Romance Gets You Nowhere…Find The Joy in the Work (#MythOfNormal)
(Picture: Alexander Baxevanis via Creative Commons)
Our culture is one which likes to romanticise. We romanticise relationships, success, certain pastimes like acting, writing and singing. We even romanticise God. Our culture encourages us to romanticise because it’s away of avoiding the harsh reality of life. The reality we all know truly lies behind those stories.
And usually, what we romanticise about the most is the the thing we don’t have. As C S Lewis says is Shadowlands, the greatest pleasure is not in the having, but in the anticipation of it.
Relationships aren’t easy. Anyone who has been in a relationship will always tell you that. I heard this many times but I didn’t understand it fully until I was in a relationship. Now I completely empathise. And it’s the same with writing a book. Many people romanticise about writing a book, but the harsh reality is it’s work. It’s hard work, commitment and perseverance. It’s showing up when you don’t feel like it.
And I suspect the truth is, every single thing we romantcise about is exactly the same. Not as easy or wonderful as it sounds, and a lot more hard work.
Does this mean we don’t do it? Well yes. Unless, of course, there’s something else motivating us. One sure way of telling if you’re called to something is to see if you find joy in the work. Because if you don’t find the joy in the hard work of it, then it’s unlikely you’ll be able to stick it out.
I love writing. And not just the joy of sharing work with people – though that’s amazing – but the hard work of it. The sitting down and waiting for the words. The planning, the rewriting, the corrections. I love the work of it. And I enjoy being in a relationship. I enjoy the hard work and commitment it takes.
There are moments of joy in both those areas of life.
However, if you can’t do the work, then you won’t stick it out. You’ll give up when it gets too difficult.
And there’s one thing we romanticise about more than anything. Changing the world.
I read lots of material about changing the world, and mentions it a lot. I talked about it in my book. But I hope I’ve never romanticised about it. Because the reality is, changing the world isn’t glamourous. It’s not simple. It’s not quick. And often, as we’ve seen through history, it involves sacrifice.
Changing the world will never happen overnight. It will happen only when each of us does what we were created to do. (tweet that here). When we forget the myths culture tells us of what’s “normal” and dare to be ourselves. And when each of us discovers what we’re willing to pour hours and hours of our lives into – and simply enjoy the process.
If you’ve ever wondered what your calling is, ponder on these simple questions:
What is it you would do even if no one paid you?
What is it you enjoy doing not for the results, but simply for the work of doing it?
What are you most passionate about?
What would get you up in the morning every day from now until the day you die?
Once you’ve answered these questions honestly, you’ll be closer to your calling. Closer to being you. Closer to being uniquely you. And when you embrace this calling and develop and in the context of community, and serving others, and each of us do this together, this is when the process of real change begins.
it’s not romantic. It’s a slow process, and it will never be completely perfect because e live in a broken world.
But in time, it will, eventually, change the world. Not in clean, romantic way. But in a dirty, messy, painful way. A way which will involve sacrifice and hard work. But there will be one moment, when you get a glimpse of that joy. When you see how you have impacted this world for good.
This is worth all the sweat, work, and sacrifice. And it only comes from doing the work.
Are you with me?
Do you agree with me or disagree with me? Why?
Have you ever over-romanticised a desire only to find the reality very different?
What is it which brings you joy simply from the work?
Let me know in the comments below!
It’s kind of like raising a family. You romanticize having a cute,sweet smellling baby, then you bring it home from the hosptial and it NEVER sleeps but in about twenty or so years you look back and realize it was messy and sometimes painful but it was worth all it all.
Spot on Onisha. Great comment.
I was told that if you can get paid to do something you enjoy, it’s not work. I loved programming and made a living at it. I loved writing, but as my father told me when I was young and expressed that I wanted to be a writer – more than likely you won’t make a living at it. I’m retired so at this point in time, I’m content to write and enjoy the frugal life. Yeah, I’m living the romanticized life – sort of. lol. As to changing the world – I try with one smile at a time. And a smile is not true work but takes more effort than a frown which already has gravity working for it. Good post.
