or issues we’re having has made certain family members uncomfortable, and I’ve found myself in the unhappy position of having to delete posts. It makes me feel censored. So, I think in all regards we have to be careful about what we post, but always authentic.
Totally agree Elyse, great comment. Truthfulness, sincerity, accountability. Brilliant comment, thanks.
Great post James! A much needed clarification about authenticity vs. revealing all. Thanks 🙂
You’re welcome Julie-Anne – and thanks for helping to inspire it!!
Enjoyed this James. When I was at a Writer’s conference years ago I spoke with the editor from Guideposts. And she talked about the importance of waiting to share when you have had distance from some of the things you’re going through. She gave the same reasons you stated. Good post.
Thanks for your kind comment Anne, and glad you enjoyed the post & it resonated. Thanks again.
I think I write fiction because I don’t want to share painful things that happened in my life. Of course, my characters often experience some of the stuff that happened to me, but I don’t like exposing myself directly. One of the most difficult times I’ve had was incorporating characters into my novel that represented me and my husband. I prefer writing the other characters. I do weave in my own beliefs and attitudes about ideals and politics but don’t spout them all the time. I’ll need to consider this idea more.
I do think our truth comes out in our writing, whichever kind of writing it is, whether we realise it or not, as demonstrated in what happens to your characters. Hope the post was helpful.
Yes. It gives me something to think about in my WIP.
I appreciate this post, James. So true. Jesus practiced discretion, and of course this took nothing away from his complete integrity. Thanks for reminding us that our culture’s demand for details isn’t always the healthiest thing.
Thanks for your encouragement Susanne, really glad the post was helpful. And as you say – Jesus practiced discretion and it took nothing away from his integrity.
I agree with this James. SO many times I write to get stuff off my chest. most times it is fictional, but on the rare occasion that it contain some truth, it might be best to be publicized at a much later date.
So glad the post resonated with you Angela – writing to get things out is so beneficial, definitely recommend it!
This has been such an eye-opening article. Now I can see what my issue is on my trying to start a blog. It’s been an “Authenticity vs. Attention” debate within myself. Thanks for articulating this point, James. I’m with ya.
Thanks so much Katie, so pleased this post resonated and opened up your eyes to this. Great to have you with me!
Being authentic, for me, is to be true to myself and project that image. I don’t have to show you my underwear for you to see how I dress. You don’t need to know every detail of my life to know me. Part of being authentic is knowing what to share and what to keep personal.
Spot on as ever Bob, really great comment, thanks. Totally agree.
James, I noticed the title of this and immediately turned to it. I so agree. ‘Authenticity’ and ‘honesty’ are much referred to today, (especially by Evangelical Christians) but they are as you say not getting this right. People pour out their souls and expose themselves on the web in a way which is not helpful to others and is inappropriate – I have sometimes told them but that gave me the reputation of being a grumpy old woman and a trad Xian with buttoned-up attitudes … No, that is not me. As you say here, it is a question of the way it is told, the time it is told, and the filters through which it is told. Edited for an audience doesn’t mean inauthentic. It means considered and written for an audience, not for a private intimate conversation or journal. Otherwise it can be very like pornography, and it can also draw the wrong kind of readership.
Good blog you’ve got here.. It?s difficult to find quality writing
like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate people like you!
Take care!!