Posts Tagged ‘Brokenness’
Two Fuses Of Hope
For 20 years my heart has been angry. Day to day, I’ve been a calm, rational, sensible, grown up (sometimes more than others) like anyone else. I’ve grown. I’ve matured.
But underneath, I’ve been screaming. And much of the time, I was too deaf to hear my own subconscious.
When I was a kid things happened at home and outside of home which did me a lot of damage. Betrayal, mistrust, fear all became part of my soul. And the injustice at people who’d hurt me not being held accountable, being let off the hook fuelled a bitterness and resentment in me.
It began as righteous anger. But it quickly got out of control. I grew up, but my anger didn’t. A 15 year old wanting to be heard but constantly ignored. Hurt, betrayed and bulled, with no resolution.
And he’s been angry ever since.
Read MoreGrace. It Just Is. (Guest Post by Jules Middleton)
I think we often talk a good game about God’s grace – we note how it is sufficient. Or abundant. Or amazing. But, what does it actually mean? Trying to suss out what grace is, is almost impossible, there are just too many answers, too many variations or possibilities. But we all have our own interpretations of grace, based on our own experiences of God, and that is so valuable.
I mean you can talk to someone all you like about God and they can put up objections and questions and arguments, but tell them your own story and it’s a different matter.
It’s much harder to dismiss someone’s personal experience, when you hear it from their own mouth.
Read MoreWhy There’s No Foolproof Methods – Just Our Story
I read a post recently, from last year, called ‘A Letter To Donald Miller’.
It presented some very well reasoned arguments about Donald Miller, a NYT-Bestselling author writer who had spoken about uncertainty, doubt, and mystery. And how he was now selling products and posting blog posts which, in contrast, were about guaranteed results, promises, and certainty.
Now I’m a big fan of Donald Miller. The one thing I treasure above all things in writing is authenticity, and whenever I read Don’s words, whether it’s in books or blog posts, they are always honest. He’s always vulnerable and shares his story honestly. I’ve learned so much from him.
To be honest, I’ve not figured out whether I agree with the poster about Don, or not. That needs further reflection.
The real message to me from this letter though, was this: Whether intentionally or not, Don had given the impression that he had abandoned mystery, questioning and doubt, and moved to certainty. Moved from accepting we don’t have all the answers, to selling courses which promise all the answers.
And for me, those guaranteed, fix-all solutions these type of courses sell us? They simply don’t exist.
Read MoreIrregular Intentionality: Making Sense Of Our Busy Lives
Blogging has been tough for me for a while. In truth, for nearly a year. Even though I had a break which was meant to help, on reflection I didn’t use that break as effectively as the one I had in 2014.
The recurrence of this issue though, has shown this problem was far deeper.
And I have absolutely no doubt what the real problem is.
It’s an issue with time management. An issue which many of us struggle with, and has become a major issue for me. I’m simply not creating enough space in my life to cultivate the habits, like free-writing, which help me find my voice & inspiration.
And I need to do something about it, or I’m not going to achieve what I’m capable of. Because if we don’t manage our time effectively, we won’t realise our full potential – in any area of life.
Read MoreChristopher Reeve & Why You Are A Superhero
I’ve always loved superheroes. As a child my hero was Christopher Reeve’s incarnation of Superman (left). I wanted to be him. His ideals, his values, his belief in our ability to be better as people. And of course, his super powers.
Now of course, as an adult I know I don’t have ‘superpowers’ like comic book heroes.
I’m just a writer. I’m just me, with all my insecurities, and imperfections. I’m not perfect. And a lot of the time, I think I’m nothing special.
Don’t we all?
But I was watching a superhero movie today, about Spider-Man – an ordinary guy who gets powers, and still has all his insecurities, fears and imperfections despite that.
And I felt God speak to me quietly, and tell me that I do have a superpower.
Writing – as only I can write. Being me.
Read MoreLetter To Me: Rhiannon Hall
In 2014 I ran a series of guest posts by writer friends, all writing a letter to themselves – either a past self from their present self, or to their present self from their future self.
This inspired my friend Rhiannon Hall, who wrote a letter to herself, and shared it with me. I loved it so much, I got her permission to share it here.
Rhiannon’s is a powerful, moving & courageous letter. So here it is:
Dear 37 Year Old Rhiannon Hall,
First, breathe.
I swear that I remember sitting there starting to reading this… I know you feel that tightness in your chest and you think you are about to cry because you want answers and life seems so complicated and scary. Just do us a favor and breathe for a minute.
Then read on. (And I know you are now fully crying and that’s okay.)
I am proud of you for getting where you are at the moment you are living in. 2015 changed a lot of things for us, didn’t it?
You risked so much to become whole and truly live your authentic life.
Read MoreSurrendering The Final Word
I can screw up. A lot. I’ve said and done things I’m not proud of. I’ve got regrets. And I’ve had to hear and reflect on some harsh truths in my time.
It’s so easy for me, as a writer who tries to be honest, and who writes material to encourage and help others grow, to give the impression you have all the answers.
But many of us, whether we’re writers or not, love to the have the final word. And we’ll keep on responding in discussions – online and offline – just to make sure we do.
Which, as we all know deep down, is not a healthy approach to life.
Experience has convinced me there’s a better way. Surrender.
Read MoreFear Can’t Dictate – Love Always Wins
I didn’t blog last week. In light of recent events in the world, I felt it was right to be silent, out of respect of the days of mourning set aside for the victims of the violence – in France, and in Lebanon too.
I felt a particularly strong sense of despair at these attacks. For a number of reasons – the more vulnerable place I’m at in my journey, having a good friend who lives in Paris. Like many of us, I needed time to process it all.
As I reflected, two words keep coming up for me in light of those attacks.
Fear. Love.
And right now, fear seems to be winning.
But I choose to say something different today. I say that love wins. And ultimately, it always will.
Read MoreLost & Found : How I Lost A Parent & Found My Faith
I’ve found myself at a major crossroads recently. I love Jesus. I love our church community. I’m rediscovering the Bible. I’m finding myself experiencing the spirit of God in a much deeper way.
And yet, I find myself shifting away from the evangelical church. I am less able to experience God or connect with Him in the ways I have in the past.
I used to believe in a God of certainty. Now I believe in a God of mystery.
And why? Because of the darkest day of my life.
Read MoreAfraid? Today Can Be Different
I’ll be honest, something in me panics every time I have to step out and do something on my own, without approval, without knowing the answers, without control, without training.
Every. Single. Time.
Usually, my response is excess panic, emotion, stress, anxiety, fear, thinking a million steps ahead, thousands of ‘what ifs’, jumping all the steps straight to the result, pulse rate going into emergency mode, adrenaline pumping, rational thought gone, mind clouded, stress levels growing.
All together in my body in less than 10 seconds.
This panic is basically what stops me from being the best version of myself.
And it all comes from fear.
Read More