Great comment Bob, thanks for sharing this with us. Enjoy your writing journey.
Oh Great Blog post! I love how you equate writing to relationships and I never though of it that way, but both take a huge commitment and a lot of hard work. Nice post James.
Thanks for the comment and the encouragement Elyse, glad the post spoke to you.
Great post James! Writing is not only something we have to do when we don’t feel like it… we must do it when we are not inspired or have no idea what to say… we must keep writing. People often don’t get that. My relationship to my written word is actually a great one. I don’t find it hard because I am passionate about it. But great analogy!
Spot on Lisa Jey, been going through a period like that myself recently – but you just keep on going. Thanks for the comment!
So true, everything worth having is worth working hard to obtain!
Totally agree Tara – thanks for commenting!
Comparing writing to relationships – brilliant! Great post James!
Thanks Luann, really appreciate that! 🙂
James,
My kids just asked me why I sing (poorly) when I clear the table, wash the dishes and sweep the floor–3 times a day . . . 21 times a week, over 1000 times a year! I told them that it makes the mundane fun–my passion is in creating the meal and serving it . . . and taking the pictures and blogging about it! I look at “work” as a practice, something I do each day that gives my heart song purpose. For me laundry is like writing–with each piece folded and each word typed–I’m closer to getting the job at hand completed.
Great metaphor Renee, really like it. Thanks for sharing it!
Great post, James! Absolutely right about commitment! Does not have to be hard work all the time as, I believe, is being constantly on it, no matter what, even in small doses. We don’t have to kill ourselves to begin changing our life or the world. Small deeds can bring better results, if we are committed to bringing them about. Could be a great book, indeed!
Thanks for the kind words & encouragement Katina, totally agree with your points. Thanks for commenting!
[…] Romance Gets You Nowhere..Find Joy in the Work […]
Hi James. I’m late commenting but haven’t been blog reading lately — sorry about that.
You are SO SPOT ON with this. And this might also contribute to the “depression” a lot of artists face. They think they are getting into this romanticized work and are jaded when they realize it’s not the walk in the park they wanted.
Thanks for your kind words Devani, so so appreciate it. Really glad the post was helpful. Totally agree with your point too – that depression many of us feel (and I’ve felt it) is down to this romanticism. Thanks for commenting.
I want to add that the idea of “what would I like to do if I weren’t getting paid.” It’s intriguing. I want to live this entire world, help, make an impact. There’s so much I just wish I could do.
Me too – wise words Elyse.
My “relationship” with writing is like my relationship with exercise. I love it, I hate it, but if I don’t do it I end up getting sick. Therefore I write. Therefore I exercise. I actually see it as a healthier relationship than those who gorge themselves on writing or exercise and then burnout.
Interesting metaphor Lisa – I definitely get what you mean, though my relationship with exercise is more difficult, I certainly understand the metaphor. Great comment, thanks for sharing this.
I agree, James. Changing the world, even just doing what you know you were meant to do, what you’re passionate about, is never romantic. It’s a slow slog. The romantic aspects work great in movies, but the reality of creating anything, building anything, accomplishing anything requires hours, days, weeks, years of work that really doesn’t look very exciting to an audience.
Precisely Scott, you absolutely nail it here. Great comment, glad the post resonated.
Great post, James. I agree that most things worth doing involve hard work, and the commitment to stick to the tasks even when you aren’t in the mood. That’s especially true of writing, I think. It’s a job, but like most things worth doing, it’s inherently satisfying.
Absolutely spot on Charles, thanks for the comment!
If you do something you enjoy for a living, you’ll never work a day in your life. Or so some say. I agree with it. I enjoyed programming and actually looked forward to work. I was living the romanticized aspect most people dream about. Now I write and enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, it is work. It’s all about the relationship you create. Good post, James.
Great comment Bob – totally agree. Writing is a joy to me, for sure, but it’s still work in many ways, but I enjoy the work. Wise words as ever Bob, thanks.