Posts Tagged ‘Ache’
Two Fuses Of Hope
For 20 years my heart has been angry. Day to day, I’ve been a calm, rational, sensible, grown up (sometimes more than others) like anyone else. I’ve grown. I’ve matured.
But underneath, I’ve been screaming. And much of the time, I was too deaf to hear my own subconscious.
When I was a kid things happened at home and outside of home which did me a lot of damage. Betrayal, mistrust, fear all became part of my soul. And the injustice at people who’d hurt me not being held accountable, being let off the hook fuelled a bitterness and resentment in me.
It began as righteous anger. But it quickly got out of control. I grew up, but my anger didn’t. A 15 year old wanting to be heard but constantly ignored. Hurt, betrayed and bulled, with no resolution.
And he’s been angry ever since.
Read MoreSurrendering The Final Word
I can screw up. A lot. I’ve said and done things I’m not proud of. I’ve got regrets. And I’ve had to hear and reflect on some harsh truths in my time.
It’s so easy for me, as a writer who tries to be honest, and who writes material to encourage and help others grow, to give the impression you have all the answers.
But many of us, whether we’re writers or not, love to the have the final word. And we’ll keep on responding in discussions – online and offline – just to make sure we do.
Which, as we all know deep down, is not a healthy approach to life.
Experience has convinced me there’s a better way. Surrender.
Read MoreAfraid? Today Can Be Different
I’ll be honest, something in me panics every time I have to step out and do something on my own, without approval, without knowing the answers, without control, without training.
Every. Single. Time.
Usually, my response is excess panic, emotion, stress, anxiety, fear, thinking a million steps ahead, thousands of ‘what ifs’, jumping all the steps straight to the result, pulse rate going into emergency mode, adrenaline pumping, rational thought gone, mind clouded, stress levels growing.
All together in my body in less than 10 seconds.
This panic is basically what stops me from being the best version of myself.
And it all comes from fear.
Read MoreBe The Best You
It’s so popular in our celebrity culture to say “I want to be like [insert name of well known successful person you admire]”.
Celebrity idolatry is at an all time high. Fortunately, over time many people have learned to recognise it for what it is, and to avoid it.
But there’s a subtle, much more significant issue at work too. That of ‘wanting to healthily model the person I admire’.
At it’s best this is healthy. In some ways to learn from and aspire to be more like others who have walked a similar path, can be a good thing. It’s important to look at others with similar gifts and callings, those we respect, and learn lessons from them.
But if we’re not careful, this can lead us down the path of essentially becoming copies of those we admire.
We can become so busy trying to become like someone else, that we forget to be ourselves.
And even worse, we can use our ‘trying to be like someone else’ as a way of avoiding being who we were made to be. Maybe even to cover up for a belief that we, in ourselves, on our own, don’t have value or legitimacy, and nor does our work.
And it’s a horrendous lie.
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